Phoebe - I love your response about the documents. I've had several people tell me to send them to her and I appreciate the reasons why. But those documents are the insurance that she has to come home at some point.
RunAwayDaughter
JoinedPosts by RunAwayDaughter
-
14
18-Year Old Daughter Moves in with Boyfriend and studying to become a witness
by RunAwayDaughter inmy 18-year-old-daughter, who has not finished high school, left south carolina on january 31 with her 22-year old boyfriend to move in with his family in california.
they are jehovah witness.
daughter: i love you too.
-
-
-
48
Cousin's Runaway Girlfriend Living with us
by RunAwayDaughter inmy cousin's girlfriend moved from another state and is now living in our home.
they said she lived in a bad situation, but i don't believe them.
my cousin lies.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
Thank you Giordano - I would never shun her. She is my daughter.
It was not personality clashes as much as teenager rebellion. She might be 18, but emotionally, she is younger.
Here is what I think the bottom-line issue is:
1 - She thinks she is in love (and maybe she is and it will last a life time.)
2 - She is also depressed. She has not dealt with the loss of her father and it is around this age that adopted children experience loss for birth parents.
3 - Before they left, he had begun to separate her from friends and was creating division. He is very jealous. She told one male friend that she could no longer talk with him because Bryan told her she could not talk with him.
4 - He lied to me. I'd rather have someone steal from me than to lie. Trust is a hard thing to rebuild.
I do believe in God and I have Pray Warriors praying to open Ciara's eyes. That doesn't mean bring her back to South Carolina. It means to simply open her eyes to truth around her.
I have people praying to give me strength and to help me turn this over completely to God. I believe He helped me find this group because the diverse opinions, backgrounds, and experiences have helped.
Now, I must continue to educate myself, try to keep communications open with her - which includes not contacting her and waiting for her, and praying.
-
19
Columbia, SC and Arleta, CA members - I need your help
by RunAwayDaughter inmy 18-year-old daughter in columbia, sc ran away to arleta, ca to move in with jw family.
they are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members.
she is surrounded by jws 24 hours a day, seven days a week.. is there anyone in the columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or facetime.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
OnTheWay Out -
Thank you for your response. Right now I'm trying to learn the best approach and trying to learn about JW.
If I turned her in, it would be the very last step. I hope you read my early posts about this situation. His mother told me she would not let them live under her roof and she is letting them. He owns guns. I've been the gun range with him and he taught both my daughter, youngest son and me how to shoot. He told me he was shunned for beating up a JW brother that made him angry.
My initial concern was that my daughter left home with a 22 year old. She had only four months left until she finished high school. Was accepted to four colleges and had her tuition paid for at all of them. (He got upset every time she got a college acceptance letter.)
I welcomed him into my home. Trusted him....and her. Considered him to be honest. Took him on the family vacation - a cruise. My daughter wanted him to have a special Christmas since it was his first one, so we made it extra special. Took him to our annual Halloween party, etc....
I was upset when they left because they woke me up on a school morning and announced they were leaving right then - no discussion. Would not talk about why. My initial concern was for her future plus I did not approve of them "moving in together." After they left, I uncovered lie, after lie, after lie. So, then my concern became that she was being emotional and mentally abused or manipulated. On Monday, I found out about her studying to become a Witness, so now I'm trying to wrap my head around it all.
As one person recommended, just "drop the rope" and don't get into a tug of war with her. I've dropped the rope, but that doesn't mean that I'm not exploring all options and educating myself.
Currently:
I've told her that I've accepted that she wants to live in California.
We are here for her if she ever wants to come home for a visit or to stay.
Sunday night she called wanting to come home for a visit. She was sobbing. (all that is explained in a previous post). The next day, she doesn't want to come home and that is when she tells me about becoming a Witness. So now, I'm trying to "support" her decision by learning about it. That includes understanding the dos, the don'ts, what is shunning, - how JWs think.
Another member on here recommended that I post a request to see anyone on here was in Columbia, SC or Arleta for support. Currently, I don't plan to out him or her or his mom for letting them stay there.
Based on what he told me, there seems to be a lot of "drama" in his home. They might be outted not by me, but someone in his family and/or community.
-
19
Columbia, SC and Arleta, CA members - I need your help
by RunAwayDaughter inmy 18-year-old daughter in columbia, sc ran away to arleta, ca to move in with jw family.
they are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members.
she is surrounded by jws 24 hours a day, seven days a week.. is there anyone in the columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or facetime.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
To sir82: I have only one daughter. She is the only one family member who has done that. Not several. We have suffered a lot a loss - Her father died last year.
Your posted message sounded rather judgmental. I'm here seeking help and support and am trying to learn to better understand what she is going through 3,000 miles away. I trying to understand what JW is about so I can help her. Please don't post anything else if your aim is to make me feel worse than I already do.
-
48
Cousin's Runaway Girlfriend Living with us
by RunAwayDaughter inmy cousin's girlfriend moved from another state and is now living in our home.
they said she lived in a bad situation, but i don't believe them.
my cousin lies.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
Exposing them would be my LAST option.
I wish some nosey sister or brother would tell the elders so it would not come from her family.
-
19
Columbia, SC and Arleta, CA members - I need your help
by RunAwayDaughter inmy 18-year-old daughter in columbia, sc ran away to arleta, ca to move in with jw family.
they are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members.
she is surrounded by jws 24 hours a day, seven days a week.. is there anyone in the columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or facetime.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
The girl next door -
Thank you for your advice. Please read my previous two posts. They go into much greater detail about the boyfriend and the entire situation. It isn't as simple as the post I wrote to find members in Columbia and LA.
-
48
Cousin's Runaway Girlfriend Living with us
by RunAwayDaughter inmy cousin's girlfriend moved from another state and is now living in our home.
they said she lived in a bad situation, but i don't believe them.
my cousin lies.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
She is not going to give me the name and phone number of her Bible Teacher. It took two months for her to admit that she was studying to become a JW.
I've stalked social media trying to find the name of their congregation and can't. Do congregations vary in how strict they follow the religion? Are some more forgiving than others?
I know the names of his mother and two aunts who are active members. And, the names of a couple of the children who live in the house where Brian and my daughter are shacking up.
-
19
Columbia, SC and Arleta, CA members - I need your help
by RunAwayDaughter inmy 18-year-old daughter in columbia, sc ran away to arleta, ca to move in with jw family.
they are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members.
she is surrounded by jws 24 hours a day, seven days a week.. is there anyone in the columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or facetime.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
My 18-year-old daughter in Columbia, SC ran away to Arleta, CA to move in with JW family. They are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members. She is surrounded by JWs 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Is there anyone in the Columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or FaceTime.
Is there anyone in Arleta who can give me some insight into the Temples there? His family is Mexican. Everyone speaks Spanish in the house except my daughter. She is totally dependent on them financially, for transportation, food, everything. She has no identification, credit cards or money. If she wanted to leave, is there anyone there she could turn to? We are three thousand miles away and can't get to her if she really wants to leave. I believe they would stop her before we got there.
-
14
18-Year Old Daughter Moves in with Boyfriend and studying to become a witness
by RunAwayDaughter inmy 18-year-old-daughter, who has not finished high school, left south carolina on january 31 with her 22-year old boyfriend to move in with his family in california.
they are jehovah witness.
daughter: i love you too.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
Thank you
-
14
18-Year Old Daughter Moves in with Boyfriend and studying to become a witness
by RunAwayDaughter inmy 18-year-old-daughter, who has not finished high school, left south carolina on january 31 with her 22-year old boyfriend to move in with his family in california.
they are jehovah witness.
daughter: i love you too.
-
-
RunAwayDaughter
My 18-year-old-daughter, who has not finished high school, left South Carolina on January 31 with her 22-year old boyfriend to move in with his family in California. They are Jehovah Witness. There are 12 people living in a the house. My daughter has known him roughly eight months. Please read the former posts about this topic.
She finally called me Sunday night to tell me she made an A in English (high school). I could tell she was upset. I told her I was proud of her and if she were here, I would give her a great big hug. She started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she missed us and asked if she could visit during her brother's Spring Break. Her oldest brother's birthday is April 1, so we talked about her coming home for his birthday and staying a couple of weeks. She also said she was finishing up her high school work and would graduate early. I invited her to come with us to Britain to see her grandmother, her two cousins and aunt (one cousin had her first baby yesterday - March 18 - and Ciara has been so excited about Becky's pregnancy). I told her we had rented a house next door to Becky and her aunt rented a house in Wales so the entire family can honor her father by spreading some of his ashes in the Welsh mountains and on the cricket field where he played. (The spreading of the ashes is NOT a religious ceremony. Just a remembrance ) She said she would like that and would think about it. We discussed her coming home to visit March 25 and returning April 11. I sent her the information to her email address.
On Monday morning, she sent "Is there any chance for us to fly out April 1st? I've made a commitment to Bryan & hs family on March 31st."
I wrote back that April 1 is her brother's birthday and I'm going to be with him. I asked her to call me so we could look at other options together.
Long story short, she called yesterday afternoon - much happier. I told her that she and Bryan said that his family is very "family oriented" and that they should understand her wanting to spend that Sunday with her brother and family. Also, her brother, who is learning disabled (complex II mitochondrial disease) He is excited about her coming home for his birthday. He is only three months older they her and they grew up like twins.
I asked if the commitment was related to the JW church. She said yes. She said it was a special meeting that happens once a year and it was a really big deal. I asked if she attending JW meetings and she confirmed that she is studying to become a witness. (Finally, a grain of truth!) I stayed calm.
I asked if Bryan was a witness. She said yes. I asked wasn't he shunned. She said yes, but he was working to get "reinstated." I asked wasn't it against JW for them to be living together and having sex? Couldn't they both be shunned for that. She said yeah, but didn't address it and I didn't push it. She said she was going to send a link so I could learn more about JW - a publication with daily "devotionals." I told her to send it that I was open to learning more.
We discussed the dates of the trip to come home. I explained that since she is becoming a JW, this would probably be her last trip home, so it was important that she stay two-three weeks to finish up her driver's licenses, tie up loose ends, etc. to be prepared for a permanent move to California. Also, this would be the last birthday she celebrated with her brother and she could always celebrate the annual event. She didn't argue the point - I think she knows that she will have to give up her family. (I think she was crying Sunday because her boyfriend and she got into an argument, not because she misses us. If she missed us, she would want to stand up for her family.)
I asked about the trip to Britain to celebrate the baby's birth, honor her father and celebrate their graduation. She said she was not going because she would rather walk the stage with Bryan's cousins. I said okay. She said that she would FaceTime us last night to talk with her brothers and grandmother, who was in the hospital Sunday night. And, to firm up the dates for the visit home. She never called. And, she never sent the link to the JW information.
This morning we had to following text exchange:
Daughter at 8:16 a.m. EST: jw.org
Me: Thank you. They've got some great articles. Any specific one you would like me to read?
Daughter: I'm not going to be able to come down until the summer.
Me: Ok. No problem. Can you call me?
Daughter: Not at the moment since I'm still at school. I just wanted to let you know.
Me: Ok. I was hoping you would call last night. I talked with Evan and he was okay with me coming to get you on April 1st. Is that still adoption? We were looking forward to spending Spring Break with you. /even if it is only a few days.
Daughter: I need to just focus on school right now. I'll come down once y'all come back from England.
Me: OK. Will you call me after school?
Daughter: If I'm able to.
Me: ?
Daughter: If I am able to call you I will
Me: OK I love you
Daughter: I love you too. Break's over so I have to go. I'll try to ttyl
Me: K
Four and half hours later I wrote to her: Just looked at jw.org. What I read looks good. Glad you are reading the Bible and learning. Love ya.
I believe my next step should be to sit tight and wait for her to call or text me.
She is getting sucked in to the cult. I'm in South Carolina and she is in Arleta, CA. Other than waiting for her to come to her senses, do you have any recommendations or guidance?
Why wouldn't she want to see her new cousin and spread her father's ashes - something she wanted to do?
How can she be studying to become a Witness when she is living in sin? Living with her "shunned" boyfriend and having sex? Why would the JW elders allow this?
How long will it take her to finish the classes to become a Witness? What happens after she finishes the classes? I truly believe she is only becoming a JW to marry him.
She does not have any of her identification (no passport, birth certificate, adoption papers, driver's permit or social security card). Can she get married the JW temple with her identification?
Why would his mother and grandmother allow them to commit this sin?
Do you have any insights to offer. Do you know anyone former members in Arleta, CA? Are there any intervention groups and if yes, do they work? (I'm not thinking of forcing her. If I had been in California when she called Sunday night sobbing, I believe she would've left. She is all alone. Are there former members that I could refer who to who would be willing to help her in a crunch? Something happened Sunday and will probably happen again.)
Do you know any former members in South Carolina who could talk with me? Any support groups?
Thank you for your support. Don't be surprised if my joins the group. Emotionally, she is where I was last week and I started posting.
Thank you.