Only the strong survive

I really think that some people are not strong enough to leave. I know my mother isn't. And it has devastated the lives of my siblings to have left and still believe it is the truth. My sister cannot even consider the possibility that she was lied to. She has been out since she was 15 years old but still believes it to be true. She has punished herself in a multitude of ways for leaving "the truth" but will not stop to think that maybe her self-punishment was for nothing. I wonder how many "punish" themselves with depression, addictions, self-harming behaviors etc. for leaving a lying, controlling, manipulative organization like the JWs - just a thought

I think it takes a special strength to look at everything you have been taught and everything you believe in critically, and then when realizing it isn't what you were told it was, to walk away.

We walk away from our family and our friends. We walk away from our beliefs and community. We walk away from the faith we have held on to that gave us a sense of who were and made us feel special and set us apart from the rest of the world. Sometimes we leave our children behind too.

It hurts to discover we have been betrayed and lied to. It hurts to wake up and find out it is all smoke-screen. And it hurts to not be able to get others to listen.

Many of us stayed because we believed we were weak. I too felt like a weak person. I had no idea of what strength lay inside of me. People told me I was strong but I never believed it because I never felt like it.

The greatest strength I have found in myself and in others is the strength to step out into the unknown. Abuse victims think it is weak to not be able to tolerate abuse. They think they must be weak to not leave. And paradoxically they are told they are weak if they do leave. For years upon years we were told we were weak - weak spiritually, weak emotionally, weak mentally, and for some weak physically. Demand upon demand - endlessly, that we were expected to keep up with. And we were told that we were weak for not keeping up to those unrealistic expectations - part of the mind control.

Many women stay in abusive relationship because they are too afraid to step out into the unknown. Often they are told by their abuser that others will not be as good to them or loving or kind as their abuser. That sounds familiar.

Victims are often told no one else would want them. That sounds familiar too. Implanted with fears of the unknown, victims are paralyzed from action. They believe they are weak because they have been told they are weak. They believe it is safer to stay with what is familiar - they know how to handle it

And at what they feel is their weakest - when they know they cannot take what they have and live with anymore, they take that step into the unknown. Scary - terrifying - full of people and situations they know nothing of -- but they take that step.

I was DFed at the lowest point of my life. I could have gone back to what was familiar. I could have gone back to what I knew best and sat at the back of the KH and be ignored and thought I was strong for doing that and been priased for it. But since when is debasing yourself a sign of strength? To stay would have destroyed any trace of hope I had left. So I stepped out into the unknown. Not because I felt strong but because I felt and believed I was too weak to stay.

The reality was that stepping into the unknown WAS the strength.

And from what I see strength lies in every one here who has been taught that they are weak.

We need to change the thinking. Black is white and white is black. Reframe the beliefs because what we were taught was all lies.

Only the strong survive.

In my darkest hours I thought I had no strength.

In my deepest pain I thought there was no hope.

But I did survive. I may still be looking for a new belief but in the meantime...

Only the strong survive.

We are surviving. Some of us are actually thriving

Edited by - Lady Lee on 15 December 2002 18:11:22

Count me in on the thriving department.

Great post...rated!

Brummie

Great Post Lee!!

Flower, of the 'surviving and thriving' class

TY for helping me to clarify my thoughts today.  it probably won't last, and i'll have another  set back,

but at least  for today i am thinking more clearly.   I recognize myself in the "punishing myself for leaving" idea.  i have thought of this before, but  never said it out loud. 

I struggled and tried to atttend meetings until the early 90's.  I had quit FS in late 80's.  i just could not be responsible for  bringing another person to the org, to be hurt like i had been.

It does feel  comforting to have all the answers.  and to feel special.  Now i just feel confused and lost.  I read about cults, but was in one and did  not even recognize it..

If it was just me, i might be able to get over it quicker.  But my hubby is not yet where i am at, althogh he does see many  bad things about WTS, but chalks it up to   human imperfection.

I hope to get out  of this purgatory at some time. 

LadyLee,

Excellent job.  I liked what I saw and started a line by line commemtary but as I went along I decided not to clutter this thread with my thoughts.  This is so clear and encouraging by itself.  If only every individual who reads this could come away convidence that either they have survived already or that they will survive like the rest of us.  We need more posts like this.  Thanks

Jst2laws

Wednesday glad if some of my ramblings helped. I too feel confused still at times. But I KNOW I will never go back.

And Wednesday - NO ONE knows they are in a cult --- until after they are no longer in it.

Jst2laws I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts. And anyone else's

YEAH to Brummie Flower and Meadow -- all of the learning to thrive class

Edited by - Lady Lee on 15 December 2002 19:29:26

That was a great post.

My last year in, I didn't give voice to specific doubts but the elders in my cong sensed that I wasn't "all the way" in the troof.  One of them warned me that "the world" would eat me alive.

I'm doing fine.  Yes the world is screwed up and I may die tomorrow, but at least I'm learning to live without the crutches of a cult religion.  And I have met people who are far kinder to me than the Johos ever were.

good for you dantheman

Too many warning of disaster if we leave. larc's poll on our levels of depression pretty much tells a different story.

I have met many kind loving and generous people out of the borg - many more in fact than I met while I was in and none of them cared what my spiritual standing was

GREAT post!  What  thinker...

It took me many many years to survive.....years to get to the point of saying that I am emotionally and mentally healthy.  I know very few that walk away and life is great for them immediately.  When we leave, we are virtually leaving a whole life behind.  It takes awhile to redefine life....for me it was a struggle and a journey.  Difficult at times but certainly worth every step I took in the right direction. 

The borg stiffled me in so many ways!  I appreicate each day that I know have a voice-MY voice!  And I am allowed independent thinking and have learned what true unconditional love means!  I am a far better person than when I was a dub!

"Lets half survive" ... The Fast Show

Ballistic *thriving class*

Excellent post.  So very true.  I often consider myself the walking wounded; dead woman walking; on auto cos each new pain brings up the past and makes one relive it on a new level each time.  But I'm still here.  I'm still getting back on the horse despite bruises. And amazingly, I'm not bitter,despite deep scars.  I can still love.

I do understand that some people cannot 'go there'.  The limit is solidified in their minds much like I thought mine was when my marriage fell apart.  Too painful to touch.  It would be touching an insanity that would make our childhood boogymen seem like cartoon characters.  Unfortuneatly, one can only tame that 'beast' by touching it and moving thru it, and it does take an awful lot of a certain something.

I've always loved this quote:  One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.  (andre gide)

And that is what growing is like - away from shore, non-swimmer amongst the sharks, but simply refusing to give up or give in - no matter where the pain originated.

hugs,

Mimilly

(((((((((((((Mimilly))))))))))))

I've missed you.  I'm glad you are a strong survivor.

Thank you Lady Lee for this wonderful thread.

Hugs,

j2bf

Lady Lee,

Thanks for that excellent post.  Stepping into the unknown is initially terrifying, but ultimately, if we stick with it, we become stronger persons.  Watchtower instilled fear, paranoia, and hysteria is hard to overcome.  I would rank it up there with a severe phobia.  Many hang on to the WT because it is warm, cozy, and comfortable.  They don't want to risk going into the cold outside world.  We frequently underestimate our own strength.  Our fears are never as monstrous in reality as the fears we conjure up in our minds that are imaginary.  What we thought was a weakness was actually our strength.  We all have chosen to give up the WT and lifelong friends and family because we cherish the freedom that is rightfully ours.  We have all suffered mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually at the hands of the WT, but when we finally make the decision to strike out on our own, eventually we heal and become a whole person, strengthened by our resolve to never let another person dominate and destroy our lives. 

Mr. Shakita      

Mr Shakita thank you for your excellent post

As I was reading your post I thought of the pilgrims who left Europe in search of freedom - many in search of religious freedom. They left family and friends - everything that was familiar and ventured into a really new world - one only told of in stories. No TV images to help them see what they were getting into - going off into a wild untamed country - what courage to take that step onboard a ship that until not too long before the world believed would sail off the edge of the flat world.

And what about the early settlers who also left the east coast and boarded wagon trains leaving their families behind so find freedom somewhere in the west. Not knowing where they would stop and hoping they would not be attacked by wild animals or worse. Off they went to find a new world.

One more comes to mind - space explorers. What must have those men been thinking who went to the moon. Talk about stepping into the unknown!!!

Some of us are physically stepping into the unknown when we leave the WTS. But emotionally, psychologically and spiritually we are all stepping into the unknown

Bravo to all those to dare to take that step into the unknown in the hopes that life can be better

edited because I keep forgetting to use spell check

Edited by - Lady Lee on 21 December 2002 12:25:27