WTF i can't believe where i could had been

by bibledike 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • bibledike
    bibledike

    I'm 22 years old still young whatever. When i buy a pack of cigerrattes they ask for my id. I was raised in the kingdom with an "unbelieving dad" and a pioneering mother current DF and bout to be married; I hope she never steps foot in that place again although she had been thinking about it. With a brother who lives a few hours away from me i dont know if he's DA DF or just faded. We don't talk about the kingdom hall much unless were talking about who did what in the kingdom hall. Anyway my brother and I got dunk the same day I was 10 and he 11 WTF was i thinking.

    I personally had it made i was popular in the cong. Gave outstanding talks and witness in school, I continue that pattern of behavior until after I graduated high school. Of course I pioneer as soon as I got my dipolma and didn't go to college or even taken the SAT's I wasn't going to need them. A sucessful pioneer sister paid for me to be a CNA. I have no problems with CNA's or the job that they do its the fact that I havent even thought about trying to be sucessful.

    One day about a year into pioneering something came over me. They say bad association spoil useful habits and to be careful who we hung around. All my friends were outstanding in the cong. My best friend even went to a spainsh cong. we use to talk about ourlives growing up and who we wanted to futher the messages. It wasnt my entertainment i also made sure that read, listen to and watch the most upbuilding things. Young people ask was one of my favorite films. When I fell short I prayed about it and talked to the elders and the pioneers in my cong.

    Later on I went to a tech school but dropped out because of were they started me with the math and reading levels. I already knew and didnt want to waste a year learning s**t i already know. Then I was kicked out of the house my mom had a alcohol problem they didn't DF her until it was in the newspaper for a DUI. I was already kicked out but since we lived in a small town and everybody knew my family the DUI was the grounds and not me being kicked to the curve. She cleaned up very nicely and is doing wonderful without the JW. I moved into my aunt house who is very zealous for the teachings. While there I worked at Sonics and pioneer my cousin was on her way out of the JW she was baptized too and had a worldly boyfriend that she loved very much. While there I met this girl at work that was interested in me. Due to my strict lifestyle I was taken back. Over the months the attraction to her grew to the point that I wouldnt out of something. Something had to give it was me or her and i was growing crazy. Not only was it bad association but she was a woman.

    I ended up quitting my job and was very depress to the point that i cut myself it was barely noticeably i used a paper clip. I told one of the elders who no joke did s**t about it besides telling me to rely on Jah. what if I was about to jump off the bridge literally anyway that just left me in more depression. My aunt charge my rent of course not that i mind but i still how to live by her rules the irony. i was still pioneer trying to put jah first and was in very much pain emotionally. one day this pioneer sister who i had a crush on needed my help. she asked me to drive her to pick up her car and was meeting the seller half way i said sure. I ended up missing my curfew and my aunt kicked me out. i had to pack all my things while her and her angels went door to door. i think that was the straw that broke the camels back. i didnt wild out right away i just moved back home because i couldnt make it on my own i was 21 at the time. slowly i stop going out in service instead of going out i went to the movies and watch something that was rated r i didnt care what it was about i just wanted to see what made it rated r. I was addicted to anything rated r after that and the days i did go out i think about woman and what made me attracted to them. i switch congs. to a sister cong. with different meeting times so it was hard to tell if i missed a meeting or just went to a different one. so nobody i assume notice the changes. i soon after got off the pioneer list for schoolings as my excuse i didn't care anymore. everything was happen so fast and i was finding myself. no brother or sister so and so knocked or call to check on me i guess because my mom was DF and they didn't want to catch anything.

    I started a new job at a nursing home where a brother lived d*&n and went back to school for nursing this time i was place in much higer classes. everything was going good and i was finally living even smoking without worry what so and so thought they all could kiss my ass. than i got in a terrible car accident and total my car everything went down hill. So i decide to join the service shit i needed money and an education without a car i couldn't go to school it was too far away. By this time the teaching just faded away like i never spent over 2 hours studing the si book or went to book study. i told my best friend that was in spanish cong she fine too one day she admitted to liking girls too. i hope she fades out but last time i heard she was very zealous in the field making her parents proud damn i wanted to ask her out one day. so anyway she told everybody and thats when the calls and the knock on the door came. this brother even came by to take me to the meeting wow i never knew so many people cared. This sister who i never even met before came by and offered me a place with her and her husband. on top of that she gave me horror stories about the miltary. i left anyway my grandmother blew up my phone begging me not to go shes a die hard JW too.

    Just like that I was DA thank god now I'm taking online classes earning my bach. i should be finsh by year 2011 and i have a bueatiful girlfriend who is my world. just to think i could be still there in the meeting missing out of life. the weird part about it is i don't do drugs, i'm not a hoe and i'm going to be somebody without all the time worring about the riches or fame like they preach. On top of that I'm very patrioic i'm stilling learning about myself. From time to time i ask about the "friends" i hope one day they'll have a wake up call like me and just say fu*k it.

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    Welcome!

    Glad you found your way out. Pioneering was a real eye opening event for me as well. It really made me think twice about giving my entire life to the org.

    -Drew

  • Scarred for life
    Scarred for life

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are doing absolutely the right thing. Congratulation to you. Please keep reading and posting.

  • bibledike
    bibledike

    I know right an eye opener for sure

  • yknot
    yknot

    Wow what a trip!

    I am so happy you broke free!

    Pioneering..... after a month of it you start to figure out why so many fudge their numbers!

    Pioneering is not a future for anyone but bored JW housewives and Elderettes who wanna have a reason to drive to the mall together without being accused of materialism!

    So whatcha gonna be when you graduate?

    Looking forward to your POV on our myriad of subjects!

  • bibledike
    bibledike

    I know right go to the mall or just drink coffee all day i want to become a probational officer

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Welcome to the EXJW site. So glad your free,
    Your still young so have a good chance to be exactly as you would like.
    Good Luck my friend....Granny Grace

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Welcome to JWN and the real world!

  • jaguarbass
    jaguarbass

    Hello, Nice to hear your story. You are on the right track.

    You have a wonderful life ahead of you.

    Good luck!

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