Well I was born and raised in Calcutta in 1899. My father was a snake charmer and my mother the adulterous wife of a wealthy importer/exporter. The years passed slowly and my father slipped deeper into the alcholic haze that was his life, forcing me at the tender age of 13 to take over the family business. Numerous hospital visits later I decided this was not the life for me and leaving my father behind I set out to conquer the world.
10 years later found me working at a banana plantation in East Asia, where I fell out of favour with the local authorities on account of my monkey smuggling ring. Forced to flee, I made my way to Canada where I became quite the celebrity for a time when I posed nude for "Nude" magazine. The name was dull and uninspired and when I suggested a change to "MEN opause Magazine: The FUN years" I was offered a job on the board of directors.
However, once again my interest in the smuggling trade, this time smuggling rare albino Wildebeasts (which I affectionately named Crackerbeasts) got me into trouble with the local authorities and I was fired from my well paying position.
39, out of work, and rapidly losing the rugged good looks which allowed me to "baboon" through life as it were, I had reached the end of my figurative rope. So, it seemed almost fitting to reach my end with a LITERAL rope. I strung myself up and took the plunge, only to awaken to the face of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen! Her name was Jasmine Weatherbee, a singer/actress who had seen me swinging through the window of the rope store and had cut me down.
For the next 50 years we were inseperable. Partly because of our love for each other, partly because of that unfortunate super glue experiment gone horribly wrong. She died 2 years ago next week....I miss her terribly but whenever I need to see her face I just look over to the husk of her corpse still attached to my side and smile. Sure the years have been rough but I've led an interesting life. And I wouldnt change anything.
What's your story peoples? Where you all from?