guilt of having to give evidence against family

chezza

Hi all, just wondering if anyone else like me had to give evidence in judical cases involving their family members and how they got over the guilt when they realised what they had done?

Beck_Melbourne

Hi Chezz

I was not involved in anyone else's judicial...but I do have guilt about a few other things...probably not really in line with your question.

But when my brother was DF...I regret how I treated him...I was an active JW at the time...and every now and then I get the guilts when I think about how righteous I thought I was. When I first left the borg...my JW family members shunned me...all except him. I am lucky that he is so forgiving.

Beck

chezza

i remember all too well because my ex was a elder we were called to give evidence against my sister who was living in sin as the saying goes, btw she was also inactive but they didnt care, to cut a long story short she was disfellowshipped just days before her wedding and i was told by the elders that i couldnt go, nice one, and boy did i feel like crap.

Kep

Hi Chezz,
I was involved twice in having a family member Dfd.
It was at my discretion to report their activities to the elders.
At that time I felt I was responsible for keeping the cong clean and so both times I did report it.
I remember the 2nd time this person was almost begging me not to say anything.
I do feel guilty for my hardline approach.
It wasn't that they were innocent, but that the JC was very very hard on them.
They went to appeal the decision, only to have to go thru it all with 9 elders.
So they walked.
Beck, obviously your brother knows the borg mentality and let it go, until the time was right to let you know how much he missed and loved you.

chezza

thank you kep for your comments :)

jst2laws

Chezza,

Probably all of us have regrets, some more than others. You, like myself, did what we believed was right at the time. I have the pleasure of knowing that one of the mistakes I made in incriminating a friend had, if any effect, helping his family escape the grips of the WT society decades before I woke up. Now I wish someone would have done me the favor. So Chezza, what has happened to your relative since? Are you sure they are worse off? It may be you unintentionally did them a favor. I feel living outside the protection of scriptural principles is not good. But getting out of the JW’s with your faith intact may be a blessing.

Beck
Fortunately, not only God does not hold you accountable but your brother has forgiven you too.x

Kep
Good.

Jst2laws

chezza

thx for your comment jst2laws, youre right my family member is better off.

hungry4life

Chezza your post hit home. Even though I have not discussed it in great detail on this board. One of the most painful things I have gone through is having to accept that it was my actions in going to the elders about my husbands smoking that led to our divorce. At the time I was sure that I was doing the right thing we had two young children (a 5 yr old and 6 month old) and we had been very happily married for 7 years. When I discovered that he had been secretely smoking at work I was terrified that if I kept his smoking a secret I would be just as guilty as him and it would cost us our children's lives at armageddon. In addition I felt a certain sense of pride in being "spiritual" enough to do what was "right" regardless of how difficult it was. It is a long story and I will not share it all now, but it eventually led to total despair and depression for him. He was 35 years old and actually broke out in shingles from the stress. It created a terrible wedge between us and he could not take the pain anymore. He told me later that he just felt like he was not good enough and was going to die anyway so their was not point in trying.
While I was away at a convention he had a fling with a woman he had just met. When I came home on Sunday he was very distraught but would not tell me why. He moved out the next day, and disassociated himself shortly after.

It has been almost 4 years since this happened. Since our seperation and divorce we have discussed the situations that led up to the rapid and unexpected end of our marriage. We have both taken responsibility for our actions in the things that led up to the end. We have forgiven each other for the mutual pain that we caused each other.
But we also agree that if we had just gotten out together we would still be a family. When I think back to all the pain and guilt the WT inflicted on our lives it brings tears to my eyes. We are still friends but their are some things that cannot be erased and we were never able to heal the harm that was done to our relationship. He remarried a nice non JW woman in December. Her and I get along well and though I did not go into detail I did warn her not to fall into the JW quick sand.

I think that the most important thing for anybody who has gone through this pain and guilt to do is to reach out to the one you hurt and explain your remorse and regret. Let them know that you are not the same person now and you will never again look at someone with eyes of judgement.

chezza

thanks for your comments and i'm sorry for the pain you went through like me, all in the name of jehovah.

guilt of having to give evidence against family

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