ex jw's shouldnt own guns

stopthepain

Due to being a broken human,taught to hate himself,I find critiscm,even constructive,hard to handle.Someone mentioned I looked like I was packing on a few pounds,due to binge eating,alchoholism,drug addiction,depression,and an overall bad attitude,I almost started crying at work in front of my peers.I swear if I owned a gun,I'd be dead.OH,I thought about driving 110 into a pole,but theres no gurantee of being dead.If I owned a gun,I would be dead,because my moods and depression and insecurity are like a goddamn balancing act.The way I was raised make me love myself,and hate myself ,all in the same breath.I am glad I don't buy into anything,and realize most people,includind my own family are ultimately selfish,as am I.I have become selfish,critical and angry,but I also see the good in mankind.I go thru life trying to help people,and being a good guy.All you get is shit back.

My father,who allowed all this BS to reign supreme,is the most unloving,unchristian ,negative human I know.When people die,he claims they deserve it.Its so funny that the whole point of religion,and jw's especially,is love.to love someone,you know,the friutages of the spirit.Most people don't show jack shit but profess to be better.

I guess the emotions I go thru will bnever go away,but this is no suicide thread,because as I drove home,I thought of the little things in life that I enjoy,and I will not let some cult,or twisted view of love make me end it.I will keep going for the few moments of enjoyment this life provides me,but I still will never own a gun.

jgnat

Amen to that, brother. Don't get a gun. I was thinking also of disfellowshipped fathers that get it in to their head that they can guarantee paradise earth for their children if they off them now.

Someone mentioned I looked like I was packing on a few pounds,due to binge eating,alchoholism,drug addiction,depression,and an overall bad attitude

Now, that is harsh. That would be tough for anybody to hear. I think you are on the right track, choosing to do good and live. Maybe pick up one more volunteer activity with peope who are guaranteed to respond to your kindness. Like in a group home of down's syndrome adults or immigrants eager to learn English.

hubert

I am glad that you vented this out. Maybe it will help you to deal with it, stp.

Keep looking for the good things in life. Keep on helping people, too. I'm sure that some do really appreciate your help, but maybe you just don't see it, because of the way you feel.

I sure hope things get better for you.

Hubert

stopthepain

I have always struggled with weight problems,as well as others,and I get pissed becuase my parents won't admit that there way of raising me has anything to do with it.My families only advice is to go to meetings,why can't they see and accept that it was the religion that has caused some of this.I don't blame it for every problem,but to deny it's influence kills me.I am a high school dropout,who moved out at 18,and my parents wouldn't talk to me,I got in a job that is no joke,one of the toughest raquets there is.They didn't train me for shit,they still don't say nothing,because they would have to face the music.I slipped into heavy drug and alchohol problems,which they still stand idley by,and tell me I am just making excuses.Never have they come to me with love or understanding.Maybe thats what they were taught,but br4eak the cycle.I just feel like I'll never be normal.

Hey,throwing your own pity party is kinda fun

talesin

I have been grateful that handguns are an oddity here in Canada, for the same reasons, stp. Yes, I have had many of these days as well.

Believe it or not, there will come a time when the good days come more often than the bad. You have a good attitude! There are a lot of good people, and they will find you. There are great moments, and you will experience them.

I echo jgnat's suggestion about volunteering. Not only will it give you the usual bennies, but as an exJW, it helped me connect to community. It also was a way to discover that people like me, just because I am a likable person. Give it a try. Types of places where you can find volunteer jobs? Hospitals, youth shelters, and the public library are three spots that usually need folks.

Above all, keep on believing what you do now,,, that life IS worth it. And don't beat yourself up for the problems you have,,, you will work them out in time.

tal

stopthepain

thanks jgnat and hubert.

Hey hubert,I am sorry I didn't make the apostafest in july,I again showed my selfishness and couldn't handle the heat.I hope it went well.I hope you didn't lose any $$ on me saying I would show up.If you did I will mail it to you.

jgnat

A word about your parent's portion of blame. You know they will never be able to see it. I am not a JW, but I was raised by a narcicisst bipolar-disorder mother. When she is in the room, it is all about her. I chose to have a "funeral" over all that was lost in my childhood, all that would never be, and moved on. I get along OK with her now. I don't expect her to be a mom.

My sister, on the other hand, continues to blame our mom for lots of screwy stuff. The funny thing, her children now blame her for stuff she missed out in their growing up. I find her children very selfish and self-absorbed. How unfair is that?

I'd have to say, dwelling on a bad parent is just like a moth orbiting a porch light. It does the moth no good, and the light don't care. I think I am better off for letting go of mom those many years ago.

stopthepain

thanks talesin---I feel I have helped someone,my brother.This kid has been thru hell.He is on meds,becuase he wouldn't go with the JW program.My parents labeled him a "rebel" and slapped him on all kinds of meds.I helped him get free of the cults grip.He is flourishing as a human now.He is a great musician,a bass guitar player,no BS,he is awesome.He tried to kill himself twice,and I have talked him down aq couple times.Both times it was over the religion,and if armegeddon was real abd he thought he would die.My parents also let him drop out of school.I thanfully got a good job,he is a dishwasher.He still lives at home,and has to accept mental abuse.He has been told he's screwed up since he was little.What my parents don't realize ,is he makes more sense then they ever will.They refuse to see the good,and focus on the minutia of things---the kid is 21,they act like4 he should be perfect.I have to be strong for him.He relies on my strength.He just got a tatto that says CDS-----------it means cognitive dissodence syndrome.It is on his forearm,and he says he will be reminded everyday of how he mentally broke free from it.He always thanks me for helping him,and I thank this website for my full freedom.I am the only link to help my brother and 3 sisters.My sister just filed for divorce from her mentally abusive Jw husband.I was the only one to stand up and truly support her.She is now flourishing as a human.All my family knows of my problems,but I feel ,at 24 ,That I am to far gone.A victim of crazy BS,that no one will own up too.

hubert

Hey hubert,I am sorry I didn't make the apostafest in july,I again showed my selfishness and couldn't handle the heat.I hope it went well.I hope you didn't lose any $$ on me saying I would show up.If you did I will mail it to you.

STP..... I had expected to lose some people at the last minute, for whatever reasons. This was taken into account. However, what I didn't expect is that everyone there chipped in to defray my extra expenses, so don't worry about it, you don't owe anything. These things happen.

What you do owe is, a "Thank you" to everyone there for chipping in. Even my own granddaughter didn't make it, and they all chipped in for her meal, too. They are the best, and so are you. I hope to meet you someday, maybe at another Fest.

By the way, it went well, and everyone had a great time. Keep your chin up.

Hubert

ex jw's shouldnt own guns

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