DFed Persons - Some Questions

by Stephanus 9 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Stephanus

  Regarding DFing policy:
  Is it true that those wishing reinstatement sit up the back?
  In an average congregation, how many Dfed would be sitting up the back?
  Is everyone sitting up the back likely to be DFed?

  I'm asking this because it is my intention to attend the local KH for a meeting - I can see some s***stirring potential in sitting up the back and only talking to the DFed ones - no elders could pull rank on me and stop me. The only problem I could see with this is that it could make life worse for the DFed ones.

  How likely is that, and what other problems are likely to arise?

  Stephanus, of the "never give an elder an even break" class.
• 

  ChuckD

  Where I attended, there was very rarely someone there in that situation. Many of those who are put out simply stay out, never to return. Of those who do try for a comeback, rarely would two be in there at the same time.

  But it does bring up an interesting question; would a DF'ed person who wants to be reinstated be obliged to not speak to ANOTHER DF'ed person who also wants to be reinstated if they met in the Kingdon Hall? That would be an interesting scenario.
• 

  Stephanus

  Good observation, Chuck

  It was that potential "grey area" that got me thinking along these lines - sure, R&F in good standing can't speak to DFed, but an "innocent" non-Dub like myself could sit with them and happily chat away without realising how "wrong" that is. And yes, how could they stop DFed talking to each other? That's probably why the elders prefer to see them go their own way and make reinstatement so hard - if you had too many sitting up the back "fellowshipping" with each other, you'd destroy the whole power of shunning.
• 

  Patriot

  In my hall from time to time we would have 1 D'fd person sitting in the back.
  Usually sitting in the back gives the "idea" that they are sorry for what they did. If they were to sit all the way in the front it could be taken as a defiant and "I don't care" attitude.

  Besides that, most people that sit in the back is either because they're late or they have big families or have babies that tend to make alot of niose. So instead of having the attendants(ushers) telling them to remove their kids from the main room, they sit back there to do it themselves.

  As far as you talking with a D'fd person (if you can find one) they won't talk to you. Usually that'll give you the clue to keep walking because he/she is d'fd. If you insist, then they will tell straight out they are. If you still insist they'll most probably ignore you because if an elder catches them talking to you, you won't get told anything but they will get told that doing that will hurt their chances of a "speedy" recovery. And if thats their goal, trust me you won't change it.

  Maverick
• 

  Stephanus

  Yes, Patriot, I had a feeling that that "loophole" was a bit too obvious to not have been covered. It sounds like a good stir, but anyone willing enough to go through the humiliation of the reinstatement process is unlikely to see any attention from anyone who might inadvertently jeopardise their chances as a favour. It's so sad to see the way the Borg so effectively teaches its victims to suspect the very things which would lead them into a healthy, productive life!
• 

  BoozeRunner

  Hi Stephanus,
  When I was attempting reinstatement, I sat where I chose, RARELY in the back of the KH. I didnt care if anyone felt uncomfortable with my presence.
  One week after I was DF'd, a young brother whom I was friends with said hello to me as I was looking at the bulletin board. Not wanting him to get a "talking to" by the elders, I quickly said to him, "you know better."

  Boozy

  p.s.I gve up on the reinstatement eventualy because of how difficult certain elders made it for me.
• 

  gsark

  I was df'd in 89, and like Chuck D said, rarely are there 2 in a Hall at any given time. If there are 30,000 people df'd each year, and 91,000 congregations, that is, I believe, 1 person df'd for evey 3 congregations. (Of course, my Kingdom Hall has 4 congregations...)If only half of those are seeking resinstaement, then that is one df'd person in every 6 congrgations.

  But as everyone on this board knows, these are only numbers and they don't tell the whole sory.

  I go to the Hall late, the back rows are always full, and I sit wherever there is an empty seat. Mind you, my meetings are always 1/2 to 2/3 empty, but the back rows are always full. I also go stand by the door during the concluding song, and slip out immediately after the concluding prayer. Been doing this all these years.

  I am looking very much forward to attending meetings during this time of turmoil in the organization. Gotta see me some o' dat damage control in person..

  I've talked to many a df'd person, but always in private, far away from prying eyes...and ears. I always felt that the Witnesses pay rent/mortgage for their Kingdom Hall, let them have it their way, it's their 'house'and 'castle'.

  And we can have our 'way' here!

  Life is a roller coaster. Get in, sit down, shut up and hang on!
• 

  alamb

  When I was disassociated and attending meetings trying to be reinstated (don't ask) an unbaptized person came up to me and asked how my baby was and we talked briefly. Later I overheard an elder in the coatroom ream him for speaking to me. He must have been all of 12. There was a friend of mine there also who was df'ed and we would give signals and meet around the block in our cars and go for coffee. Ironically, she is reinstated and will not speak to me now.
• 

  alamb

  p.s. I was recommended for reinstatement 4 times but my original committee would not even address it. They would not return my phone calls or even respond to the elders in my current Hall. That enough for me. "By their fruits.........."
• 

  Richie

  I went back several times to the KH after I was df-ed. In fact I was disfellowshipped in another congregation, but I started to go back later on to a different KH (where I used to be many years earlier) which my daughter and husband also attend. There were in total 2 brothers who were happy to see me; one brother poked me slightly in the back showing happiness that I attended again and a second brother gave me the thumbs up when I left the hall at the close of the meeting. I must admit that these latter brothers showed true character in deciding not to ignore me totally but give me a measure of respect due to a human being, as I still am a human as I always was a person of the human family to begin with......
  I must admit that these tiny acknowledgements from those two brothers still resonate deep inside of me, again proving that true compassion given by another soul makes the heart smile with deep contentment, albeit small but sincere nevertheless.
  This reminds me of a time back in 1985, when a family member of my late wife lost her son of 25 years unexpectedly. This son was jogging and suddenly fell down dead because of exhaustion of some kind and perhaps a heart attack....His father was so devastated of his son's death that he became a changed man afterwards, whereas his mother was the strongest of having to bear the loss of her son as well as the devastation of her poor husband who a little while later could not hold his job anymore - the sadness in this man was so profound that I could not help holding down my tears as he was looking down at the open coffin of his dear son.......
  Many years later my own wife died of cancer in 1989 and I must say that many brothers and sisters in the truth at that time were comforting me and my children, however some of them thought sadly that I should stop mourning after about a month or so....
  But what I wanted to convey is that of all the many condolences and well wishers, the one that stood out above them all like a pillar of gold in all its glory was the comforting words of this woman who lost her son a couple of years earlier......she wrote me a note saying that she really understood the emotions and feelings I went through after my wife's death....yes she was so sincere in her words of comfort... yes the way she wrote her words in a sincere and yet simplistic manner of tone but powerful and deep from the heart that this was the most beautiful consolation I ever received from anybody!
  I must also mention that this woman who lost her son was never a Witness, but a person from the "world" as they say in Society's terminology.... So piercing, so emotional and yet so sincere from a woman who I hardly knew but who went through the same agony of losing a loved one...her son..yes she could so very much understand the loss in its entirety and therefore hand me the comfort I needed so much at that time...
  When all of this is said....where is the true love that is shown by the members of the congregation of the wayward ones or those which are wrongly disfellowshipped....yes, God's ways are much, much higher than man's and I now fully understand this principle.....I never forgot this experience which taught me so much about life itself....

  Richie :*)

  You are the music as long as the music lasts...............