The new priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly
speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the
Monsignor how he could relax.
The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in
the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go smoothly."
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was
able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon his returning to
the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor.
It Read:
1. Next time SIP. don't gulp
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. We don't refer to the cross as the "Big T"
5. The recommeded grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for
the grub. Yeah God"
6. David slew Goliath, he didn't "Beat the shit out of him"
7. Don't refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as "JC and the Boys"
8. It's always "Virgin Mary" not "Mary with a cherry"
9. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are not "Big Daddy, Junior,
and the Spook"
10. And last but not least, next Wednesday there is a taffy pulling
contest at St Peter's Church, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's
Church.
Q: How do you know a Dub loyal to "Jehovah's Organisation" is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.