Francois, Spoken like a true Author. . . .
Faking it to keep my family.... need your input
by kat_newmas 38 Replies latest members private
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NAPPY ROOTS
What does family mean to you? I have a large family. Not all are related to me by blood. Over the years, I have met a diverse group of people that I now consider my family. In a way, it is better than my actual family. We all come from different backgrounds and they have learned to appreciate me for the person I am now. Your "real family" will accept you they way you are. If you fake it, then you will develop a fake relationship with a fake family. Will that really make you happy?
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mustang
Kat,
I thought about doing something similar. But the double dealing wasn’t in me. And ironically, I was taught honesty by the most double-dealing religion there is (WTS). Also, my father had a lot to do with this and he is the biggest hypocrite and bully that ever became a disciple of Judge Rutherford. (He actually heard him speak.)
Anyway, I was going to do it to get him off my back. Then he visited me on the opposite side of the country. He "sic’d" a local on me. The local actually broke the law trying to drag me back to the KH. I put a stop to this garbage.
Then I found out that my father was keeping in touch with this guy (and others) to try to spy on me and coerce me to go back.
My plan was to go to a few meetings to be able to say that I did. And likely, it would be an occasional and very short "drop-in" to a local Spanish congregation meeting :)
But, I realized that my father would want details: WHICH CONGO, he would want to know WHO I MET THERE and he would want to CONTACT THEM to keep tabs on me. Then he would ultimately visit again, and expect to go to meetings with me. It was partially the push you around thing, but also he would want to "share the experience" with me.
I realized he was vicariously experiencing things that he could not do through his sons. Or at least, he intended and expected to do so.
So, my "faking it out" would not work. My father did not do a token effort to "return me to the flock": it was a vicious campaign of harassment and mental cruelty.
If you have a relative like this, you will be "sold out to the authorities". When someone like this contacts the Elders, "for your own good", you can expect lots of attention, shepherding calls and some real confrontation.
I have often wondered if I could not simply go and not socialize at all and just quietly attend for a few minutes, to "meet my obligation" and then simply leave. But I don’t think you can get away with that, due to the busybody nature of the Elders, MS’s and others who be "greeters".
I personally don’t think any of these "faking it" scenarios would work very well. But some people who are "motivated" might be able to put up with enough of the nonsense to get away with a strong case of being "spiritually weak".
However, you have your wife to consider. You would have to make her a part of the charade. Will this work? Is it fair to her? All of this has to be considered.
Or, would she be willing to be portrayed as the "unbelieving mate" and made out to be the "heavy" that keeps you from being spiritually strong, in another scenario?
An individual might make one of these scenario’s work, but can you successfully add someone who doesn’t’ know the JW routines to this effort?
Again, I have little faith in the outcome of these scenario’s. But, I wish you success in your efforts. And GOOD LUCK :)
BTW, welcome to the Board.
Mustang
Missed 7,320+ Meetings Class
PS While it is so that Jesus said that "families would be divided", I think he said this with regret of a matter that would become fact. I don’t think that he put it forth as a COMMAND!!! (Something like "go thee forth and wreck families, if anybody gets in your way"!!!)
This is proof enough for me that JW’s are false. JW’s feel that they have to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. And unfortunately, IT’S THE ONLY DAMN PROPHECY THEY EVER GOT RIGHT!!!!!!
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Azalo
I tried faking it for a while but i t only made things worse because I gave my family false hope and then when they realized I was just faking they felt worse then the first time I told them. Luckily my family is pretty cool with. I have 3 sisters, one is on her way out so her and I have no problems, one who is scared to death of failing J and the org so she is kind of scared of me but she's cool and the oldest who is just hard core j-dub and she kinda shuns me, u knwo takes the I only will associate with you as little as possible approach. My parents are both cool though, my dad is an elder and at one point wrote me a very hurtful letter saying that basically he and the rest of the family wanted nothing to do with me or my children and he had the whole family sign it but it never workef out that way and i think he even felt remorseful cause now he is super cool with me and never has mentioned that letter again. ok a bit off the topic but basically dont fake it its not worth it to u or them
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Big Tex
I guess it depends on one very crucial point: do you want a conditional love? Do you want your parents in your life at any price? Are you willing to live a life knowing that they do not love you? Realize they only love their own reflection and that is only being mirrored when you are living the same life as they are.
I could never cut my children off. If my son lived as a prostitute and then came back into my life I would cry tears of joy. I would be so happy to have him in my life and I would not sit in judgment on some very difficult choices he had to make to survive. But then that's me. You have to decide for yourself who you are and what you you are here to do with this life.
"Can I concel myself for evermore,
Pretend I'm not the man I was before?
And must my name be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face the world again?
How can I ever face myself again?-- Jean Valjean, Les Miserables
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Mulan
When we were slowly fading, we actually planned to stay in, and just have minimal involvement, to keep our friends and families who were still dubs. Ultimately it was too stressful, because sitting in the meetings became intolerable, and saying all the trite little phrases was too much to stomach.
You might be able to do it, but it would get to be too hard I think.
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nowisee
have been trying to catch up on you.
when i was splitting from my first husband, we took the night before our 7th anniversary, the night before i actually moved out, and we walked along the local beach holding hands. it was a beautiful night and we were very nostalgic about the times we had shared, we were feeling closer to each other than we had been in a very long time. we wondered if we were making the right decision as our families urged us to reconsider. he said to me "(nowisee), we can stay together if you will only agree to follow some conditions. 1) you have to stop looking at pornography (I know that sounds weird for a female, but its a long story), 2) you have to agree to read only what i say you can read, 3) as head of the house you have to obey me in all things.
as i said, i left the next day. what would have been the point. life is full of forks and the roads not taken. pros and cons must be weighed. the cost to me would have been too great. it is huge to be able to live honestly.
best wishes, kat.
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kat_newmas
members of this forum need not pay this attention.. the proper people understand.
To Sr, J family,
As agreed I will discontinue all public acknowledgement of your religous construct. Provided all the terms of our arrangement are met, I will cease all further communication of this nature. My wife has no knowlege of any statements or opinions, that I have expressed on this web-site. No member of this web-site has threatened, coerced, or otherwise intimidated me into making any statements regaurding Jehovah's Witnesses.
I do, with this statement renounce any statement of opinion or fact, concerning Jehovah's Witnesses. I agree to adhere to all schedule requirements set forth by this organization.
All communication in this matter will cease. You have this public statement for your records. My e-mail address is displayed in my past posts.
T. J.
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Big Tex
Hey kat, are you okay?
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Brummie
Provided all the terms of our arrangement are met,
Like sure! They NEVER keep agreements!
members of this forum need not pay this attention.. the proper people understand
Do the "proper people" come here?
Brummie