Got this forwarded from my dad. Apart from standard snide Dubbie comments it is quite funny, although obviously written by an adult...
Thank goodness for My Book of Bible Stories book and Listening To The Great Teacher!
The following answers allegedly come from a Catholic schools where children were tested about their knowledge of the "Old" and "New" Testaments. The answers have not been corrected and include original spelling mistakes:
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK A SABATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGH HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH GENITILS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZABEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYD THE FILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSALS.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE WHERE THEY MADE UNLEVANED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANYTHING IN IT.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN A DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT A APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
12. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS GOOD AT PLAYING A LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLE TIMES.
13. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
14. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
15. WHEN THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN A STABLE MANAGER.
16. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMACULAT CONTRAPTION.
17. THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
18. JESUS PREACHED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO IT TO YOU. HE ALSO SAID A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
19. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
20. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBALS.
21. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
22. ONE OF THE OPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
23. CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRAMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE
24. CHRISTIANS ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE ONLY ONE WIFE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.