I have a convaluted relationship w/my JW for-lack-of-a-better-word-BF. We have a bizarre relationship. I am not his GF but must act accordingly. 0_o. Yeah. I know. I am also pregnant. We have a bizarre half-relationship. It's hard to explain, there are a lot of non-JW factors involved. I lived a soap opera for a few years, and in retrospect, his JW beliefs and the soap opera sort of go hand in hand. I see why he acts the way he does sometimes. Although he's not entirely brainwashed yet (I know more in some cases then he does) I can see what a lifetime of his mother's beliefs and occasional exposure to the cult has done to him. Over the course of our "relationship" arguments have erupted when he has told me he needs to go to my dad and apologize for dealing with me without marrying me (My dad would be like, "Ok, I don't have a problem with her dating around, but the whole getting pregnant part is my problem." I know my dad!). He has also said that the next woman he is involved with seriously (i.e. live with, I don't live with him) he is most definately marrying. I knew about the whole JW belief about dating-to-marry, but I never applied it to my own situation, when it has been thrown in my face a million times (I can't see the forest through the trees). This morning whilst perusing the Watchtower.org (I like to keep up with the garbage they are feeding him, he knows this), I came across an article about it. I don't ever discuss marriage, even in my situation, because, call me old fashioned, but I know it makes a lot (not all) men turn heal and run. I've never brought it up, it's him who talks about it, mostly giving reasons why he can't, or what I have to change so he will. Again, I don't bring it up.I don't mind him not wanting to marry me, but I do mind the half-assed relationship I'm involved in! I'm seeing more and more how the JWs have warped his way of thinking, and what inner turmoil he's going through. Nobody can hope to be as perfect as he thinks he should be when it comes time to take the big splash. I don't think God even has those expectations. He knows people sin, thats why there is forgiveness. I freaking hate the WTS. It's f****ing up my life and I've never even stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall!!!!
OKKKAAAAYY Now I get it! Another JW Belief Screwing W/My Life "Date To Marry"
by Confuzzled 7 Replies latest jw friends
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dgp
With all due respect to your situation and your boyfriend, and with the understanding of things Watchtower that I have come to acquire little by little, in my own painful experience, I can tell you this much:
YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A STUPID WIMPY WUSS WHO CLEARLY DOES NOT DESERVE THE BALLS JEHOVAH GAVE HIM.
He knows his baby is on the way, yet he is not man enough to stand up for that child and take responsibility. They wouldn't disfellowship him if he married you. He would take a lot of crap, all right, but his baby is on the other side of the equation. What should a moral man care more about? Looking and LOVING an innocent human being, the flesh of his flesh, or the crap the congregation would give him? If he were to lose his chance to be resurrected at Armageddon (supposing it was not a lie), contrasted to becoming responsible for his baby, the man chooses himself. Yeah, everything he does reflects on Jehovah.
Call me a cynic, but I'm beginning to have the feeling that his insistence on your becoming a witness does not arise just from his indoctrination, but, deep down, from a kind of dim hope that you won't convert and he will not have to marry you.
Many men do run away from marriage in a situation like this one. Indeed. But, in "the world", we hold them responsible for what they did, and not just financially but also morally. I can't believe that someone who supposedly holds himself to a higher moral standard can't even be at the same level than the worldlies. I have personally known cases of 17 year olds who give up everything to look after their children. I can't believe that he is not man enough to do the same.
I can't tell you to leave this man because I understand the feelings involved. But I personally find him lacking.
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Luo bou to
Shit girl Have some self respect Regardless of the cause the mans a jerk.
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OnTheWayOut
I say this as a strong opinion and know that you are free to dismiss my thoughts on this.
You are not living with him. I thought that you were, and that he was a far cry from becoming a JW yet. He is talking about "the next" girl already. A pregnant woman shouldn't be hearing that from her man. He is not your man. You are going to lose him, if not to the Jehovah's Witnesses cult, then to him running from his responsibilities and hooking up with another woman.
Run, woman. RUN. Run away from a relationship with him and get a court-ordered child support in place. Get religious custody if he wants to take the child to the Kingdom Hall. These people might steer you in the right direction with that: http://jwchildcustody.com/
If you are still sleeping with him, break it up. Tell him what a hypocrite he is for wanting to do the righteous thing but using you as a booty call.
If you won't break up with him and you won't heed my advice, demand a ring on that finger. I don't recommend this, but it's better than trying to hold on to him and not being married to him.
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dgp
I second On the Way Out!
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Gayle
Bizarre! Bizarre! Bizarre! This guy is trying to live a type of double life, so he's double bizarre,,he not grounded,,using you,, he doesn't love you,,maybe he is trying the "JW card" to scare you away,,he is not sincere ..you're accepting crap,,stop it!!
You have to start getting you and your baby in priority. I hope your dad will somehow help you. Maybe you could get some counselling to sort through this,, you have to take care of you,,don't count on BF (?).
You say, "Another JW Belief Screwing W/My Life," You do not have to let it. Protect your baby from this madness. Please take care.
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Psychotic Parrot
How about "Date To Rape"? I like that idea
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garyneal
Okay, I think I kind of understand your situation a bit more now. Perhaps... Let me relate to you the circumstances surrounding the birth of my son.
His mom was Catholic but her family was not practicing. I just called myself a Christian but I wasn't going to church regularly and my family never went. We really digged one another at the time and ran around a lot. But it was a summer romance for all intents and purposes. We had nothing in common except the fact that we liked each other between the sheets.
Anyway, she became pregnant and I was ready to marry her. She wanted me to move out to her city, and I wanted her to move to mine. I had a job, she did not. Seemed obvious to me but she was unreasonable. We began to argue more and more about this and other differences.
Long story short, our differences became more and more acute during the pregnancy to the point to where I began to realize that this would not work. Now I had to make a choice. So I did, and I walked out of the relationship but promised to do my part with the child. Pay child support, etc.. She wanted us to work out and so did I but we never could come to a truce.
The embarrassing situation.
Apparently the Catholic church looks very dimly on people who give birth out of wedlock and she was trying to get us hitch without telling her family about her pregnancy. Kind of like, we're married and TA DA, I'm expecting!!!! This would at least save face.
But I too had to face the fact that my so called 'unblemished' image is not so clean and I have a little one to prove it.
Bottom line is this for you and your future baby daddy / co-parent:
He's probably embarassed by the fact that you're pregnant and unwilling to convert.
He probably thinks if he finds a 'more perfect' woman then he can 'salvage' his image.
He's hit the wall with all of his playing the double life thing and he knows it.
Time for him to take his lumps... Time for him to own up to his mistakes and time for him to man up and be a dad.
Meanwhile, things are not going good for you and you're being put in this emotional ringer while you are pregnant and raging with hormones. Not a good combination at all. For your baby's sake, get some distance from the situation and let him work out his crap with his high control religion. You take care of you and tell him that until he becomes a man you don't need the stress.
It does get better over time. My son is now ten years old, his mom and I have a somewhat coordial relationship. We just returned from a 3 day trip with family and he had a good time with us and his little sister.