This explains a lot. So quickly he makes an argument where there isn't one. I found myself contstantly explaining, "that's not what I meant or that's not what happened". I finally stopped reacting to these encounters. I read a book, Boundaries, learned not to take it personally. When I stopped reacting to the constant accusations and insults he started with a new tactic. He quit speaking to me. That worked very well and honestly it still does.
Posts by today
-
61My First Post
by today ini've been visiting this forum everyday, reading and waiting patiently for approval to post.
i've never been a jw.
my husband and daughter are.
-
-
-
27
i'm a murderer she says.
by maz inthis morning at 8:30, my mother decides to come into my room.
i was lying on my bed reading a book.. mum: i need to tell you something.
mum: please don't commit immoral sin.. me: umm... what are you talking about?
-
-
today
Oh Maz, my heart goes out to you. I agree with Quandry. Just love on your mom. Your unconditional love may be the thing that helps her. You are at a good place in your life. You're young and almost out of university and you are no longer under the control of the WT. I understand the sudden outbursts of tears. You've suffered a loss, a great loss. You will heal. Forgive your mom, she doesn't understand like you do the mind control she's under.
-
61
My First Post
by today ini've been visiting this forum everyday, reading and waiting patiently for approval to post.
i've never been a jw.
my husband and daughter are.
-
-
today
Thanks for sharing your personal stories, it does give me encouragement to know I'm not alone.
Drew Sagan thank you and I will take your advice. I believe in being careful and thoughtful of how I treat others.
"Remember that specific criticisms of doctrine and practice are seen as disagreements with "the truth." Disagree with them and you disagree with god. It's all your problem, you are the one that needs to get things straight."
Wow! This is an eye opener. Knowing this helps, I wont being saying anything negative about the WTS to him. Starting today, until this is resolved or we go our separate ways I'm going to try to make homelife as happy as I can. Some things I don't know how to deal with though, like he doesn't like for my neice and nephew to come over. My neice and nephew are like my own children. They love to come to my house and I love having them.
I feel really welcomed. Thank you.
-
101
A riddle my brother gave me today
by bohm ina man has 2 children.
he tells you one is a boy born on a tuesday.
what is the probability the other is a boy to?.
-
-
today
So what's the answer? For real.
-
61
My First Post
by today ini've been visiting this forum everyday, reading and waiting patiently for approval to post.
i've never been a jw.
my husband and daughter are.
-
-
today
Thank you all for every kind word and thoughtful suggestion. So happy I found this place.
-
61
My First Post
by today ini've been visiting this forum everyday, reading and waiting patiently for approval to post.
i've never been a jw.
my husband and daughter are.
-
-
today
I'll be picking up those books from my library just as soon as they fill my request for them. Thanks I can't wait to start reading. When I first started finding all this information online I approached my husband with it. He got angryyyyyyy. It was like a 2 year old throwing an awful temper tantrum where they wouldn't let you get a word in or listen to reason. I was stunned. I had no idea what I had just done. While waiting for my approval to post I've been reading all over this board and something someone said made sense to me, about 1st dealing with the cult mind before bringing up all the "new light" changes of the WT. How do you deal with a cult mind? I don't have a clue. I used to say to him I'm insignificant, I have no voice here, I feel like the bottom of a shoe. I was so green and naive I had no idea what I was up against I think he feels more sorry he married me than guilty. It seems more like he's being competitive than sincere in it. I don't see that he has the same zeal for studying that my daughter has. She highlights and underlines and makes notes all week. He pulls it out an hour or so before he runs to meeting. There are even times I can tell he doesn't want to go but he'll never let me know that.
Thank goodness my son wants nothing to do with his father's doctrine. He's seen what it's done to his sister. One day he said to me, "mom her personality is lost to me". On many occaisions I've heard my husband telling him stuff like, "see what happened to Haiti, sign of the times, see the volcano errupting and no one can travel, sign of the times, see the stockmarket plummeting, sign of the times". My son says nothing to him because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings but he'll pass by me and mumble, "Dad's being weird, or watchout Armagedons gonna get you". He's a comic.
Thanks for your thoughtful words and insight. It's a relief.
-
11
The Cross
by Nephilim inwhen one talks about the subject of jesus' death with the witnesses the most important thing obviously is the ransom sacrifice.
i find it really odd though that there is so much focus on whether or not jesus was killed on a stake or a cross when obviously it didn't really matter how he died... in fact, he could've been tortured in many different ways and it would still have the same meaning, right?
so since you would no doubt be disfellowshipped for saying, "hey maybe it was a cross and not a stake" i decided to look up where they got their information and make sure it was a credible source.. and i quote from the insight book:.
-
-
today
Was it not a Roman cross or stake. Wouldn't that make them both pagan anyway? Why is this an argument for the JWs?
-
61
My First Post
by today ini've been visiting this forum everyday, reading and waiting patiently for approval to post.
i've never been a jw.
my husband and daughter are.
-
-
today
Your words are like a balm to my heart. I was clueless to so much. Spent a lot of time crying. I love him and I know that if he "came to his senses" we could have a beautiful marriage, but I also daydream about waking up one morning free of him and his cult mentality.
To answer the question, if I'm better off without him? Yes. Is he better off without me? I think yes too. He would be free to marry someone from the KH who believes just as he does. They could get all dressed up in suite and tie, dress and stockings and go to meeting like one big happy family. My daughter I fear, would stay completely immersed in a doctrine that's destroying her mind.
Our 10 year old son however, is my biggest worry. I'll endure anything to protect my beautiful boy's heart.
It's healing to read your kind words. I'm grateful for your insight and advice. This place is a lifeline.
-
15
Thanks to the J.W.s im soon to be homeless, living in tent!
by outlander inshould have seen it coming.
don't want to rehash my personal situation, anyone who's read my former posts will know it.
anyone who cares can look them up and get the gist of the situation.
-
-
today
"Before your sister does ANYTHING, go see a lawyer and see what rights you have re: your mother's care and your home."
I second that. Don't get sad just yet. You might be quite surprised when you find out just how much rights you do have. I am sorry that you and your sister can't just settle this between each other.
-
61
My First Post
by today ini've been visiting this forum everyday, reading and waiting patiently for approval to post.
i've never been a jw.
my husband and daughter are.
-
-
today
I've been visiting this forum everyday, reading and waiting patiently for approval to post. I've never been a JW. My husband and daughter are. Until I found the wealth of information on the internet concerning the WTS I felt so alone. The divide in my home is as wide as a canyon. I had no idea when I married my husband what the JWs were about. He had not attended the KH since he was a child and while we dated he celebrated everything. I had heard once that they were a cult but I figured they're not the Waco or Jonestown kind, and they seem to be good citizens so let them be. Then my daughter started inhaling their doctrine thanks to my mother-in-law (she's my stepdaughter so I had no say). Shortly after her baptism she was comitted to a mental ward, screaming at the "sinful thoughts in her head", paranoid that everyone was looking at her and kept saying, "I don't want to perish". I wanted to tell my husband and mother-in-law that they were killing her with their doctrine. My daughter is a beautiful 16 year old girl. Before the WTS got a hold of her she was strong, confident, opinionated, goal oriented, ambitious. Now she's taking antipsychotics and barely speaks above a whisper. I'm angry at what this cult has done to my daughter, to my relationship with my husband, to our family. The happy home I grew up in did not prepare me for this. I can't stand the alienation. My husband barely communicates with me and when he does it's only to find fault with me. You would think I'm being shunned even though I've never been a JW, never studied with them, don't attend their meetings, don't read their magazines and have never shown interest in their beliefs. Why can't we just be left alone to love each other. I know in an instant if he had to chose, I would lose. He's a good man, a good father and I love him. But honestly, I know he loves the WT more. I know it's a long post, if you've read through it all thank you. So glad I get to be a part of the discussions on this board.