I've posed this to my parents lately. My brother is getting married to a non-Jaydub and they keep telling him he's living in sin with her and that he needs to confess to the elders that he's been having sex with her since he has been dating her for 4 years. In their logic, you can't date someone for so long without doing the nasty. Now, they have no proof of their allegations (although being true) and think he should fess up to his supposed wrong doings.
We have a sister that moved in with her boyfriend but, because she wasn't baptised, they have accepted her way of life. They don't like it but they accept it.
So when my dad called me to again complain about my brother's choice of wife, I asked him what the difference was between my sister and my brother. His answer was that my brother was baptised.
I asked him, "So is it different in God's eyes that my sister is baptised and my brother is not? If the Big A came tomorrow, will he show more mercy on my sister than my brother?"
He had no answer. None of them do. I've been bombarded with questions about his lifestyle with his fiance and I ask that question all the time, even to elders. They all give me the silence stop.
If this is the case, how can they validate the use of disfellowshipping? They can talk to someone who was raised as a witness and "living in sin" that wasn't baptised and, in their eyes, will die in the Big A, the same outcome as someone who has been baptised doing the same damn thing. But they refuse to talk to one that's taken the dip?