3rdgen - To answer your questions, they went both ways. When my sister first decided to "move on," they called their friends at Bethel, to see what they could and could not do. Imagine, raising your child from infancy to adulthood, and then asking relative strangers in another part of the US, for help on whether to talk to your kid or not. WTF? My parents, especially my day, have always treated those in NYC, traveling overseers and Gilead members the same way that normal people might treat a movie or music star of their choice. A definite glorification of the position, more than the person. We had Bethelites at our home every weekend when we lived in NY. We hosted the CO visits, repeatedly. We ate at Bethel, more than we ate at regular restaurants. The push for my sister and I to go onward and upward in the "org" was strong. So, it really was not much a surprise that my parents reached out to these same people for help on how to deal with their children.
The advice was to limit association. That worked, for a short while. The main issue was that my sister went on to be a successful writer and lawyer, making a high income. She went to two universities, earned several degrees. And my parents, like many JW's, choose to pioneer, and move around the country to where "the need was greater." They had/have nothing, and they need the financial assistance my sister can now, with education and focused hard work, can provide. So, like so many religious folk, when they need something, they will compromise their values. So, we interact with our parents. My sister provides assistance they need. Myself and my family, we are available to assist them with rides, mechanical support, meals from time to time, etc. We all get along, but we all know there is a "disappointment" that permeates their interactions with us. They need us, but deep down, they still beleive that if they could just cut us off, we would come around. The logic of that message, perpetuated by the JW Org, is beyond ridiculous. There is no critical thinking or individual thinking done by either my mom or dad. They accept any and everything the Org tells them. My dad still reaches out to the NY Crew, not so much for advice, but for the star-f'ing aspect. He loves that group, for what they are. And I can say, that many of the ones I interacted with as a child and young adult, made me see the hypocrisy, clear and defined. But, that is another story.
They are disappointed in our course we have choosen. I have tried to discuss my choices, but it is like arguing with a wall. They won't change their minds, and I have to respect that. I only have asked that they do the same for me. My dad cannot help making comments from time to time. My mom invites me to the memorial every year. I have started telling them that I will attend the memorial, if they come to Thanksgiving dinner. Just a dinner, but on Thanksgiving. So far, we are at an impasse. It is sad, but everyone has the choice to make for themselves, and I have to respect the choice, as ignorant as it may seem to me, that my parents have choosen.
