Long question, but very important.
I can use some help. My daughter wants out of the organization and I need some advise.
Here is my background in a nutshell. I am fully faded for 10+ years. I go to the memorial each year and that is it. I have retained friendships with anyone I care about in the organization. I have been keeping my views to myself for the past few years. When I first learned TTATT I did try to convert some in my family, but when I could see it was going nowhere I just decided to fade and it has worked out for me.
Fast forward a few years later and my daughter got baptized. At that point I totally gave up on trying to point out the problems with the organization to her and for the most part to my wife. It is worth keeping in mind that I very much am in love with my wife and have absolutely no desire to leave her (or to hurt her). I think she may realize there are problems but she is very very close to her family and there is no way she would possibly be willing to leave the organization if it meant not being able have them or to be there for her elderly mother.
My daughter has been baptized about 5-6 years. Then about a month or so ago she told me out of the blue that she does not want to go in service any more and is not interested in going to the meetings. I did not see this coming at all as I had not said anything negative about the org to her for a fairly long time. She is very depressed and seems to be pulling away from her friends at the hall. Of course these are pretty much the only friends she has so that is a problem.
One night she even confided in me that she had considered suicide. She does not see a future with a witness guy and feels that if she sees anyone else she would let everyone down. She is very well thought of in the congregation and they have no idea at all that she is having issues.
I told her that I would be there for her no matter what (of course), I also encouraged her to see a therapist and helped her find one. She has been seeing the therapist for about 6 weeks or so. I asked her how it is going and she said she really likes the therapist. I have not pushed to find out anything else since she seems reticent to share.
I did tell her that she does not need to go in service if she does not want to. But I have not said that she does not have to go to the hall. Her mother just assumes she will go with her and so far she has. She is torn in two (as many of us were) and does not see a way out.
I have been through the anger when I found out that the GB lied, when I researched the history of the org, when I found out about the UN, the pedophile problem, the false prophesy, and so many other things. I have researched the society for hours and hours. I have read every page of JWFacts, Crisis of Conscience, In Search of Christian Freedom and many many other books and sites.
In other words I know what that anger is, when you find out that the people you trust have been lying to you your entire life. However as time has gone by my anger has cooled. I still know they are wrong (more so than ever) but I just don’t think about it as much as I used to. I don’t bring it up in conversation and it is just not much of an issue in my day to day life . . until now.
I have done so much research that I KNOW without a doubt that the society is wrong, I know it. However, from a social standpoint, at least for me, I would rather keep touch. All of my friends know I don’t attend, from time to time I even wear a beard. But I still go out to dinner with them, have them over to my home for dinner, even go on vacation from time to time. For me personally a long slow fade was the way to go. Everyone seems okay with don’t ask don’t tell. Also, I know many on this site no longer believe in a God but I still do.
However it is different with a young girl. How does she do that? Who does she date? A witness that she would have to lie too? That won’t work. Someone from her work, a “worldly” person? That may drop over the line for some of them.
Plus, she is very very sensitive to what people think about her, if she was to be shunned or even partially shunned it would hurt her so much.
What should she do?
If she continues to go to the hall the cognitive dissonance will be very painful but she will retain her extended family. Of course she has me no matter what, and her mother will be hurt but she will still love her. I don’t see her mother shunning her. However if she was DF’d for any reason the extended family probably would shun her and that would destroy her.
When looking up reasons that people take their own life, one of them is if they “feel rejected by friends, family or colleagues” another is if they “feel like they have let other people down” and another reason is that they tell themselves “I will never find a way out of my problem”
I can’t see a way out of this for her. Does anyone have any suggestions? How can she get out of the org without being rejected by friends and family, how can she do it without feeling like she it letting people down? How can she find a way out of this problem?
BTW. She likes the brothers and sisters at her hall and they all love her, she is not having any personal problems. She just sees that what they are teaching is not scriptural. She did go to college (4 yr degree) and took classes on critical thinking. I am fairly sure that is why the GB does not want anyone going to college, I think that may have been the deciding factor.
Also, how can she find others that are PIMO that she can be friends with? That would be a huge help if she could find even one other PIMO sister in their early 20’s. Problem is that if they are PIMO they don’t advertise it, (just like she doesn’t) and it seems impossible for two PIMO people to meet. I looked on meet up in our town but there are no XJW groups anywhere near here. Suggestions?
