I was wrongfully DF'd 5 years ago and joked about wearing a DF on the front of my clothing, like the letter A in the Scarlet Letter, because I had been marked for all to know that I was a sinner. People that I had known since childhood, or my BFF's from the hall, went out of their way to avoid eye contact with me, or not speaking to me but to my husband who was sitting right next to me. I hated going out in public for fear of running into someone that I knew from the congregation.
I remember telling my mom (who never stopped speaking to me) that I was still the same person, yet this label somehow defined who I was to those in the cong...someone that was looked upon as a deviant. I even tried to go back to get reinstated for my husband so his family would invite us to family functions. Which was so painful that I ended up taking meds for anxiety just to attend meetings. I might add that when his mom and sisters were DF'd for 15 out of our 25 years of marriage, I never once shunned them nor did not invite them over for dinner because they were disfellowshipped. Hell, I even went on family vacations with them. BUT when they came back, one at a time over a 5-7 year period, they all had this new lease on life so by the time I was wrongfully DF'd, they forgot the unconditional love that I showed them and shunned me, cutting me off from any family get togethers.
With the exception of when my SIL was dying. I devoted 2-3 nights a week for 4 months, to take care of her so my in-laws could get some sleep, as she was living with them at the time. The last 3 weeks she was alive, I spent all but 3 nights with her at hospice because I was the one that she had come to trust, not her parents, not her husband, not her siblings...me! She knew my heart and knew that I was the exact same person that I was before I was labeled. Sure, the family talked to me, some in the congregation talked to me while I was taking care of my SIL, but once she died, sadly it went back to the way it was. No more social interaction.
Labeling is what JW's do. From being labeled as bad association based on lack of meeting attendance or field service hours, to being over zealous because you are an elder, ms or a pioneer. Those who skirt the labeling are ones who get their 10 hours in a month, hit 2/3 of the meetings and read a scripture once in a while. That is how I lived most of my JW life.
5 years after being disfellowshipped, and recently filed for divorce from my husband of 25 years, I am a much better person and am thankful, yes thankful, that I was wrongfully df'd. I do not allow my "label" to define me and I could give 2 shits less about what anyone in the org thinks about me. I no longer feel sorry for myself, but I feel sorry for them!! I proudly wear this label now!! I wish that they could experience the freedom that I have found outside the confines of the religion. I hate what this religion does to their "followers" and hope that those who are shunned by their families and former JW friends find the freedom that I have found and stop allowing these labels to define who we are.
