im in love with a Jehovah's Witness

by saddler 66 Replies latest social relationships

  • saddler

    I've fallen in love with a Jehovah's Witness and I know she feels the same way about me but the problem is that im a Methodist and cant find it in me to give up my faith and become a Jehovah's Witness as I would not expect her to give up her faith and it is driving us both crazy. I've known this lovely lady for the past 8 years and have only now told her how I feel and every second im away from her im thinking of her wanting to be with her. so im asking people who might know or be able to help Is there any way we can marry and still keep our individual faith's

  • Dismembered

    Greetings Saddler

    Congrats on finding love!. But scour this site for information, it will help you. I promise


  • Brigid

    Anything is possible if true love is involved. ANYTHING. However, you will find this not to be like other mixed faith marriages/relationships. It's very deeply ingrained into the witness psyche that if you are not a Jehovah's Witness, you will perish at Armageddon. This is why they go door to door avidly. This is why she'll probably never feel whole until you are a baptized witness. This will always hover around your relationship as long as she remains a witness. Or until you convert. And the pressure will be great and ongoing, is my guess.

    Also, be careful with any children. Educate yourself on how the society views the giving of blood even in life threatening situations. Many children have died due to this policy. Please be careful.

    But if it's true love, nothing will keep you apart. Careful, though...true love does not always equal a happy ending.

    Many blessings to you,


  • ballistic

    All the best Saddler, there have been several posts recently like this. You will find some answers here, though bear in mind the majority of members here have *escaped* the JWs.

  • anewme

    Saddler, congratulations! I'm sure your love is a fine gal, one in a million.
    I knew a young man who pined for a Witness girl. 21 years he waited for her. She actually married a witness man and then became dissillusioned and left both the husband and the religion.

    Then he snatched her up and carried her off to LOVE LAND!

    We've been married now 11 months!!!!

  • greendawn

    Welcome to the forum, you are doing well not wanting to become a JW since they are a cultic organisation with many strange dogmas and practices. It is difficult for JWs to abandon their religion because they are told that everything outside is satan dominated.

  • jgnat

    Yes, it is possible for this to work. I am in love with a Jehovah's Witness, and I married him. There are several factors working in our favour, however.

    • My children are grown. THERE WILL BE NO DISPUTES on how children are to be raised, and I do not have to worry that a child of mine will be at risk of death from avoiding a blood transfusion.
    • We negotiated mutual respect for our respective beliefs. We talked about Christmas, family events, mutual respect, attendance at funerals, weddings, blood, etc. etc. prior to committing. Nevertheless, hubby frequently renegs on his promises whenever an article or WT putsch comes up.
    • Talk, talk, talk it all out.

    DO EXPECT opposition from all sides. The Kingdom hall people will be nice so long as they think you can be converted. As soon as THAT pans out, they will get cool towards you as a couple. Be sure both of you are prepared to soldier on alone. It is VERY TOUGH finding confidants who can understand what the two of you are going through. This board is my lifeline.

    If I were you, I would strongly reconsider committing to this woman if you plan on having a family some day. Would you want to risk raising a child only to have it permanently lost to you either through death (abstain blood) or doctrine (shun you because you are not spiritual enough).

  • unclebruce
    Is there any way we can marry and still keep our individual faith's

    G'day saddler,

    Elope, seriously - If at all possible do it. The only way I see for your love's head to clear will be if she has a decent break from her relenless regime of meetings, meetings and more meetings.

    I was a Methodist till about 8 years of age and have memories of being a part of what the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society call "Babylon the Great" the "that Idolotrous Harlot Christendom." good luck.

    Here is a web site by Steve Hassan which might help. Steve is the author of "Combatting Cult Mind Control"

  • Scully

    There have been cases of JWs being told from "higher ups" in the organization that to marry outside the JWs, they may as well kiss a corpse. They are supposed to feel repulsed by the idea of having a relationship with non-JWs. To them, you're as good as dead unless you convert to the JWs.

    Make sure your sweetheart doesn't have an ulterior motive to convert you to the JWs.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    so im asking people who might know or be able to help Is there any way we can marry and still keep our individual faith's

    Anything is possible. There are several factors working against you however.

    (1) They consider it to be a sin against Jehovah to marry outside their religion. Therefore she will put quite a bit of pressure on you to at least study and/or get baptized. It is possible this pressure may not stop.

    (2) For a Witness to leave their religion and join another is considered apostacy and apostacy is considered the absolute worst thing a Witness can do. An apostate, or ex-Witness, is taught to be dead before Jehovah and is considered to be worse than a pedophile.

    (3) Celebrating holidays will be difficult if not impossible as Witnesses are taught to never celebrate Christmas, birthdays, etc.

    (4) If you ever decide to have children, she will be oblitgated to raise them in the Witness faith, which means no holiday celebrations, no flag salute at school, no playing school sports, going door-to-door selling their literature every weekend and so on.

    I've known couples that have made it work. It is possible, but very difficult. I left 17 years ago; my wife didn't leave until just 4 years ago. Those intervening years were difficult on us. I never felt as close to her as I did before as this religious sect was between us. Through guilt, she often pressured me to attend meetings or conventions. Thankfully she finally left but in all honesty it was not an ideal situation.

    Best of luck to you.

  • prophecor

    Run For Cover!!!!! Your Emotional Happiness Depends On It !!!!

    Seriously!!!!! This is not a Joke!!!!!!!

  • Super_Becka

    Hi saddler, welcome to the board!!

    I, like yourself, find myself in love with a Witness, and I certainly know how hard it can be. I'm an Anglican and I have no desire to give up my faith to become a Witness like my boyfriend, especially after all I've learned, so I know how hard it can be to try and reconcile your beliefs with those of a Witness, it's not an easy task.

    I haven't figured out what would be the best thing for me to do with my relationship just yet, it's certainly had it's ups and downs, but rest assured that there are lots of people on this board who are more than willing to help you out with your situation. When I came here a few months back, curious and concerned, they welcomed me with open arms and gave me lots of good information and advice on Witnesses and what they believe and how to deal with them, and I know that they'll do the same for you.

    My best advice for you - stick around the forum, ask lots of questions, do lots of research, and keep the lines of communication open with your girl. Think things over, work things out, live and learn, and who knows, maybe this will work out for you. I hold the same hope for my relationship.

    Good luck!! I hope you find the help and support that you need here, and I hope that everything works out for you!!

    -Becka :)

  • Frog

    hi saddler, you're very wise to ask for advise from posters on this board, no doubt you will get a range of varying responses.

    If your jw female friend decides that she can act on reciprocating your feelings just must remember that she will be put through hell by her local congregation and family. The JW's quote a scripture which goes something like "do not yoke yourself unevenly with an unbeliever". This sort of thing is taken very seriously, and it's very likely she will lose her congregational privileges for some time if she involves herself with you further. She will no doubt be made to feel intensively guilty for allowing herself to fall in love and be loved. It will be one hell of a rollacoaster that statistically speaking at some point you will wish you never got on.

    I realise how alluring JW can be, but they can also be terribly naive and not to mention emotionally traumatised by their JW upbringing and experiences. She will seem unique and pure, but those are the hallmarks of most JW girls who have little exposure to the outside world.

    I realise it's difficult to listen to your head over your heart in these things, but I guarantee you that if you can't take the advice of the people on this board who have lived it for themselves, you will most definitely at some point in the near future wish you had.

    All the best to you, I know how tough it can be. x

  • serendipity

    Hi saddler,

    Welcome to the forum!

    How devout is your friend? Some questions to ask: Does she go to meetings 3 times a week? Does she go out in field service (door to door preaching work) and for how long each month? Does she have any other friends who are not JWs? Is she baptized? Does she plan to get baptized? Would she try to convert you?

    If she is on the fringes or is not baptized and has no plans to get baptized, you might have a future. The best thing to do is to talk through all this with her.

    I'm technically a JW, but I'm not 'devout' by their definition and would have no problem marrying a non JW and allow him to pursue his faith (within reason).

    I wish you the best.

  • Brigid

    Saddler, congratulations! I'm sure your love is a fine gal, one in a million.
    I knew a young man who pined for a Witness girl. 21 years he waited for her. She actually married a witness man and then became dissillusioned and left both the husband and the religion.
    Then he snatched her up and carried her off to LOVE LAND!
    We've been married now 11 months!!!! Anewme, This is so unbelievably romantic! Mazel Tov!
    ~Brigid wishing you many more years of happiness

  • stillAwitness

    I'm wit propchecor on this one: RUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!

    Ok, but let's be fair here. You are in love which is a very powerful thing. It depends on how into the JW mindset she is in? I mean, she could be real liberal guys, Maybe only been a witness for a couple years and whatnot. After all, she is dating an "unbeliever" but if she is a fanatical JW..well then find the nearest exit my friend.

  • Woodsman

    I would start by asking her that question before you start confessing your love for one another. Sometimes in the middle of romance and all the fluffy stuff you gotta ask serious questions.

  • slimboyfat


    Can I ask the derivation of your name? I found it actually quite offensive when I first saw it... but if it has an innocent explanation...

  • LittleToe

    SBF:WTF has that got to do with the thread? Either start your own or PM the dude!

    The statistics don't look good, I'm afraid, but everyone loves a happy ending - if she's an active JW and wants to stay that way then now might not be a good time - good luck, we wish you well.

  • slimboyfat

    i ran out of threads because i stuffed the first one up, and i only gets two allocated to myself...

    sorry for the abberation.

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