My Personal Turmoil

by stevieb1 6 Replies latest jw experiences

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  stevieb1

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  I am still one of Jehovah's Witnesses, although I disagree with a number of the tenets of the WatchTower Society. I feel that I cannot preach their version of the "good news" to my neighbours and I told an inquiring elder from the congregation that I felt that their was a gulf between the Society's version of the good news and that preached by Christ. They now want to give me a "shepherding call". Though I have not openly spread any specifics of my research to the brothers in the congregation I was willing to share my Scriptural findings with the elders at the shepherding call. The elder that called me said that he did not want to hear of my findings, nor would it be the purpose of the shepherding call. The purpose would be to prove to me the Scriptural "reality" that Jehovah was using an organization on earth today. I refused the shepherding call on the basis that it would be futile for them to convince me at this stage of something the Scriptures do not indicate. It is my stated wish that I want to be left alone, but I feel the elders will try to force me into a corner so they can read the riot act to me.
  I have said to them that the reason I attend the Kingdom Hall is because I believe that JW's are a body of Christians and I am fulfilling a Scriptural requirement to associate with fellow believers. One of my strong points at the Kingdom Hall is to share my insights into the Scriptures through my commenting at meetings - which the brothers really appreciate. It would seem now as a matter of course that the elders will stop me from sharing these thoughts with the congregation, and perhaps even warn others against associating with me.

  I have for many years suffered from depression and I feel that the elders have always been too busy to address this issue. Very few of them had any comfort to offer, but because I disagree with them on some points they want to forcibly wrench these Scriptural findings out of my heart and force me to return to Watch Tower untruth or else.

  Has anyone else ever had such an experience?
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  jayhawk1

  Hi stevieb1,
  I will have to agree with you on your point about not being called on. What you have done is called "going ahead of the congregation." Elders really hate that. I agree with you that you have the right to fellowship and should be able to comment at will. However, the elders do not see it that way. I have heard tales of JWs in Bethel being expelled because of independent studies of the bible. They likewise found conflicting ideas taught in the bible. It would not surprise me if you are shunned first by the elders and then by the rest of the congregation. Likely rumors will start about you not being "good association." An elder might say something to his wife, she will tell her friends and her friends will tell everyone else. This happened to me when I found it necessary to grow a beard. I grew it because of psoriasis and a rumor was started that I was rebellious. So because they thought I was rebellious, I quit going over a period of time. Now if they were to come by, I have no desire to give them the time of day. About nine months ago the Circuit Overseer wanted to come over to my house, I said no, and that was the last I have heard from them. Likely everybody was told to stay away from me. I hope some of this is helpful to you.

  "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford
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  Teirce

  My question is if you could determine whether your depression was in any latent way related to this knowledge or preknowledge of the dichotomies you've mentioned. If so, I'd say the way out of that depression is clear.
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  outnfree

  Hear, hear, Teirce!

  stevieb1,

  It always amazes me that the elders will actually SAY that the shepherding call isn't really to "shepherd" at all, but, rather, to bring you under control!!!

  If, because of family ties, you wish to remain a Witness, then you must diligently avoid being sucked into any meeting with the elders as well as keeping your views completely private (discuss them here as an outlet ) Otherwise, they will DF you so fast it'll make your head spin!!!

  Take care, stevieb1! And welcome to the board!

  outnfree

  Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire
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  Pureheart

  Keep your thoughts to yourself. Air them here if you need to vent. I feel the same way that you do. I have had similar experiences. You are not wrong in your feelings. Let no one make you feel any other way.
  Pureheart
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  stevieb1

  Thank you all for your concern. It is very much appreciated.

  Just to update you, I have kept my thoughts to myself and not given the elders any reason to disfellowship me and over the past few days I have not been approached by them. Yesterday at the meeting the body of elders went into the Kingdom Hall library for a little conference which could have been about anything, but the last two elders to come out of the room were the same two dealing with my case. Even if I am reading too much into this, you can be sure that my refusal to accept the "shepherding" visit was part of the agenda.

  Agape

  stevieb1
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  TheRecordCollector

  Hi

  I am not a witness, but I've thought about it. but I've had questions concerning some doctrines. I talk to witnesses, and either no one can explain it, or I get different answers, or they get frustrated and angry and leave.

  And I asked valid questions using the NWT. Such as John1:1-2, in the light of Deut: 32:39. Simple questions. I'm not trying to throw a wrench, but I have questions.

  See, when I consider becoming part of a religion or something, I dissect it and look at each part, wanting to know WHAT they believe and WHY. Is that wrong?

  I take the Bible literal - as God's word.