by hambeak 6 Replies latest social relationships
As some of you know I now have a new job and my significant other is still at the old place.
I am making very good money and am not putting up with his drama queen attitude or the foul mouth.
He is still the best at what he does and the techs there I do not trust their diagnostics. I am going to bring him there in a couple weeks.
I just enjoy not being around him 24/7 So I guess I am a jerk for feeling like this.
Any advice?
Hey Hambeak,
Good hearing from you! Congratulations, but then, condolences. A tough situation. Past and present relationships have presented me some real challenges. I feel to this day that boundaries have to be set. Good fences make good neighbors. In a 24/7- relationship, however, with emotions and "rights" and demands, one person always ends up doing more of the yielding. Can you simply ask [is it really "simple"?], "Do you see the need for some time/activities apart from each other?"; "Do we have to work AND live together?" I'm trying to set boundaries with certain individuals who continue insinuating themselves into my life and get crazy and defensive at any reasonable explanation I try to give. Then my not answering the phone causes even more problems. But, these are not members of the household. Just wanted you to know I understand, but seem so helpless myself. Sorry!
CoCo
HamB,
I don't know if I have any advice on relationships - but why don't you trust the techs where you are at? What makes your ex the best at what he does?
Hi Hambeak
nice to hear your good news. You are not a jerk.
All I can say is that if he is going to affect your stability and wholeness then keep him at a distance, but if you can remain intact and stable then have him back. Your stability and wholeness are more important than anything else - this is the conclusion I am coming to at present so my advice to you is from what I am applying in my own life.
love
bernadette
Further to the above
My situation is whether or not to start going back to the meetings to support my hubby and to be there for him. But the thing is I find the meetings/the pressure to conform quite damaging to myself personally.
I'm thinking that If the pressure does not affect me then I can go back - but for now it would be too damaging so I'm going to give it more time and continue to keep the whole jw setup at a distance.
all the best to you. Hope u understand what I mean. Sometimes i just don't make sense.
bernadette
I just enjoy not being around him 24/7 So I guess I am a jerk for feeling like this.
There's something pathological going on when one feels that they have to be with their partner 24/7. I'm sure you know that. So not wanting be around him 24/7 is not just normal, it's OK. Really. Don't beat yourself up over it.
The question you need to ask yourself is this: Why does he need to have you around 24/7? Control? Insecurity? Trust issues?
Once you figure out the answer, you know the direction you need to go with your relationship.
Hambeak, based what I know about the generosity of your spirit (I remember your car advice thread -- so helpful to so many!), no one, including you, should refer to you as a jerk. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
