Take Back Your Life: Chapter 4: Part 2

by Lady Lee 6 Replies latest members private

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    For previous sections of this series go to: Captive Hearts, Captive Minds/Take Back Your Life

    A NOTE regarding the book. The book is being revised and updated and will get a new title; Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships (previously titled Captive Hearts, Captive Minds and this is the title I am working with) by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias"

    CHAPTER 4: INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES AFFECTING RECOVERY: PART 2

    Leaving the Cult

    The authors of Captive Hearts, Captive Minds categorize the 4 most common ways people leave cults as the following:

    1. to walk away (walkaways),
    2. to be thrown out (castaways,
    3. to lose the leader or find the group has collapsed, and
    4. to be counseled out. (p. 54)

    For the purpose of this discussion I will focus mainly on points 1, 2, and a bit of 4. Depending on how a person left the group they may experience very specific reactions in trying to reintegrate back into the real world.

    Walkaways

    Those who walk away often find it hard to pinpoint what made them leave. I find, though that in regards to the posters here, those who walked away very often cite the lack of love and hypocracy. Very often they have no idea they were in a cultic group. And since they are not aware of having been involved with a cult they usually don’t realize the psychological manipulations they have experienced.

    As we know, it isn’t easy to leave the JWs. There is no graceful way out. Leaving means turning your back on friends, sometimes family, the group and its leaders. Often people experience a lot of guilt because they believe that leaving the organization is the equivalent of leaving God.

    Castaways

    Many of us, myself included, were forced out (Dfed). Regardless of the reason for being Dfed, there is often a great deal of shame and guilt. The authors state that "both walkaways and castaways may feel that they have failed God and lost all spiritual hope. . .. Some may believe that they are condemned not only in this lifebut also in the hereafter. . . " (p. 56)

    Steven Hassan is cited in his book Combatting Cult Mind Control, "The people who have been kicked out . . . are always in the worst shape of all former cult members. . . Most of them devoted their entire lives to the group, . . . " After being taought that salvation only can be attained through the group and having sacrificed everything to be in the group, once they are ousted the castawaysmay feel as if they "have been cast out into what they view as utter darkness" (p. 56)

    We are all aware of the threats of being Dfed that exists within the WTS. They use these threats to instill fear. The authors suggest that this group may be most in need of counseling and education about cults and thought reform.

    Counseled out via planned interventions

    Personally I know of no JWs that have experienced an intervention which included exit counseling. Of course that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. The authors discuss some of the deprogramming seesion of the 70s but as far as I know this isn’t applicable regarding the JWs.

    I do think, however, that there have been a few people here who have experienced a slow exit counseling of sorts. The one that comes to mind would be ithinkisee and freedomlover. Granted she was busy doing her own research but he was systematically helping her along. (Well done, BTW).

    I suspect that with the increase of Internet usage and the availability of information about the WTS more people are educating themselves out of the org.

    Evaluating Your Involvement

    The authors provide three sets of questions to help you assess your involvement in the group. They suggest that you review these lists as you go through your recovery. NOTE: I have edited the list to limit the questions to the cult experience but the questions also apply to abusive partners.

    Reviewing your recruitment

    What was going on in your life at the time you joined the group. . . ?
  • How and where were you when you were approached?
  • What was your initial reaction to or feeling about the leader or group?
  • What first interested you in the group or leader?
  • How were you misled during recruitment?
  • What did the group or leader promise you? Did you ever get it?
  • What didn’t they tell you that might have influenced you not to join had you known?(p. 62)

    • Understanding the psychological manipulation used in your group

    Which controlling techniques were used by your group or leader: chanting, meditation, sleep deprivation, isolation, drugs, hypnosis, criticism, fear? List each technique and how it served the group’s purposes.
  • What was the most effective? The least effective?
  • What technique are you still using that is hard to give up? Are you able to see any effects on you when you practice these?
  • What are the group’s beliefs and values? How did they come to be your beliefs? (p.62)

    • The authors suggest reviewing Lifton’s eight criteria for thought reform that was posted in chapter 3.

    Examining your doubts

    What are your doubts about the group or leader now?
  • Do you still believe the group or leader has all or some of the answers?
  • Are you still afraid to encounter your leader or group members on the street?
  • Do you ever think of going back? What is going on in your mind when that happens?
  • Do you believe your group or leader has any supernatural or spiritual power to harm you in any way, physically or spiritually now that you have left the group?
  • Do you believe you are cursed by God for having left the group?
  • serendipity
    serendipity

    Not to minimize anyone's experiences, but reading the following makes me think that there are worse things than being a JW:

    Which controlling techniques were used by your group or leader: chanting, meditation, sleep deprivation, isolation, drugs, hypnosis,
  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    well stop and think about those things in these terms

    • chanting,
      • I remember the WTS encouraging people to listen to the kingdom melodies instead of worldly music. My husband had the tapes and he would play them in the car. Singing most of those dirges would be pretty close to chanting if you ask me
    • meditation,
      • prayer, constant prayer,
      • while you drive,
      • when you think forbidden thoughts,
      • when you feel "spirits" near you,
      • when you are having any feeling not "approved" for God's people
    • sleep deprivation,
      • while most of the world gets to sleep in Sat and Sun mornings, JWs are trudging around hawking magazines.
      • Rest is not acceptable. If you had time you waste on other things, forget those other things and get to those doors,
      • elders, OMG, unless you had one in the family you had no idea how rarely these men got home and to bed. It's no wonder so many burn out
    • isolation,
      • well you can't have worldly friends
      • if your family is not JW, forget them
      • JW get-togethers seem to be discouraged a lot these days. It was getting bad when I left but from what I read it is far worse now.
    • drugs,
      • OK this one doesn't apply. Actually I think they tend to go the other way. People who really need medication especially for psychological reasons are discouraged from getting the help they need
    • hypnosis
      • My own theory about this is that those talks are enough to put anyone in an altered state.
  • Jankyn
    Jankyn

    Yep, I agree, Lady Lee.

    "Chanting" is nothing but a repeated word or phrase, and I can recite several dozen. Most of them still make me break out in a cold sweat. Check out the dictionary of theocratese for a handful.

    Then there's the isolation thing, which is even more pronounced for those of us who were indoctrinated as children. Until I started school, I'd never been around anyone who wasn't a Witness for more time than it took to make a presentation at the door or conduct a study.

    And hypnosis? Maybe mine was self-induced, but there was something weird--resembling an out-of-body experience, or maybe a dissociative experience--going on during those long meetings. It was the only way I could avoid getting whipped.

    Lady Lee, I skipped ahead and read the part about children in cults. It's very interesting, and very applicable.

    One of the things I'm still coming to grips with is the way that my upbringing changed the wiring in my brain. Kids' brains are sensitive, growing things. The rigid environment of the JW culture is, I believe, a major reason why my brain's "default setting" is for anxiety.

    I'm just grateful it can be eased a bit.

    Jankyn

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Jankyn

    One of the things I'm still coming to grips with is the way that my upbringing changed the wiring in my brain. Kids' brains are sensitive, growing things. The rigid environment of the JW culture is, I believe, a major reason why my brain's "default setting" is for anxiety.

    There actually is empirical evidence that childhood trauma wires a child's brain differently than a non-tramatized child's mind. Many posters here would say that being dragged to the back of the hall and beaten is traumatic. The horrors stories the children are read of people bing killed by buildings falling on them and them dying in earthquatkes are all the stuff of nightmares.

    I'm just grateful it can be eased a bit.

    Yes it can. Takes some work but a lot of new coping strategies can be learned to offset those early traumas

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    bttt

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Take Back Your Life: Chapter 5: Characteristics of a Cult Leader

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