Countering JW shunning: How a social psychologist's work from 50 yrs ago points to a new approach

by adamah 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • adamah
    adamah

    Hello,

    I've written a blog article on the topic of JW practice of shunning, inspired by a few recent threads on JWN where the results of social psychologist Stanley Milgram's work on authority figures came into the discussion:

    http://awgue.weebly.com/countering-jw-shunning-how-the-implications-of-stanley-milgrams-work-may-suggest-using-a-different-approach.html

    As usual, the article will be available for reading there, but please discuss over here in this thread.

    Here's the start of the article, to give you a taste:

    Adamah

    Countering JW Shunning: How the Implications of Stanley Milgram's Work May Suggest Using a Different Approach

    Picture (Image from July 15, 2011 Edition of Watchtower)

    "Ordinary people, simply carrying out actions in the name of (worship to Jehovah), and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terribly-destructive process....even AFTER the destructive effects of their participation becomes patently obvious, and they are asked to carry out actions which are incompatible with fundamental standards of basic human decency."

    Those are words of social psychologist Stanley Milgram, modified ever-so-slightly in order to apply his concept to the Jehovah's Witness practice of shunning.

    Of course, shunning is a form of social ostracism used in ancient societies, from the Greeks to the Hebrews (it's interesting to note the practice in Judaism only started AFTER the Hebrews were prohibited from stoning their own people to death, due to the constraints placed upon them by foreign rulers who controlled their land.)

    In the case of challenging the ongoing cruel practice of shunning, we've seen countless impassioned pleas from those who point out how cruel and emotionally-painful it is for THEM, being the target of shunning. Although these painful accounts are very heart-felt, they actually are quite ineffective; shunning continues, partly because they paradoxically only CONFIRM the message that the WT is delivering to its members that shunning HAS to be uncomfortable for the shunned, since it's done "for their own good"! The Society claims that shunning WON'T be effective UNLESS it is complete!

    If you haven't heard the talk, such dubious claims were repeated to members Worldwide during the recent 2013 District Convention:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yLdwe_6JsU


    The WT's justification likely soothes the panged guilty consciences of members who shun, since they intuitively KNOW deep down that it IS cruel to throw their own "flesh and blood" under the bus to save their own skin, simply because the group orders them to do so. But by complaining, it's only reinforcing the message delivered by the JWs; the pleas only serve as positive feedback for their pre-existing beliefs, which reinforces their 'confirmation bias'.

    Let's re-examine the artwork the WTBTS offers that depicts a family who is shunning (here it is again):

    Picture

    Notice how the face of the shunned member walking out the door is not shown, whereas the faces of the anguished parents are exquisitely depicted in the foreground.

    Is that an accident, an oversight?

    Hardly: they're showing the emotional anguish and turmoil that shunning causes the JW members! The WTBTS doesn't DENY the emotional pain caused by the practice to their members; they're actually BOLDLY PUTTING IT ON DISPLAY! Now, why would they want to do THAT?

    The pain and suffering are shown as the burden of being a JW, as if they're being tested by Satan (which plays quite nicely into the whole "we're always being persecuted, and are suffering this torment for the sake of God" meme). Of course, these feelings are supposed to be internalized and suffered in silence, especially in front of the shunned individual; it's the old "never let them see you sweat" mantra, but one is supposed to suffer quietly in the name of God.

    Worse though, is the WTBTS actually attempts to turn the tables on the situation, claiming that the shunned person is the CAUSE of their mental anguish, as if THEY'RE the faithful family are the VICTIMS, the source of the problem!

    See the denial there, the inability to "own up" to the pain we cause others?

    (Mark that thought: I'll be revisiting that idea later of needing to own up to the harm one causes others.)


    The shunning problem is challenging to address, as the psychology is rather complex; the fact is, the WTBTS is simply smarter on the shunning issue than ex-members, as their tactics reflect their deep understanding of psychology and human nature which exceeds that of most of their ex-members; it makes sense, in that members are actively DISCOURAGED from learning the basics of human psychology when inside (the WTBTS knows that those who are unaware of such topics are easier to control using methods derived from Milgram's work).


    The JWs actually ARE telling the truth that shunning MUST be uncomfortable for the shunned, as that's the WHOLE POINT of social ostracism: it's used precisely because the individual's behavior was deemed as unacceptable by the group, and the group is attempting to control the individual's behavior to reduce the odds of recidivism (repeating the behavior). So while the practice of shunning IS uncomfortable for the target and causes emotional pain, it's pointless to waste one's breath mentioning your pain: it's telling them what they already know, and it actually VERIFIES your pain, which is VALIDATING what they're trying to accomplish when they shun. Hence such anguished pleas are extremely unlikely to be effective in leading to cessation of shunning; it's playing into the JW agenda.


    Clearly, a different approach is needed to address the practice of shunning.


    A basic premise of human psychology as used in advertising is that you cannot expect others to change THEIR behavior if you're not able to offer them sufficient reason as to why it would be in THEIR best interests to do so. That's basic human nature: most humans, as high-minded as they may think of themselves, are known to be self-centered, narcissistic, and greedy, so any attempts to influence their behavior MUST dangle the "carrot" of what personal benefit such a change will provide, explaining "what's in it for me (them)". We need to explain how a change in behavior will personally benefit THEM to not shun.


    However, in the case of JW shunning, the barrier as to why to continue to shun others is obvious: members MUST shun 'marked members' in order to not be shunned themselves!

    ALL JWs know this, and it usually is whispered at some point to anyone who doesn't know; if individuals refuse to go along, then good discipline and order is broken down, and the entire power structure of the organization is threatened.

    The same principle applies to ANY organization that has to maintain control over the actions of individuals, eg in the military the process is called "maintaining good military order and discipline via the chain of command", etc. Corporate organizations rely on the same processes.

    So the KEY to breaking control is by appealing to the member's self-interest by focusing on the LOSS, the HARM, the significant EMOTIONAL TOLL exacted on individuals who sacrifice their personal morality by going along with group-think, AKA mob mentality behavior. They need to understand the HARM experienced, the LOSS of individual identity.

    Even though they may not recognize it, the ones who go along with the group are also VICTIMS as much as the person they are shunning, since it's robbing them of their personal sense of humanity, their dignity, transforming them into a mindless member of a silent mob who is an unthinking cog in a machine, only following orders.

    Rephrased, instead of focusing on the perspective and experience of the shunned, it would be more helpful to focus on the harm it does to the INDIVIDUALS who shun.

    The WT requires individuals to subsume their inner sense of morality to accept the will of the group (in the name of God), engaging in "group think" practices which only reinforces the power of the group: "practice makes perfect", so with each subsequent individual they shun, it only makes it easier the next time, and eventually shunning becomes an unthinking knee-jerk response that makes questioning the action increasingly immune from cognitive challenge (it shifts into the territory of habit, just the way it's always been done).

    You already understand this concept, as JWs rely on the same principle of one's conscience getting worn down by repeated sinning, getting easier to do with time: it's the same idea, except applied to shunning.


    The practice of blindly following the commands of a leader or authority figure was studied by social psychologist Stanley Milgram in his famous study at Yale in 1961. The following video depicts a recreation of Dr. Milgram's study: simply replace the 'authority of science' with 'authority of the elders and members of the congregation' (adding the element of peer pressure into the mix), 'delivering electrical shocks as punishment' with 'delivering emotional shocks of shunning as punishment', and 'subjects administering electrical shocks' with 'JWs who shun', and you've got the exact same paradigm in action.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3f6LLV3fkXg

    (The conclusion of the article is on my blog, link at the top of this post)

    Adamah

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    marked

  • Quendi
    Quendi

    Thanks for this thread. What you shared reminded me of my visit to the Civil Rights Institute in Birmingham, Alabama back in 2004. Among the many features of the Institute are the voice recordings of people who supported the hateful segregation practices in the Jim Crow South. When I listened to their reasoning, I came to understand that these people had attacked not only black people but their own humanity. Their sense of fair play, justice and even human decency had eroded, transforming them into mindless drones who had been easily and shamelessly manipulated into sanctioning evil. Nevertheless, they bore responsibility for their attitudes and actions regardless of how justified they may have felt.

    It is likewise with all those who practice the shunning the WTS Governing Body demands its members impose on the disfellowshipped and disassociated. I now realize how I can approach those who are shunning me if and when we ever meet again. As someone who shunned others, I have come to acknowledge the evil I engaged in and the harm I did not just to my targets but to me as well. If shunners understand how corrupt and evil their actions truly are and the effects they have on themselves, they will not only stop doing so, but will probably go further and embrace TTATT to their lasting benefit.

    Quendi

  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    Really interesting thread.

    I've been familiarizing myself with this angle for a while now, in particular learning about the work of Milgram, Asch and Zimbardo.

    I'm not sure how knowing this can help us to "counter" shunning as your OP suggests. What it can and should do is get those of us that have woken-up to TTATT to take responsibility for any complicity we may have had in perpetuating the practice while in. By so doing we can learn and grow.

    It's hard to be honest with one's self, but it's the only way to be.

  • adamah
    adamah

    Quendi said:

    What you shared reminded me of my visit to the Civil Rights Institute in Birmingham, Alabama back in 2004.Among the many features of the Institute are the voice recordings of people who supported the hateful segregation practices in the Jim Crow South. When I listened to their reasoning, I came to understand that these people had attacked not only black people but their own humanity. Their sense of fair play, justice and even human decency had eroded, transforming them into mindless drones who had been easily and shamelessly manipulated into sanctioning evil. Nevertheless, they bore responsibility for their attitudes and actions regardless of how justified they may have felt.

    Yup, that's exactly the kind of approach I'm suggesting, and the comparison is fitting, as racism is also a form of institutionalized discrimination, exclusion of the 'others'. As with shunning, the key is education, and pointing out why racism is harmful to the perpetrator. Thanks for pointing that out!

    PS thanks for bumping, too: for the past day, I've been wondering if this thread was simply going to die a quick death, having been shunned (ignored) by JWN members, LOL!

    Oubliette said-

    Really interesting thread.

    I've been familiarizing myself with this angle for a while now, in particular learning about the work of Milgram, Asch and Zimbardo.

    I'm not sure how knowing this can help us to "counter" shunning as your OP suggests. What it can and should do is get those of us that have woken-up to TTATT to take responsibility for any complicity we may have had in perpetuating the practice while in. By so doing we can learn and grow.

    It's hard to be honest with one's self, but it's the only way to be.

    Yup, and I don't know if you read the article on my blog or not (I didn't share the ACTION STEPS over here), but I suggested starting a "Shunning Confession" thread; this thread could serve that purpose, serving as a PUBLIC confession of ex-JWs who've stood up and shared their past experiences of shunning others.

    As you say, it's hard to publicly fess up to the harm you CAUSED others, but such painful honesty is the only way it CAN be, since even Jesus rightly points out you we have to remove the rafter out of one's own eye before we ask others to remove theirs.

    JWN members are in a unique position, since we're ALL guilty of supporting the practice if we EVER shunned anyone, and a good first step is really reflecting on the point, and then sharing (I posted my personal account of shunning my Mom on my blog, and everyone else is encouraged to do so here). There's also lurkers, so it may be helpful for some to consider/reconsider THEIR shared guilt from supporting an organization which forces such behavior on members.

    So, with that said, will anyone stand up and share YOUR shunning experience?

    Adam

  • Phizzy
    Phizzy

    When I was young, around 22?, the closest I came to shunning anybody was when I did not greet or even wave to a DF'd couple as they sat in their car when I walked by.

    I felt so guilty about that, I had grown up with the bro in question, that I never did it again. Throughout my subsequent years in the cult I always greeted DF'd ones, I seated them wherever they wanted in the K.H if I was around when they entered etc etc

    I was never told not to act this way, so my point is, JW's do not have to go along fully with the DFing procedure.

    What can be done to you if you act in a civil way to a DF'd person ? Nothing, and if it ever did you have Scripture and common decency on youir side.

    The more JW's dilute this terrible practice the less of a hold the GB has.

  • adamah
    adamah

    Phizzy said-

    When I was young, around 22?, the closest I came to shunning anybody was when I did not greet or even wave to a DF'd couple as they sat in their car when I walked by.

    I felt so guilty about that, I had grown up with the bro in question, that I never did it again. Throughout my subsequent years in the cult I always greeted DF'd ones, I seated them wherever they wanted in the K.H if I was around when they entered etc etc

    Thanks for sharing your experience.

    On this:

    I was never told not to act this way, so my point is, JW's do not have to go along fully with the DFing procedure.

    What can be done to you if you act in a civil way to a DF'd person ? Nothing, and if it ever did you have Scripture and common decency on youir side.

    The more JW's dilute this terrible practice the less of a hold the GB has.

    Yup, and it'll be interesting to see if anyone shares an experience of being reprimanded by an elder for their failure to shun? I think the comparison of "civil disobedience" in the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960's is valid, since that's exactly the approach likely to be useful here.... Don't follow a 'bad' rule.

    Adam

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    Adam- your op is intelligent and illuminating.

    Yes, testimonials from former shunners--who now condemn the practice-- would be very powerful.

  • clarity
    clarity

    Adam, wow ..this body of work just blows me away!

    >

    One of the best threads I have ever seen!

    >

    I agree that the emphasis needs to be on how this 'command to shun',

    affects the shunner, rather than the shunnie.

    >

    Doing so I think, will diffuse the power & the control of watchtower BS!

    >

    My first experience with this was only my 2nd meeting at the kindom hall.

    It was announced from the platform that xxxx xxxx was removed from jw's

    because of abusing alcohol. Long time ago, they gave the reason then!

    >

    It ran thru my mind ........."oh ....OK ...guess they know what they are doing! "

    >

    The next time was a year later, a brother fessed-up & asked to be df'd and no one talked to him,

    including me. You were supposed to .....right?.. right?

    >

    Now, thinking about it .......I definately felt a loss of my good judgement & humanity.

    >

    After that, I did speak with df'd persons. But an amazing thing.........

    one df'd woman who was having a really tough time to come back,

    (no car, had to ask elders to for a ride to meetings etc) was very rude

    to me, when I tried to be encouraging .........

    so she was actually very compliant with "being zapped"

    >

    The Society claims that shunning WON'T be effective UNLESS it is complete!

    Echos of the video ......chilling!

    So thank you again for this

    clarity

  • adamah
    adamah

    Rip Van Wickle said-

    Adam- your op is intelligent and illuminating.

    Yes, testimonials from former shunners--who now condemn the practice-- would be very powerful.

    Thanks, and yup, the WT uses emotionally-packed appeals to keep people trapped IN (did you catch the prodigal son video, filled with emotional-pleas?), so it's going to take HONEST and heart-felt emotional confessions to give people an opportunity to "do the right thing".

    This is a warm-up; if there's enough participation, I'm thinking a series of 30 second PSA-type videos would be a GREAT approach, where someone with video-editing experience could assemble user testimonials into YouTube videos.

    A home-run would be if anyone who's been DF for refusing to go along with shunning gave their testimony; that's what any movement needs: a 'Rosa Parks' who's able to say, "No more, it's wrong....".

    On a related topic, I found this video by artist/painter Jess Black very compelling (posted by Elder Schmelder). Jess was shunned as a teen (after he came out as gay), but his Mother eventually came around, and refused to shun him no more:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FZVIs_UarU

    Jess' testimony and story is powerful since it's NOT self-centered, focused only on HIS pain, but focused on what positive things he's doing with his life to deal with the NOW, rather than wallowing in his pain. It would be interesting to see a video of his Mom offering her unique perspective, since she's got to be a really special person with a great BIG.

    clarity said-

    After that, I did speak with df'd persons. But an amazing thing.........

    one df'd woman who was having a really tough time to come back,

    (no car, had to ask elders to for a ride to meetings etc) was very rude

    to me, when I tried to be encouraging .........

    so she was actually very compliant with "being zapped"

    Thanks for sharing your testimony, clarity.

    On that point, I have the unique perspective of observing all the cold looks my DFed mom received, how she and I silently slipped in and out the back of the KH amidst all the usual chatter and laughter as if we didn't exist. Since I was just an unbaptized teen who accompanied her to meetings when she was DFed, she had to beg me to go along (I was pretty convinced that any group that was so cruel didn't have any "truth" I was interested in). I saw how the shunning game played out firsthand, and if there's something that could more strongly discourage me from EVER voluntarily becoming a "baptized member of JWs", then I cannot imagine what it would be, besides shunning.

    Don't get me wrong: some of the sisters (and maybe one of the elders) were sympathetic to her and I, and showed a basic sense of human decency to her, but many (if not the great majority) were as cold and callous to her and I; they treated her like she was a leper, or had cooties, AIDS, etc. A few didn't just IGNORE her, they gave her icy stares. The need to feel better than others was clearly on display, and I had eyes: I could see it as plainly as the nose on the end of my face!

    Point being, even if you're not willing to look at how it robs some JWs of their basic human dignity, the practice also doesn't do anything to demonstrate the JWs following Jesus' example of healing the sick (apparently Jesus ironically could heal physical ailments like leprosy, but he couldn't even heal the spiritually-sick, without resorting to the equivalent of stoning them to death)?

    While I can't speak for anyone else but me, it served as ALL the evidence I needed to see to serve as PROOF that this wasn't following in the words and actions of Jesus I heard so much about in the meetings (and yes, I know all about the Biblical justification of shunning).

    Adam

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