Life after the Borg

Ranchette

My husband and I were raised as witnesses in strong strict families.
Our fathers were elders so we always had to set the example.Because of this we started and ran our family the same way.So when we decided to leave were at the top in the congregation so to speak.I was very concerned for our children,actually I was scared to death for them.
I was looking for answers myself and didn't know if I was strong enough to be of much help to my children.We just took things slow and had lots of talks with the kids and walked them through it.I'm realizing that you can get them out just like you got them in in the first place.By your example and lots of communication.It's been 7 or 8 months since we have stepped foot in a kingdom hall and our kids are doing great!They are making new friends and had the best summer ever.The reason I'm telling this is to encourage any parents out there that are as scared as I was. You can do it.You will enjoy it because you will find that you are much closer to your children.It's amazing how quickly they opened up and told their real feelings without fear of our disaproval.
I just enrolled them both as regular kids in for the first time.No lecturing or preaching to the teachers about what they can and can't do.I'm so excited for them!They can experience all the fun I missed out on and just be kIds.I almost fell over when they asked for birthdays and Christmas.I gave them both birthday parties this summer and explained that we will have to go slow and figure it out as we go along.
I'm planning on letting them celebrate the holidays at school and I think we will celabrate the Seasons picking any traditions we like from their holidays and creating some of our own.I'm just not realigous anymore so will probably never do things the way most do.
hope this gives hope and helps someone.
Ranchette

rollercoaster

Hi Ranchette,
I appreciate your post. You are right. You find a better relationship exists with your children when you leave the borg. My daughter and I are so excited about the holidays, and the new friends she has made. She is now active in sports, and has been involved in group activities. She has become a lot happier.
I don't have to say the child is "bad association" because they are not a JW, we look the real attributes of her friends.
We are living life as it should be lived now.
Thanks for your words of encouragment.
RC

Pierced Angel

Thanks for sharing Ranchette,

I just celebrated my kid's birthdays for the first time this year and it felt wonderful. It's been about 3 months since we seriously attended a meeting and the kids don't miss it, though my daughter misses two of her friends. I'm hoping with a new school year and girl scouts, and other activities that she'll find new ones. I'd love it if she could just play with her old friends, but that's just not to be.

I'm sort of looking forward to having a costume party for Halloween, but we'll probably just do the same as you are, celebrate things that sound fun without too much stress about it. I just couldn't get into Christmas very much anyway,but we might do gingerbread houses, a small tree and stockings. I'm just glad they can enjoy the christmas lights, the music and all the fun that other kids get to ejoy without the guilt.

Anne

"When caught between two evils I generally pick the one I've never tried before." Mae West

Francois

Wait 'till you help your children decorate their very first tree.

NOTE TO GOVERNING BODY: You've been challenged to a debate, boys. Dont you have ANY balls?

Francois

Wait 'till you help your children decorate their very first tree.

Urge you to do it THIS year! Don't miss it. Please don't miss it. It's the experience of a lifetime, with those bright smiling faces and all the excitement. And they'll have an extra measure of excitement since it will be tinged with the sweetness of forbidden fruit. And that will give you another chance to have another of those soul-warming little chats with your little innocents.

Francois

NOTE TO GOVERNING BODY: You've been challenged to a debate, boys. Dont you have ANY balls?

Latte

Ranchette,

I feel very happy for you and your family

It really great being 'out' is'nt it? I too, was brought up in it, we stopped attending nearly a year ago now. The children are having a wonderful time, they have never been to so many parties!! Unlike when we were in the Borg. they attended (in about 7yrs) approx six JW parties. Such stick in the muds!

We now have plenty of time to really get to know our kid's, and to get close to them. I offer you a big WELL DONE for having the courage to leave. It's not easy when you are brought up in it, it is so engrained.

Well done and Welcome!

Latte

Simon

We had the same experience with our kids.

Liam had a few problems settling into school at first because he had some hearing problems and was a bit behind in his speaking. Being able to join in at Christmas and with birthdays really helped - if we had made him 'different' it would have isolated him more and done god-knows what damage.

It's much better outside, joining in...

flowerfreaks2

Oh that sounds so wonderful and making NEW family traditions. Enjoy!!

I've always enjoyed the holidays secretivly but was unable to share my likes and desires with my family and ex. The first christmas was awesome!! We started with a small tree the first year and worked our way up. Now seeing my sons face light up when he opens his gifts makes me happy. Giving to others and decorating the tree and making our own new family traditions that he shall pass down to his children. Guess living through him since my husband and I missed so much being raised in it. Even better when we go to my FIL and Step MIL and have the whole family grandma, pop pop,aunts, uncles and cousins... so many things I missed out on. Those are the memories I want to remember....

DesirousOfChange

I think it would be great to have an update on Ranchette (and others who were here, but have been able to move on).

Her first post was 12 years ago, and final post about 11 years ago.

So 1 year of "therapy" here and now moving on with life, I assume.

Celebrating life.

Doc

Life after the Borg

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