So, having just finished talking in a general sense about how sexual abuse is handled in the organisation, and giving the specific example of Candace Conti, I decided to make it even more real for mum, and bring it close to home. I also began to explain more about how all this had made me feel.
I started by telling her that in my city, there are no less than four elders currently in prison or before the courts for child sexual abuse, and that there is a government enquiry in to sex abuse in churches in Australia and that JWs were part of the investigation. Mum says “So how does this make you feel?” I had to be honest so I said “As a result of my experiences, the Conti case, and now these cases in Australia, I no longer believe that elders are appointed by holy spirit.”
Here again, I thought that this might be the moment where she throws me off the nearest bridge. But the interesting thing was that due to the line of reasoning I had been using up this point, and the unaccusing way I was speaking, she was actually all ears and the cult shields were not in their automatic upright position. She was genuinely interested and I could see that what we had been talking about had made sense to her. If I had just come out and said “blah blah blah child abuse, blah blah blah Conti, blah blah blah no holy spirit she would have burst into tears over losing her baby to the dark side. Mum is very smart and since she could see that I was relaying all this in a calm but confident way, I think she realised it was not a knee jerk reaction, but something we had thought long and hard about.
One of the things I had said earlier in the conversation was that the constant use of the Shepherd book was not fair to the sheep. The elders have the rule book, and only tell you when you mess up. Continuing this thought I said “Let me tell you something else that is not known to the general populace of the congregation, and the reason why I can’t believe that elders are appointed by holy spirit.”
“Each of the four elders that are currently in prison or before the courts for sex abuse committed these acts before they were appointed as elders. Note carefully that this happened BEFORE they were appointed. Yes they raped kids some time before they were appointed by holy spirit as elders in the congregation.”
I gave mum some background on how things happen when the CO comes. How before he comes the elders get together and discuss all the brothers in the congregation. Those that are publishers who might be ready to step up to MS are named and discussed. Likewise, MSs who might be ready to step up to being an elder are named and discussed. Those that the body agree on have their names put forward to the CO and are discussed with him at the Friday night meeting. The CO asks questions about them, the elders make their recommendations, and the CO notes it down. At the end of the visit, the CO gives the elders a visit report which notes all sorts of things including that the recommendations have been sent to the Society. A couple of weeks later the body of elders get a letter from the Branch saying thanks for your recommendation, we are pleased to advise that Brother X has been appointed as a MS and Brother Y as an elder. At the very next midweek meeting, before the meeting starts, two elders pull the recommended one into the back room and say hey bro, the Society agreed with our recommendation to appoint you as an elder. But before we do that we have to ask you a couple of questions. Question one: Is there anything from your past that might prevent you from being appointed as an elder? Question two: Are you currently, or have you ever been involved in the sexual abuse of children?
“So here is my point” I said to mum, “For these four elders one of two things must have happened. Either they answered ‘yes’ to question two (in other words they confirm that they have been involved in sex abuse in the past) and the elders let the appointment go ahead anyway. Or they lied by answering ‘no’ and....” Mum finished for me “And the holy spirit allowed them to get appointed despite a history of child sex abuse.” She got my point.
“If the holy spirit had anything to do with this, there is no way that this these guys would ever be considered for being an elder. The holy spirit would have seen to it that they were low hour publishers, or put some other block in the way of him ever even being considered.” Mum said she saw my point and understood my reasoning on the matter.
Mum asked again “So how does this make you feel?” but wanting her to come to her own conclusion and not state anything outright, I said “how would YOU feel?” She replied “I would be very uncomfortable with everything that I had seen and experienced.”
Her next question was “So knowing this, how can you go witnessing?” but again, wanting her to come to her own conclusion I said “What would YOU do?” Her reply was “Well I would feel I would still have to preach as this is in the scriptures.” The preaching thing, and the lack of evidence for it in the scriptures is a whole ‘nother can of worms that I didn’t want to get into at that time. So I just said what we had done when we first started waking up, that when we go out we just use the bible, and use scriptures that have meaning for us like Revelation 21:3, 4.
She said she understood and then asked “So how can you stand to sit at the meetings listening to what is being said?” Again I asked her how it would make HER feel. “Well I would go along because the scriptures say to, but I would be sitting there bored and miserable.” I just looked at her, shrugged my shoulders and said “Yup, that’s pretty much it.” At that point in time we were still going to the meetings.
Mum asked if I had talked to anyone about my questions. I replied by saying that having served as an elder there is no way that I would ever ask anyone about my questions. The elders will try and reason with you to bring you back in to alignment, but if you stand firm, the next thing you will get is a registered post letter inviting you to a judicial committee.
And that was where we left it. For the rest of the time that we were together it never came up again. She acted exactly the same toward us as she always has. In the ensuing months, it never came up, and we never raised it or pushed it. We thought the best thing was to be there and ready to answer any question when she felt the time was right.
But wait, there’s more...