x golden child
JoinedI was raised as one of Jehovahs Witnesses along with a brother and two sisters. The eldest child, my sister seventeen years older than me, left the witnesses when I was three years old. Being too young to remember moving on was easy, although Im told I took it hard. My other sister and brother, who are fourteen and twelve years older, took it hard as well but I think they used there frustration to through themselves even further in the thick of the witness culture. Why pay such a high price for something youre only going to do halfheartedly right? Both pioneered, he was a ministerial servant, she an elders wife, pillars in the congregation. He was the best thing since sliced bread, she the embodiment of love as they still are. But when I was around ten or eleven they too left. Hard times fallowed, they were my best friends and I look to them for everything. Especially my brother since good ol dad was somewhat absent in my life. Mom and I spent the next three years in social isolation, but I began to reach out mid teen years attempting to become half of what they where. Again the idea of trying to make it worth the high price comes into play. But I felt as though the odds where against me, if they couldnt make it I certainly couldnt. I came close being a pioneer and an overall exemplary publisher, I even starting thinking I could be what they werent. Then something amazing happen! I started thinking for myself. I realized that they didnt punk out; they saw the fucking light as I was, and it wasnt coming from Brooklyn!! It all came together for me, its not a lack of strength to accept the world, its lack of strength to never question what youve been force feed to believe youre whole life. And when I did question with an open mind I didnt like what I saw with the witnesses. Judgment is there hallmark. Thats something I simply cant stand for. I saw it was mind control and I ran as fast as I could. So fast that within the time period of a month I was conducting bible studies then flying out to spend some time with my brother never thinking twice. Its been great reconnecting with them and not being held back from seeing and experiencing the beauty of others. Im so lucky to have them there for me as well as a good friend that actually gave me a place to live till I found an apartment. Its a little intimidating because it feels like the whole world just opened up its doors, well I guess it did, but its also exciding. I can finally put something into me for my own self development and not fell bad. Enjoy life without hearing a clock ticking down to the end.