Did you avoid becoming a elder in order to take care of your family?

flipper

I was raised in the witnesses from the 1960's on and my dad was an elder who invariably was taking care of congregation problems with publishers, constantly. How many of us remember wives and children sitting at the back of the halls waiting for an after meeting elders meeting to finish, only to get more frustrated as an hour or so would go by? For those of us raised in this it was always congregation business first, family second. So I wasn't as close to my father as I would have liked, he was quietly dignified in an evasive, stuffy manner with not much sense of humor. I got along great with mom though as she balanced my dad out with her great humor and being real about life and everything. So I promised myself when I grew up, I'd have a much closer relationship with my kids or son, than my dad did with me.I wouldn't sacrifice giving all my time for the congregation at the expense of being a good dad. It has worked with my son. He's 22, great young man, in college, smart, cool kid. My witness daughters are devout in it due to my self righteous ex's influence but I love them and they feel the same. What about you folks? What are your stories of avoiding becoming an elder or "reaching out" so you could be a better parent to your children? Please feel free to share. It might help some lurkers who need to be more balanced about giving real quality time to their children. Thanks, Peace Mr. Flipper

misanthropic

my dad was an elder who invariably was taking care of congregation problems with publishers, constantly. How many of us remember wives and children sitting at the back of the halls waiting for an after meeting elders meeting to finish, only to get more frustrated as an hour or so would go by? For those of us raised in this it was always congregation business first, family second. So I wasn't as close to my father as I would have liked, he was quietly dignified in an evasive, stuffy manner with not much sense of humor.

This reminds me of my dad. Although, my dad had a wonderful sense of humor that was reserved only for impressing other witnesses. I hardly remember my dad being around much because when he wasn't at work he was on sheparding calls or elders meetings. Good thing for summer vacation trips or I'd have no personal memories of him.

monophonic

many, many, many times i had to wait for my dad in his elders meetings that were always only going to be a few minutes and my mom, sis and me would wait two hours in an empty kingdom hall on a school night.

boring as HELL. my dad was a dick. helped everyone in the congregation at the expense of our sanity.

but, once an elder, it's like the mafia, you really have to fight to get out and not have everyone on your ass that you've secretly sinned. i have a friend trying to get out now. they're going to put him through shit b/c the elder body has no comprehension of putting his family first, everyone who steps down automatically gets investigated and pressured to stay in.

i think he's so frustrated with these tactics he's going to end up inactive pretty quick if he can do a soft fade.

i remember, once i got my 'privileges' back, the elders slammed me w/ the watchtower desk, attendant duties, microphone duties, all this stuff i didn't want, didn't even ask for, they just announced it from the platform. we moved out of that hall fast b/c they would've been up my ass forever for not getting excited that i was being 'used'.

back to being a kid in an empty kingdom hall, there's only so many doodles you can do on time slips while waiting....at least now there's cell phones and laptops and blackberrys and vid games.

return visitor

I am an ex elder. I could never understand elders that put the congregation before their own family. When my first child started high school I could see that I needed to spend more time at home than i could if i were an elder, so I resigned. To be fair, the org. literature always said to put your family first. To me it is more of an inditement of the men who beocme elders and there reason for doing so. It is for personal glory and not necessarily to serve others. Case in point, my wife's father has been and elder for over 45 years and every thing she has ever done has been looked at through the lens of how it would reflect on him. She has a lot of resentment about that.

RV

flipper

Misanthropic- At least your dad had humor.It's hard to draw close to a father when he's emotionally vacant for you all year long and then wants to go on a vacation thinking you can turn on good feelings automatically after neglect, thinking it makes it all better. Monophonic- Sorry you went through that too. It's so true that as an elder, if you want out, your motives are scrutinized even more than a ordinary publisher.Good luck on your friend's soft fade. he's going to need it. He might have good motives to do it for his family, but his fellow elders will probably question his motives, just the same, it's their way of doing things. Return Visitor- I often thought I had to watch my conduct as an elders son or I'd jeopardize my dad's position as an elder. That was the important thing, not his and my relationship. Weird. I commend you for resigning your position and seeing how important your family was and is. Not alot of elders like you. Most hang onto their position to the bitter end. It's all about appearance and personal glory. I'd say 70% of elders I knew did it for personal glory, maybe 30% did it because they cared for others. I'm quite sure you were one of those 30 %. Thanks, Peace to you all, Mr. Flipper

blondie

Yes, flipper, that is the reason "I" avoided being an elder. It worked too. I was never even considered for microphones though I did get to read at the book study.

Blondie

Alligator Wisdom

I refused eldership twice! Never did want to get into the politics of it.

Funny thing though, the elder body seems jealous. I don't have to do the routine mechanical dry in-step that they "have to" perform all the time. I'm free to help shepherd the sheep in my own way, give attention to the ones overlooked by the elders in the congregation, making myself approachable and available which the elders can't do because they are wrapped up with scheduling and paperwork before during and after meetings.

You know what ticks the elders off the most. When we have guests or visitors in the congregation, they always assume that I'm the elder and that the PO or secretary isn't. These elders really don't like being overlooked or mistaken for not being elders. I'm not that old, in my 30's, in case you were wondering.

You see, that's only one reason why I don't want to be an elder. Your hands are tied while on a power recognition trip. Doesn't sound like fun nor a privilege to me.

Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)

darth fader

Absolutlely! In our lives BC (before children) it was easy and expected to have the extra responsibilities. Once the kids came I realized I wanted to be with them more!

Plus I resented the opinion we shouldn't be starting families so close to the end. In the event of Armageddon who better to hold on tight to- family or total strangers you have nothing in common with other than being a lost soul?

As they became older I realized I didn't want them to re live my experiences. Hence we did a rather fast fade. Kids are doing great, enjoying their life! So re we!

flipper

Blondie- It's good you're not an elder, you'd scare the hell out of the other elders with you're wisdom anyway. The bright light would blind them. I'm sure you're family was glad to have you with them, instead. I'm happy you did get to read at the book study though. Did the elders make you wear a helmet on your head?? Probably not, you weren't "teaching".LOL. Alligator Wisdom- It certainly is political. If you don't brown nose and kiss up to the right elders, you won't even get noticed anyway. I had a newly appointed elder tell me that once. Personally, I never kissed up to any of them. Too independent. It's good of you to welcome others with a friendly motive, unlike some elders who do it to be noticed, for power trips. Darth Fader- Correct for sure. I pioneeered 3 years and was a ministerial servant for 6 years before the kids came. But felt so much better about giving them quality time and helping them develop social skills, rather than be giving myself to people in the cong. who probably would'nt appreciate it anyway. More rewarding with your kids. Thanks, ya'll, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

JeffT

Yes, and I was counseled for not "reaching out." I've never once regreted that decision.

Did you avoid becoming a elder in order to take care of your family?

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