anyone ever find raising children as jw's.....

by orbison11 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • orbison11

    was, at times difficult, due to all the restrictions placed on them,

    which led to strains in the parent/child relationships,,,,,, then years later, after that child had grown and had children,,,had,,,well, come back to you

    i just bought myself a shredder to do some purging of life and paper:)

    so i found a stack with all the divorce papers, about 7 years old, sheesh they were nasty,,x-a jw, and 3 (most grown) jw and one df'd.....................i was df'd

    i tried not to read as i was shredding, but i couldnt help myself in some parts

    my one child, the difficult of the 4, which i now feel had learning issue, incl dsylexia, etc, claims i once told him to go to hell,,,,hhmmm,,that is so not my language,,,,,but i am thinking, well maybe i did, always alone trying to raise the 4 children, pioneer, work part time, etc,,,,i might have, but i dont remember it

    we are estranged, with my oldest (daughter-df'd) and i emailing sporadically

    just wondering, did any of you go thru something like this, with at least one of the children wanting to have a relationship with you,,,,,i am feeling that after all those years i thought i was a good parent and loved them, that they all hate me,,,hhmm

    ok pity parti over,,,but just wondering,,,well hoping i think is the truth



  • Gill

    Hi Orbison! It's true that kids break your bank balance and break your heart. Sorry for your sad memories. Bringing up children is terribly hard work anyway never mind when you add all the JW restrictions. Makes you wonder what it would all have been like if you'd not been a JW, doesn't it!

  • PaulJ

    I found it difficult and mine were little. Its funny i was at a born again christian wedding at the weekend and me and Amy sat there with our baby daughter. The 'church' or Christain Centre as it was called was in many ways like a kingdom hall, and i remember feeling uncomfortable when our little girl made any noise during the service. Looking back i cant believe how i did it (I had 3 children with my ex, when we were in the 'truth')

    I dont think kids are meant to be able to sit still and quietly for 2 hours at a time....

  • orbison11

    gill: thanks i felt your arm around my shoulder:) was kinda hoping to get that, ,,,,,,vancouver time here, now maybe i can go to bed

    paul:too funny, my daughters name is amy lol


  • thom

    I felt really bad for her. Talking to the teachers about patriotism and stuff wasn't something I really enjoyed doing either. But her having to be no part of so much stuff at school and only having friends at the KH was hard for her. Especially since the kids at the KH didn't like her as we didn't have an endless supply of money like all their families did.
    She's doing so much better now, almost a year out. She has friends, she's in clubs, basically living a somewhat normal life now. I know Christmas won't be terribly exciting as I've never done that before and don't really know what I'm doing.
    Her mom is df'd and still belives the JW's have "the truth". I can see that it's bothering her how I'm raising our daughter (she doesn't live with us, she lives with her boyfriend). She's keeping quiet because I'm the one raising her, but I'm concerned that she might start something at some point as she really didn't have in mind her daughter NOT being a JW.

  • Legolas
    anyone ever find raising children as jw's..... was, at times difficult, due to all the restrictions placed on them,

    Are you F**KING SERIOUS????? If I could go back in time to the day that B*TCH was walking up to my door,.. well lets just say................................................................................ (Fill in the blanks with your imagination) !!!!!!!

  • ithinkisee

    My oldest daughter is now in second grade. It kills me having to go and give the "We're JW's" speech to teachers.

    Thankfully, it looks like this might have been the last year I have to do that.


  • luna2

    I totally understand what you are saying, orbison. My kids once told me that they had a horrible childhood...of course, this was at a time they were angry with me over something and it was calculated to hurt as much as possible, but they wouldn't have said it if there wasn't some truth to it. I was devastated at the time.

    My youngest son had restrictions eased by the time he got to highschool because I was seeing how the JW-way didn't work and didn't make for happy, well-adjusted kids. My oldest boy got the short end of that stick for sure. I wish I'd stuck to my guns in the beginning when I told the sister I was studying with that I didn't want to study any more. I took a break for about six months and then resumed the study. A definite fork in the road...and I took the wrong direction.

    Its unfortunate that my ex was jerking me around at the time. One month he'd tell me he wanted to work things out and have us move down to KY (he was stationed at Ft. Knox at the time)....then a couple months later he'd act like he never said that at all. I think I looked at the "truth" as a way to put him behind me for good. Becoming a JW was like thumbing my nose at him. What a screwed up mess it all was...and my kids suffered for it most.

  • misguided



    There is no doubt, raising children as jw's was very difficult and I'm so sorry for the pain you bear.


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  • sweet tee
    sweet tee

    It's OK orbi ...all we can do is the best we know how to at the time. Hopefully your children will forgive and move on. I had issues with my upbringing and my mother wasn't JW!!! But once I had a child of my own I understood, because I hoped my son would forgive me for the mistakes I was bound to make. Now that he's grown and spent 12 years of his life being exposed to a cult we've talked about how that affected him. He told me he never believed it was the truth, never planned on getting baptized, hated the meetings (except for fact that he could associate with likeminded youths afterwards ) and he planned to leave behind as soon as he turned 18. All the witnessing I did to his teachers didn't mean a thing (LOL LOL LOL), he did what he wanted and was as 'normal' as he could be under the circumstances.

    The only answer to your dilemma is forgiveness ... start by forgiving yourself and communicating with your children about what's going on in their lives now. No need to revisit the past, it won't change anything that has happened, will it? Learn from you mistakes and move on.

    Blood IS thicker than mud ... draw close to your family.

    ((((((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))))))

    sweet tee

    p.s. none of the youths in my sons clique are still in the lie.

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