Hi Purza,
It?s a pleasure to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances. After all the help I have received from the members of this forum, maybe it is time I can give something back.
I am in a very similar situation as the one you describe. Though my relationship with a J-dub has not been of a romantic nature, it has been a 10 year friendship/business relationship that went sour, then turned very nasty. My offerings to you with regard to coping with this situation are as follows:
1) Talk with your partner, and together take a decision whether or not you want to engage in this battle. You must commit to it if you decide to do it as there can be no half-way-in/half-way-out in a battle such as this. Make it become what you do each day.
2) Once a decision has been reached, stick with it. Make it part of your life. It can?t be something you do when you have time in your day. You must make time, even if that means giving up other things in your life to do so. This is a war, and it must be taken seriously.
3) Form a plan, then stick with that plan, even though you must be flexible at times when your enemy throws a curve-ball at you.
4) Keep a notepad and pen with you at all times, even when you go to bed, or to the bathroom. You never know when something is going to ?click? in your mind with regard to a particular aspect of your case. You don?t want to loose that thought, so write it down! Some of my best ideas have come to me in my sleep, or while I am in the shower. Write them down and reference them later when you are in front of your computer.
5) If your boyfriend is going to be a ?pro se litigant,? he must study, study, study. Know the laws which are particular to his case. You can find the laws of your state in the Internet, or at your public library. Here is a site which I have found helpful when representing yourself in court:
http://www.circuitlawyer.8m.com/
6) Another helpful read for me has been Sun Tzu?s "Art of War." This may sound like a strange suggestion, but I have been able to incorporate many of Sun Tzu?s teaching into my war plan. And, I also found his teachings to be a huge help psychologically. After all, most of what takes place in a legal battle is nothing but a mind-game. Learn how to recognize this, and play those games as well as your opponent. Weaken your opponent psychologically, and then when he/she is off balance, move in for the kill.
7) Dealing with the stress:
a) Though you must dedicate yourself to winning this battle, you also need to recognize when it is time to walk away from it for a while and clear your head. My wife and I have an agreement wherein she keeps an eye on me, and when she sees that I am in too deep, and not thinking clearly, she will arrange for me to go camping for the weekend. You must trust your partner?s observations as their part in this war is to take care of your physical, emotional and mental well being;
b) Other forms of relaxation work as well. A hot bath and a massage, or renting several of your favorite movies then spending the day in front of the TV instead of your computer, or renting a motel room for the night and pretending that you are on vacation. Trust your partner?s knowledge of what you like and follow their advice. Remember, your mind is focused on defeating your enemy, so you will not be inclined to think about your well being. It is your partner?s job is to make sure that you stay strong. Pay attention to your partner:
c) Celebrate your victories. When you win a round, take a day away from the war and celebrate. Go out to dinner, buy something you have always wanted, post your victory on the wall where it can serve as a reminder that you are making head-way. What I am talking about here is a court order ruling in your favor, or a letter from your opponent?s lawyer conceding to a fact or so forth. Keep it in-your-face so that you won't start feeling like you are being defeated.
There are a number of other suggestions I can offer, but my post is getting rather lengthy. If I can help further, please feel free to PM me and I will help all that I can.
Kind regards,
Swamp Thing
