Malachi Constant
JoinedFinnish. Born into a JW family. All my close relatives now out of the org. // My dealings with the local congregation: At one point, they might have caught me because of drinking (for a ... the reason). What was more dangerous, was my disagreement with increasingly many wt doctrines, starting from creation and flood... ending with God butchering the smiling children I saw every day at the local day-care center... that is, eventually, from Genesis to Revelation, the colossal stupidity of WT explanations. // I chose fading out with not too much noise, for family reasons, first of all to make sure I would not loose my two small children via divorce to their mother and thereby to the org. She would stay in for another five years or so. Those times, about 25 years ago, were painful, with not much well-educated professional or other help easily available. Nowadays I find coming to these ex-jw forums every now and then to have a purifying effect on my brain. I would very much like to be a non-JW without being an ex-JW. // Back to the story: In fact, I did talk, not loud but I did, once even to an elder visiting me apparently to get me trapped. A few years earlier, the same elder had told me that I might become an elder in a not so distant future... usual ass-kissing appealing to one's not so noble instinctions... still feel like throwing up. // Towards the end of those five years there was enough evidence to disfellowship me, because of my delicate attempts to unite my family and discussions with some JW's who still (there already were gossips) would talk to me. The only reason I can think of for why they did no throw me out, was that I had educated myself and got some local visibility - a bad combination with too much knowledge on the WT, including its history. // There is not much to say about my JW childhood: the usual good things and the usual bad things like unhappy holidays, fear of demons, the burden of not trusting the outsiders, learning how to navigate in a perverted social environment,... As a teenager, alcohol was an important catalyst for me and my friends. In my hometown one congregation was "dry" while the others were "wet", according to the drinking habits of the elders, again leading to different rules and levels of control, sorry for those who grew up in the dry one. Maybe even the talks by elders were better in the wet ones... inspired by the spirit of the bottle. Alcohol is actually a well-targeted drug to give temporary (and only that) cure for the symptoms of being a JW: It relieves your anxiety caused by the closed community, it gives you courage to give the overseers, the organization and yhvh himself the finger, and it makes you feel free to have sex with someone you like (not with a 'lamb' only). Getting carried away again, better stop here for now.