Contact after DF'ed or DA'ed

by karen96 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • karen96

    A different thread made me wonder:

    Did anyone from the KH try to contact you even after your df/da was announced?

    So many tried to call me, or wrote me letters, I couldn't believe it at the time. They were all "We love you, we want you to live in paradise with us", but I knew they were looking for the dirt on why I left.


  • blondie

    It is surprising that so many tried to contact a DA'd or DF'd person. Naughty, naughty. You are probably correct they just wanted the juicy details. Perhaps they thought you wouldn't "turn them in" to an elder or that it would be your word agains theirs, and we know what your status was with the elders.

    I'm not DA'd/DF'd so I can't answer personally.

    Did you call them back/write them?

    Welcome, Blondie

  • karen96

    No, I avoided the phone and didn't return the calls. One sister even invited me over to her house after the announcement. I declined. The letters I kept for a while, then got rid of. I knew I wasn't going back, and figured if anyone I knew left the org, they would find me.


  • roybatty

    Funny thing, I was just thinking about this. An elder (20 years my senior) who basically "groomed" me to be his little protegee spent last week painting the outside of my neighbor's house. Now this is a man I spent a LOT of time with (years). We pioneered together, he conducted my wedding ceremony, led my appointment as both a MS and elder. We served together as elders on the same body. He was the veteran PO, I was the up and coming rookie. Years later, he was also the one who called and visited when my marriage fell apart and later he chaired my judicial committee when I dissassociated myself.

    Part of me was a little surprised that he didn't stop by to say hello (esp. since elders can visit ex-JWs w/o being questioned). Another part of me wasn't surprised since it has been over 5 years since my leaving (and I have been active in other community activities). Maybe it's just that, maybe they don't want to be reminded that people can leave the congregation, be happy and raise good kids. JWs are so conditioned that if you leave the organization, doom and gloom will fill your life.

    This little experience again confirmed for me that even with the nice ones (and he is a good guy) it's a conditional friendship. If there is one thing I don't need in my life, is another one of those.

    On the other hand my 14-year old son (who's dragged to the KH by my ex) passed along a "funny" story. The other day we were sitting down eating dinner and he asked if I remembered sister "so & so." He said that she approachd him the other day after the meeting and told him "I remember your father....he was a very handsome man." Of course, my son and daughter teased me because this woman is 80 years old and nearly blind! Oh well, I'll take the compliment.

  • GetBusyLiving

    I get contacted periodically by some Dub ex-friends, but I'm sure they'll get bored of that eventually and get on with their lives.


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