Need a Little Help With This!!!

by leaving-jws 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • leaving-jws
    leaving-jws

    I have a older sister that I have shared my feelings with about my doubt that JWs are truly God's organization. She is the only sibling I have that knows I am not going to meetings and has vowed not to tell mom and dad. The reason she can promise is because she doesn't go to meetings herself. And this is where the story begins...

    I was over her house about four months ago for lunch. There was a knock at the door. I went to look in the peephole and I noticed it was some of friends from her hall. I am not one to open up doors in someone else's house even if it is my sister's house. So I told her that there were some of her JW friends at the door.

    She tells me don't worry they will go away. They just want to know why I have not been at the meetings. But I said, "Sis, they know you are here. The windows are open, the music is on, they can see you. Look, they are waving at you through the windows right now! See!" (Visual --Friends are waving and smiling in the window as I speak). "I don't care, she says, they just want to bother me." "Next time I go to that meeting I'm going to tell them to stop coming over here without a phone call." So I say, "Well what if they did call would you open the door?" "No, she says, I will just make sure I'm not here when they show up. I don't have to answer to anyone." (Visual--Friends look upset, walk slowly back to cars, with frequent glances over their shoulders). I wonder how many times this happens? Also, it seems the longer she stays away from the hall the more callous she becomes about trying to fake that she likes them. I mean these people used to be her friends. She rarely returns their phone calls as well.

    My sister can be kind of rude sometimes..

    However, my point is when I talk to her about the WT mistakes with dates, the increase in the memorial partakers statistics and the possible changes in generation dates, she will not listen to me. She knows that the WT makes mistakes but she says that "it is not a reason to give up on Jehovah." But then I tell her that she has basically already given up based on ther track record with meeting attendance. She has never been regular at meetings since she moved out from mom and dad's. She will not address this and simply say, "That's something I need to work on." If the elders bother her enough with phone calls, she will make a few appearances and then split for a while.

    She has always lived a double life and has many worldly friends. Despite the fact that WT frowns on many of her behaviors, she persists in it. Even when I research things that she is doing that is wrong from the WT standpoint and back it up with WT articles and then conclude that this is why she should just give up. She will say "I don't believe what the WT is saying", "some people take what the WT say so seriously, I'm not like that" or "I don't see anything wrong with that." So then, I say, "Just give it up then." But she will say, "you just want me to be just like you."

    I really confused with her behavior and I just don't know what to make out of it. Any suggestions on how to reason with her?...

  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear Leaving,

    Sounds like she is still convinced that if she leaves the Borg, she is leaving Jehovah. Perhaps you could try reasoning with her that salvation does NOT depend on being a "Jehovahs Witness". Perhaps she is afraid of throwing her relationship with Jehovah out the door because she has been programmed to believe you cannot have one without the other. Is she baptised?? Don't give up on her. It may take some time, but sounds like in time you may get through to her.

    Sincerely,

    Lady Liberty

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    "it is not a reason to give up on Jehovah."





    In her misery and doubts she feels as if she walks away from the organization she walks away from GOD, not realizing he is not there anyway.


    purps

  • sweetstuff
    sweetstuff

    Ok it sounds like she still believes its the "truth" but doesn't want to do the work, aka meetings, service, lifestyle. Be careful what you confide in her, it could blow up in your face, the minute she gets caught for doing something "wrong" and feels the need to unburden herself on the elders. My advice, would be to very carefully bring up subjects using no dates, no statistics. Like birthdays, blood transfusions. Ask her, "do you ever wish you could have a birthday bash? I mean, there is no where in the bible that says its wrong".

    Some people dont' want to know the research, the dates, the facts even. But if you get them to think on their own terms about why the WTS doesn't allow certain things, the wheels begin to turn. Without them feeling you are swamping them with boring statistics and data. She sounds a bit like my ex husband actually, lol. He doesn't want to be a witness, isn't yet will openly say, "It is still the best way to live, I just can't do the lifestyle". Meaning he is still brainwashed into thinking its the "truth". Actually told me my biggest problem was that I "think too much". Yeah, poor me.

    Be very careful how deeply you discuss the big bad ole WTS with her. Like I said, getting caught in a sin has a way of opening mouths, even in family members to divert attention from themselves. Just concentrate on having fun with her and bringing up the odd point here and there, slowly to make her think for herself. That's about all you can do, at this point.

  • 5go
    5go

    Sounds like she is still a blue pill. Be careful she may go agent on you!

    I would let her figure it out for herself. Start worrying more about yourself. It may sound greedy, but it maybe what she needs to to see you doing well outside.

  • Mum
    Mum

    Most JW's cannot really tolerate all of the burdens put upon them. People have different ways of coping. Your sister has found hers. I agree that it makes no sense to me either. But, again, at one time leaving the borg didn't make sense to me. She has to grow and learn at her own pace in her own way. Just be there for her when she needs you and as long as she doesn't harm herself or others, don't worry about how weird she behaves. How can anyone be a JW and not be weird in some way?

    Regards,

    SandraC

  • leaving-jws
    leaving-jws

    Thanks for the advice. You guys are right because when I first starting talking to her about what I was learning she threaten to talk to mom and dad. Then I reasoned with her that it wouldn't be smart to tell them about me if she was not 'serving Jehovah to her capabilities.' And I would make sure they knew that fact about her. So she got over it. But she doesn't know how I get my info. She thinks I'm doing my research with the WT CD-ROM and other WT publications. Anything I show her to prove my argument is always WT- based.

    But I think I will stop talking to her about it and just try to enjoy our relationship as it stands.

  • darkuncle29
    darkuncle29
    But I think I will stop talking to her about it and just try to enjoy our relationship as it stands.

    I think that is a very good plan. Good Luck.

  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother

    Sound like she is already well on the way out ! I think I would allow her to carry on drifting , content in the knowledge that she is not "in " anyway and something is sure to happen to cut the final tie.

    It is interesting though to observe how different people react to both the J W life and the evidences that the teachings are wrong. For me, I could put up with the hypocrisy and back stabbing elders if I really believed that the WT teachings on the page were correct . I just figured that god would sort out his organization in time....So it was, and is, teachings and doctrinal argument and falsehoods on the printed page that made me give it up.

    Other people are different. I see it in the family and here at J W D, People have been "stumbled" by what an elder said. Whereas I would have sighed and carried on, viewing it as no big deal. When I present solid fact and reasoning to the family they just say "so what", It does not matter to them if the WTS was affiliated to the U N , or that the 607bce date is false ..they just blindly believe, because they believe and that is that

    I guess different things matter to different people

  • mentalclearness
    mentalclearness

    This reminded me a bit of myself. I was already inactive and some friends of mine who were not witnesses were telling me about all these "apostate" books they had read. I wasn't interested in the least at that time. I just didn't really want to think about anything that had to do with the witnesses because my conscience was really bothering me about all the things I was doing. It just wasn't the time for me to unmask the real truth. I actually became active again. Always half heartedly and now I am inactive once again but completely convinced that the witnesses are not God's organization. Everyone is different. But you've given her the info. The ball is in her court whether she wants to do something about it. Maybe she is not ready to deal with the reality of it all.

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