We are responsible to ourselves, Keith, for our own happiness, and in some cases, our un-happiness, when you look at it from the way you're describing it. Authentic love comes at such a huge price that many of us are unwilling or in the case of many, unable to pay. It's only when we come to the realization that love and relationships are hard, hard work, and the work that is required of us demands often times that we go thru storms, hills and valleys within our humaness.
It's taken me a lot longer than I would've liked to come to the understanding that being in love is not always going to be an option within my marriage. I would love to be in love again. Every once in a while, I can still feel that passionate energy that was once felt, however, reality sinks in and I have to contend with the side of marriage that I would prefer not to. Those very things that you mentioned.
Is it loving to tell someone "I am unhappy because of you"? I feel that is equated with "I am happy because of you".
We need to find a way to be happy with or without our life partners. I've had to learn to make certain that I take care of me first. Not that I won't take care of my wife's needs, as that was often what was causing a lacking of happiness in my own life. I've learned to give to myself first, and then I can give more effectively to others.
I used to always think, when I was a practicing DUB that I wanted to be married. To have that pretty sister who would make my world such a lovely place of peaceful, sexual co-existence. I was only a horny, dirty old man and believe had I married in the truth, I would done even more damage to any sister unfortunate enough to be steered in my direction.
Marriage in Dubdom is often fraught with misgivings as was evident with so many talks at DC's and public talks and Watchtower studies that I would often wonder, why is there so much trouble going on in the marriages of Jehovah's Witnesses? I was often dumbfounded when I would see so many un-happy couples in my congragation. I think we are given a most un-realistic blueprint when we are blissfully wedded off.
I would snicker at the term used frequently in the Hall how newly weded couples were not going on their Honeymoon but a Horney Moon. We go in with blinders on and with exceedingly unrealistic expectations. It would be a wonderful thing if like the churches, witness couples could all get together in pre-maritial counselling, to give them a more accurate reflection as to what to expect when the parties over and the real work of love and marriage begins. I feel for you mate, in a way that you could never know.
Arthur
