Family shunning - I finally had to give it my parents

by jworld 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jworld

    Well the time finally came to give it to my parents regarding their behavior.

    My parents have not been talking to me because I told them I have a relationship. I came out to them 10 years ago (I was raised a JW but faded after I moved away from home at 21). When I came out (more of a confirmation than a surprise), they had already come to terms with it. However, that didn’t stop them for believing I should remain single forever.

    They have a nasty history of family shunning. They kicked my sister out at 17, stopped talking to her at least 2 other times for years at a time. This was the first time I experienced it.

    So it’s been about 6 weeks and my dad finally called, shocking because he never calls me. We had a couple minutes of general chit chat and then he tells me they are not mad at me but very sad, including the normal bit about feeling they can’t compromise their principles. I decided this is the time to make it clear how they act toward my sister and I is unacceptable.

    I told him I wonder where they learned this because no one they know in the congregation acts this way. I said your mother never did this to her daughter, who chose to have a different faith. (My grandmother brought my dad in the JW religion but my aunt never joined.) I leveraged an example of a sister in the congregation who, although they refer to her as a pillar of the congregation, always talked to her DF’d daughter and had a normal relationship with her. He couldn’t refute these examples, and so he went on saying this is also a matter of conscience.

    I responded by saying your conscience is way to hyper sensitive. The apostle Paul had to chastise the early congregation against this exact type of behavior. This comes across as just trying to save yourself! Well accusing him of this seemed to pierce him like a sword; he stumbled for his next words about not trying to save himself and I jabbed a bit harder by saying yes you are. You believe that if you don’t stop talking to me Jehovah will be mad at you and destroy you at Armageddon. I actually think it hurt him enough to stop and think about his actions. Most parents operate with the thought they would do anything for their children, so accusing him of actually being selfish must have a shock. He said it would take some time to think about it all.

    I do love my parents though and I want nothing more than for us to be a closer family, and it hurt me to have to turn the mirror on them, to force them to really look at what they are doing. So I ended on a positive note by saying that both my sister and I know they are getting older and we want to spend as much time as we can with them. There is no time to waste on this silliness and we will always be here for you. Ha, I thought one last jab to show we are above this type of behavior.

    I think I accomplished some good things in the conversation; I immediately spun it around and made it about them. They have tried to lay the blame for their actions squarely on my sister and me. When the real truth is they have done this to themselves by not being able to moderate their own conscience. Sigh ...hopefully things will work out in the end.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    It's terrible that in order for your parents to feel approved by Jehovah, that they need to dishoner him by shunning their own flesh and blood. On their deathbed, they will have mounds of guilt and regret, and there isn't going to be a single person that can change that for them.

  • ziddina

    Excellent conversational fencing, JWorld!!!

    I sincerely hope that your parents are wise enough to rise above the manipulative behaviors of the Watchtower Corporation...

  • Phizzy

    Well done ! I think it is brilliant that you have shown them the reality of the situation, in the warped JW view it is our fault if we choose not to accept their religion and their "standards".

    The truth is, we do have a choice, we have chosen to reject their religion, but NOT to reject them. They have chosen to reject our way of life, our standards, mores, maybe beliefs or whatever AND they want to reject us !

    It is immoral and illogical in the extreme the attitude they have, and we if we just roll over and accept it, they think they are right in what they do.

    How right you are to point out how selfish their way is.

    Well done again, I think you made your point firmly ,but in a kindly way.

  • ABibleStudent

    Congratulations jworld on showing your dad the falacies of the WTBTS's doctrines. I hope that you are able to have a closer relationship with your parents.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • LostGeneration

    Glad you could tell him like it is. The hardest thing for them to realize it that it is THEIR BEHAVIOR, and not yours. The WT drills it in them week after week that its everyone else who is wrong, that everyone who leaves does so just to be a disgusting sinner, when it is THEIR PERVERTED SHUNNING DOCTRINE that is the real problem.

  • nicolaou

    Good for you!

  • Ding

    A very courageous move!

    Please keep us posted on developments.

    I wish you all the best.

  • Gayle

    awesome,,on your timing with direct issues for your dad,,he admitted he will think about this. He was at least able also to admit the double standard of this issue in the congregation. Of course, the GB is not conveying this issue as a "conscience issue."

    Hopefully, more elderly will be re-thinking who will really be there for them in their older years.

  • 00DAD

    Good for you, get him to think!

    Let us know how it goes.

  • Zordino

    Good for you Jworld, The GB has divided too many families. When I was D'fd, my parents still kept a normal relationship with me. But its not a usual thing. I guess its cause my parents are Italian and you know what they say " Never go against the family" (A Godfather quote) LoL All kidding aside, it sounds like your dad will come around. Just keep the lines open and keep showing him the ridiculousness of the D'fing policy.

  • M*A*S*H

    Well played jworld!

    I wish I'd said more as you did when I had the opportunity. My father once asked me if I thought he'd been moral, what kind of question is that!? All I could manage was "I think you're religion has coloured your judgement, and led you to make some bad decisions". I too, thought that, that had upset him - didn't change anything though! Too late now though.

  • hamsterbait

    And now they are parading their current policy of avoiding family as "Gods Command" to Avoid all contact with DF relatives.

    Commands of men as doctrines... Woe to the Scribes and Pharisees of Crooklyn Beth Hell.


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