by ladylove 8 Replies latest jw friends
ok call me crazy, but I am still afraid of having nice things. I want them, I dream of them. But have no confidence to go and get them.
I was told I couldn't go to college, so I never tried. I was to be a wife that obeyed.
anyone else in that boat?
if not how did you build the confidence to succeed?
Even though my parents were jerks, they were gophers. They paid off a house in good time. My mom was employed most of the time.
The only thing I can suggest that is worth buying, other than essentials, is your own home. Who cares what kind of car you drive? Most cars are money pits.
If you live in the US, there are bargains out there. Just be careful.
It was the one good thing that my parents taught me. Money management.
This is actually quite common, as the witlesses have spent your whole life drilling in you the fear of materialism. This is so they can retain control of you, and they hope it will eventually drive you back into the tower. They do not want you to go to college or get a decent job for the same reason.
In fact, they do this in every area of one's life. For some, it is the demons. Others have ongoing issues with the holidays. Still others will have a hard time accepting music. Others have trouble making friends on the outside (that didn't or wouldn't have had they remained in the world). For you, it is the idea of going out there, starting a career, and acquiring material things.
It is not easy to get into the workplace in a decent job. The government regulations were created specifically to protect their own power and the wealth of a few companies that do not want you in on it. So they will do all they can to prevent newbies from getting those good jobs (how often do you see "2-3 years experience required" in every single damn job aside window washers or dishwashers?). Which leaves you with a hassle to find the starting point that they so carefully hide, even now with the Internet. College and training classes cost you money that you won't have until and unless you complete it and find the job that they are trying so hard to keep out of range.
Then, starting one's own business is difficult and can take almost as much time as being a Jehovah Witless. You need to integrate every detail, make sure there is a market for your product or service, and then make sure you are better than your competition in some way. Worse, there always seems to be so much government hassle and regulations to cope with. The truth is that the government does not want newbies starting businesses that could put them in financial independence, nor do they want people to start a business that will put the established crap companies out of business. So, they do their best to hassle you, not being upfront, finding violations after they OK'd something and then come in and claiming that you are wrong, fabricating tax liabilities that were not there, and doing all they can to stop you from making it (so much for free enterprise). That might not have been true when this country was founded, but each new regulatory agency they created has eroded this country to the point where it is next to impossible to start new companies.
Even if you find an industry that still lacks regulations (so far, telecommunications and the computer industry are the only two that are still fairly free), you have to steer clear of scams. About 99.9% of all MLMs that you find in search engines have something in them to stop you from making any money. Most work at home/start your own "business" programs are actually either scams or require a lot of hard work on your part for uncertain results. If you do not have a product (which can legally be sold without the government regulators snooping in), most of the products they have to offer will not work.
All of which would be bad enough. But, the witlesses add additional problems to this. They have their own rules and bureaucracies to go through, and it is usually impossible for them to clear anything. Unless you go wash windows or get involved in those no-win MLMs that they push, you are basically out of luck. And they constantly drill into you that money is valueless, that the effort needed to make it could be better put in field circus, and that so many industries (including the computer industry) are from Satan. Conditioning from two sources to keep you poor.
ooooh yes - back in the day when I was a JW I was made to feel very guilty (by some ""friends"") that I had a good career, that I got paid well and could afford to be lavish.
Now....whatever I want I'll get it - well not everything - I want a huge house and a million dollars but I don't have it now..... I tend to be positive about material things - I don't make it a priority but I'm glad I can afford nice things - nothing wrong with it. I tend to spend lots on my family.
Get the confidence to go get it.
I totally am in the same boat. I have the tendency to settle on mediocrity because that is how I am programmed. My dad made pretty damn good money but he was one of those types that liked to give a LOT of money to the wtbs at the expense of nice things for him and nice things for the family. I am trying to break out of this mindset but it is hard. But alas I will eventually.
I bought a huge Plazma TV and it feels good...in the past brothers would envy each other over new cars or furniture..."not putting the kingdom first."
When we were first married and still in JWland, I was the same way. My husband had wealthier parents and a nonWitness dad, so he has tried to teach me to spend a bit more for a better quality item. That was very hard for me to learn, I was always surrounded by the poverty for Jehovah ideology is the best way. When we were young we couldn't afford anything anyway, not even a crib for our first child. Now we are better off financially and are able to get better quality, higher priced items. I think I am over the hurdle though, I walked into a jewelry store last weel and bought myself an early birthday present last week. $400 just because I wanted it now and could get it.
I agree that a house is a great place to get the best you can afford. When we were told the house values in our neighborhood would double within 5 years, the price was well worth it. We got all high quality, even cast iron bathtubs and granite counters. They will last longer than we will. Property is a sure bet because God, or whomever, isn't making anymore of it.
momz
if not how did you build the confidence to succeed?
Getting out of ingrained thought paterns and paterned responses is never easy once they have become automatic either through religous or cultural indoctrination . Try to looking closer at things you do & think,, that have become almost automatic, and as you do this try to break out of paterned or automatic responses. Try new things be adventerous, look for new and better ideas, and ways of handling situations instead of the old ways you used to use. With time and conscious effort you will break old ingrained paterns and in many cases stop repeating the same mistakes. Many times persons regularly become victims because they have a victim mentality, so a change of attitude is what often breaks the cycle of repeated victimization.
It is not a comfortable thing to do especially in the begining, and in the struggle you may find yourself getting disoriented, but don't give up like many do and return to the old comfortable ingrained and often times thoughtless old ways of dealling with lifes challenges, for in time the disorientation will disappear and you will find greater confidence and skill in your thinking and problem solving, and life will have new meaning each day, because of your creativity you will unleash once you see and break free from the rut of paterned thinking and behaviour you were in.
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.
