last of my story not for the weak at heart

TotallyADD

As I said before when I reached my thirties I feft I had to do something with my life. So what was my great idea? Well of course I felt I needed to be a elder. What can I say when you are raised in a dysfunctional organizaion you to become dysfunctional. I started going to all the meetings, field service, did my parts real will and volunteer for extra assignments. After about a year of doing that they made me a M. Servant, now I could give public talks and be on the service meeting. Another year went by and in 1986 I became a elder. What did I learn from all of this? You can change what is broken. Majority of elders are truly truly not qualified to help people. Look at there training, from my first elder school to my last elder school last year I was taught how to determined what constituted a serious sin and how to form a judicial committee and to figure out if the person was sinning becasue of weakness on their part or deliberate. In the 20 plus years as a elder I learned by the society every perverted sex act there is. Once my wife ask me how I know these things and I told her the society taught me those things. I would say that was 60% of our training another 20% on how to do your responsiblities, how to teach at the meetings and taking the lead in field service. When It came to helping the friends, showing love, being one a person could come to without fear of getting in trouble and teaching us that Jesus is the example we should follow, That was given only lip service. For some reason I would often questioned what the GB was teaching but would dismiss it and say to myself it will be fixed down the road, but that never happen. By 2006 my anxiety and depression caused by it was getting worse. My wife and marriage was being strained to the point that I had to do something or I was going to lose her. I started going to a licensed therapist for help. We did not tell anybody about this. Oddly my therapist was a JW and I had to sigh a paper that was given to me that if I revealed a gross sin the therapist would disclose that information to my body of elders. Willingly I signed it because I had nothing to be afraid of and I was desperate for help. For the next 16 months it was discovered I suffered with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, an anxiety disorder and ADD. By those revelations, along with medication, the great anger I had and depression subsided to a very managable degree. Now I can recognize when it comes and with the tools I have learned I stop it before it goes out of control. This saved my marriage. One of the things I had to do in my treatment was apologize to my wife and children. That took alot of courage and humility on my part to admit how wrong I was in my behavior towards them. We are all still healing from all this. With medication for my ADD I was for the first time in my life able to read a whole book from front to back instead of middle to front and back to middle and front skip middle and read back. I know it sounds weird but thats what I did all my life. During this time I was starting to doubt and see discrepancies in the society's teachings. After careful discussions with my wife, she to was having the same doubts. Shortly after that discussions she handed me a book. It was Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. I devoured that book and his second book and anything else I could get my hands on. Those books confirmed what I feeling about this organization for most of my life. Since the middle of last year my wife and I our cautiously exiting from the WT society. Both our married children are on board but there wives are still caught up in this cult. There stories are even worse than mine. All how I have come to hate this cult. By writing this life story I did not intend to outdo others stories because all our stories are unique in what happen to us. It should show how subtle teachings in a cult can become very dangerous to those who are trap in it. The outward appearance of this cult to most people may look harmless but for anybody caught in it, it's a treadmill of guilt, anxiety, self doubt and never being good enough. Here I am in my mid 50's and I am starting life over. Will I learn to love God again? Will I learn to feel a close relationship with Jesus? I don't know now I am just numb inside when it comes to that. I have alot of growing up to do and rethinking my positions on these matters. I never received a apology from my parents when I told them what happen to me as a child even a C. overseer I told this story to and he said (it will make you a better person) I thought to myself how can that be. It's like telling a person having a broken leg will make you a stronger person. I will tell you all leaving this organization is the only way to become a stronger person. Yes I am very happy now. Totally ADD

jamiebowers

even a C. overseer I told this story to and he said (it will make you a better person)

That's because elders, overseers, and members of the gb have no idea how to really help people in crisis. Leaving the cult is the only way to gain strength and happiness. I'm glad it has happened for your family.

JAG913

Totally ADD,

Thank you for sharing your story. I recently joined this website because my fiance was raised as a Witness (he left) and we're struggling with his family. The more I read about this society, the more I am sickened by what they do. I had tears reading this and thinking about the abuse, especially as a young child. I am only 27, and as I watch my fiance rebuild his life after recently leaving the cult, I see the hurt, sadness and numbness he is going through. To have to "de-program" after 50 years has to be even harder. I admire the strength it's taken to break away from all you've ever known and to do what's right by your wife and family. It is something to be proud of. While you say you haven't reached a real relationship yet with Jesus, I will keep you and your family in my prayers that you find peace, strength and a bond that continues to grow. I wish you the best and hope the last of your transition out of that hell goes quickly.

- Jaime

I quit!

Oddly my therapist was a JW and I had to sigh a paper that was given to me that if I revealed a gross sin the therapist would disclose that information to my body of elders.

I think that is so unethical but then again if he was JW he was also a brainwashed follower of the cult so I guess you have to expect such behavior.

I went from being depressed to happy once I left the Watchtower so I can relate to how you feel. I'm glad you and your wife are doing well now.

wobble

Thanks for sharing your story, many of us have shared much of your experience in our own lives, so we share your pain, and we are so glad you are well on the way to a good and happy life.

When I left the cult after 58 years I was in a dangerous state of depression, I am still struggling after three years to squash it absolutely, but I found that as soon as I left, recovery began, and it continues.

All the best to you and yours, may you have peace ,happiness and well-being.

nolongerwaiting

I am so glad that you are happier now!