Sick for the Cure: My Life Story - Chapter five

by Nosferatu 1 Replies latest members adult

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    ***WARNING***

    There is a lot of course language in my autobiography. If you easily get offended by course language, you may wish to go read something else.

    Previous Chapters:

    Chapter 1: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/88236/1.ashx

    Chapter 2: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/88302/1.ashx

    Chapter 3: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/88434/1.ashx

    Chapter 4: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/88680/1.ashx

    Sorry this took so long to post, but I've been busy working on my album. I also apologize for the last chapter being such a drag. This one's better and some things start looking up. My last year of High School was fun!

    Chapter 5 - Last Year of High School

    "I just looked at the newspaper and read my bullshit horroscope. "Don't break too many hearts". Fuck you." - Yours Truly

    ==================================================================================

    After my car accident, my left hand was in incredible pain. My father told me that I probably just sprained it and it will go away in a few days. Meanwhile, I decided to make a go at a girl I kept seeing at Rum Runners:

    ****

    Aug 2, 1996
    ....Last Tuesday, I went to Rum Runners with Mike and I left out Russ. Good Thing! I sang 4 songs: You Got It, Just Like A Woman, The Boxer + All Apologies. I wasn't going to do All Apologies, but Darren, the DJ wanted me to do it. He said I sing it really good. Sky (Trina's Friend) said I sing it real damn good. I'm really having trouble trying to accept that I'm a good singer. Wait till Karaoke in School (January). I also got Trina's number....
    ....Mike also told her, which I didn't know, that I like her. I didn't even say that I liked her. She is kinda cute. I wonder though, what's that piece of plastic on her back? Listening to November Rain which I just borrowed off Russ. Trina wanted me to do this song with her. I'll tape it and copy the words. Bye at 9:55 pm.

    ****

    I had felt a piece of plastic on Trina's back when I was dancing with her. I later found out that it's a back brace. I cannot remember what her medical problem was, but she had trouble with her spine curving. She also had a really bad speech impediment, so I couldn't understand what the fuck she was saying half the time. I just went after Trina's number without hesitation.

    ****

    Aug 4, 1996
    Listening to Gasoline Alley Bred. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about Roxanne. I suddenly realized that our relationship is almost like the same as me + Bethany. I'm giving her lots and she isn't giving back hardly anything. I call her house but she never calls here. We haven't gone on a single date yet. We just spend a lot of lunch hours together. That's a Bethany Relationship. If Roxanne doesn't try to call in August, I'll probably say the hell with it. I don't want this to haunt me for 3 years. Long Cool Woman on now. Hope we don't have to go to the meeting. I want to call Trina. Today or tomorrow would be a good day to get ahold of her. Tomorrow's a holiday. Do I really want another Bethany relationship? The only thing that's different is that I talk to Beth on the phone. I only talked to Roxanne on the phone once. She was just like Bethany and didn't say much. Twice As Hard's on now. This past summer sure kicked ass with girls that I've met. There have been 9 girls, 10 if you include Roxanne....
    ....I think Russ is pissed off at me for something because he doesn't seem to want to come over. Maybe it's the girl thing. Maybe he's getting over Melanie. Maybe he's still seeing Melanie. Hope not. He's still breaking his commitments to me, as coming over, phoning, etc. People are now telling me to say "Fuck It" with Roxanne, except my sister. Mike told me "If you're not dating her, don't worry about it". The only thing I'm worried about is giving Roxanne a broken heart. I'm the first guy in her life. I know how a broken heart can feel. maybe it'll do good for her to go through it though. Her parents will see what has resulted from their supidity. Anyway, I doubt I'll get Roxanne anything for her birthday..... Unless she calls. Bye at 9:40 pm.

    ****

    Here is me thinking about life yet again. I've got some confusion running through my head, but I'm doing a bit of learning from this, which is a good thing.

    Now that I've got Trina on my mind, I've been thinking about how Roxanne will see me and Trina together and get jealous. I was incredibly excited about my last year of school. All I had was shop class, History, Computer Class and 2 spares. I made it my goal to make this the most fun year of high school. I'm still going to JW meetings.

    ****

    Aug 15, 1996
    ....Listening to Transmaniacon MC. Got a stupid talk tonite. FUCK!....

    ****

    I must clarify this. When you're a Jehovah's Witness, and you regularily go door-to-door, you can inquire about becoming an unbaptized publisher. Then you have the choice of joining the Theocratic Ministry School. I was pushed into both. When you're in the Theocratic Ministry School, you're given a subject, you have to do research in the JW publications, and write up a five minute talk to give from the stage about every 2 months on Thursday evenings. This was the very last talk I gave, and, little did I know at the time, it was also the very last meeting I attended.

    Aug 17, 1996
    Listening to The Subhuman. Lotsa stuff 2 write about. Yesterday I cut Dianne's grass. I helped Bruce get rid of his 2 old couches. He went and picked up a new couch and loveseat. He ddin't take the cover off his truck so they didn't fit in all the way. The loveseat fell out on Talbot + Watt. Ha Ha....
    ....I went to Larry's. I helped him with the Rug Doctor. We split for a 24 of Kokanee cans. I drank about 5. I was just flyin in the back yard. The special mix was goin. Each song seemed to last about 40 seconds. Then larry gave me a cigar. After the cigar, I got sick. He dragged me to take the Rug Doctor back and I was pukin out the (truck) window. Fuck did I feel horrible. After that I just sat in the back yard....
    ....After 4 hours of being sick, I was sober again. I was having another beer but I fuckin tell you, I'll never smoke again....
    ....Anyway, I'd love to say Hi to Trina and I'll call her this coming week. 9 days til school. I'd also like to say goodbye to Roxanne. There's no time left for you. Seasons change and so did I. You need not wonder why. Bye at 9:14 pm.

    ****

    I was helping my neighbor Bruce move some furniture, and my hand was still hurting bad from the car accident. I had a problem tying my shoes, and it was impossible for me to open a bag of chips. I was also helping my dad do heavy lifing in the back yard. All of this was not helping my hand.

    This was the first time I got absolutely shit-faced - on only 5 beers! I was puking in my cousin's back yard, and when he took me out for a drive, I was puking out of the side of his truck. I can hold my alcohol much better these days.

    As for the whole Roxanne thing, I heard the Guess Who song "No Time" on the radio, and it was an absolute inspiration. I was determined to find a copy of it, and I did on an 8-track I bought at a yard sale for 25 cents.

    On August 23rd, my dad finally took me to a doctor to have my wrist checked out. The doctor told me that I sprained it when I hit the steering wheel. I was prescribed a wrist support, and my wrist would get better after a month of wearing it. I doubt it healed correctly because I still have problems with it to this day.

    ****

    Aug 27, 2996
    Just had to write about the first day of school....
    ....Trina asked how old I was and I told her 18. I asked why she wanted to know. She said "Because I don't want to date anyone who is underage", so it looks like we'll end up going out. I didn't speak to Roxanne at all. I saw her when Silvan pointed her out to me and I saw her heading toward the bus behind the one I was on....
    ....Trina seems to be getting those eyes. Anyway, bye at 5:16pm.

    ****

    Ah, Roxanne's birthday. I gave her squat. I was definately seeing the buying signs from Trina, but I failed to make a move as usual.

    ****

    Sept 6, 1996
    Rain on the Scarecrow. Been another long while since I've written. Me and Trina have been spending time together like you wouldn't believe. I tried talking to Roxanne on Wed. I said "How's it goin?" She smiled. "How was your summer?" She said "Mm. Okay. Gotta go to math class" and that was it. What's her problem?....

    ****

    I decided that I wanted to take Rock Band. However, it turned out that is was extra-carricular only. I was originally thinking of trying out on guitar, but I figured that lots of people were going to be auditioning for guitar. I decided against it, and tried out for lead singer, even though nobody in the school thought I could sing after the "Proud Mary" incident.

    ****

    ....Rock band is extra-carricular. I gave Mr. Uruski a tape so he could record some songs on it he wants us to learn, then there will be auditions. He says I have a better chance if I can sing and play guitar because he needs singers. So I probably have a better chance than anyone....
    ....Roxanne's probably jealous. It pisses me off that she just ignores me when we pass each other in the halls. FUCK MAN! It happened this morning never bothered to say hi. Everyone notices that me + her aren't together no more. When they ask what happened, I just say "Nothing"....

    ****

    So, here I am trying to be friendly toward Roxanne, and she avoids me. Nice. I must say that it was for the better though. After school started, I had noticed a girl in the hallways. She stuck out like a green thumb. I thought she was the sexiest, prettiest girl I'd ever seen! As usual, I didn't make any effort to make contact.

    ****

    Sept 16, 1996
    Say Hello. Auditioned for Lead singer in Rock Band today. I don't think I did too badly. One nerdy guy did a "Me Me Meee" before every song. I did one hell of a scream which brought a big smile to Uruski's face. Today in the Library, I talked to Vanessa who used to go to Elmwood. She has a friend named Stephanie and I think she likes me. Anyway, that's today's big highlight. I hope I make it. Bye at 5:17pm.

    ****

    The songs we had to learn for Rock Band were "She" by Green Day, and "Santa Monica" by Everclear. I wrote out the lyrics and brought them with me to my audition. Nobody else had brought the lyrics with them. I bet they spent days trying to memorize them. I thought that would be incredibly stupid for just an audition. All 4 singers who were auditioning borrowed my lyric sheets.

    ****

    Sept 18, 1996
    FUCK I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I am the lead singer for this year's rock band! Little nerdy guy didn't make it! Another guy, Brett was pretty pissed off. Don, in my History class congradulated me. Nobody believes I'm the singer! I'm still laughing, literally! Ha Ha! Ha! Ha Ha Ha! Oh Shit! Jesus! Oh Man! Oh God! I still can't believe it! This year is going so perfectly. It's like a dream!....

    ****

    You know, writing an autobiography is fucking amazing. I just felt the excitement all over again! Anyway, I told everyone I knew that I made it as the lead singer, and everyone didn't believe me, especially after my Proud Mary preformance the year before. I clearly remember one guy in my shop class saying "How could you? You suck!" I had also written an article for the school newspaper about the Rock Band mentioning the band members, but it has long since disappeared (to my knowledge). We ended up doing a cover of "All Apologies" in Rock Band.

    Meanwhile in the land of Russ, he had met his first attention whore:

    ****

    We went to Rum Runners on Saturday. Russ was handing Mercedes money left and right for food and drinks. He even let her friend borrow $10.00. Fuck is he stupid! I think Mercedes likes me more, but she knows I won't fall for her shit. It was sickening. Russ wants to go to Club Lambada next Saturday. Fuck Him! I'm taking Mike....
    ....When Russ runs out of money, there will be no more Mercedes. I don't know how Russ does it, but he ends up with all the bitches. She was all over me on Saturday, but I will not go for her. She knows I'm not a sucker. It's pretty bad when she has to bum smokes off the band members....

    ****

    I love reading this. I've gained so much knowledge since then, and I know exactly what the hell is going on. She's using Russ for his money, but she hasn't managed to sucker me in. She's kinda intrigued by me standing my ground and not letting her sucker me in. If I had a bit more experience with women, I probably could've gotten laid by her. Don't get me wrong, she was attractive, but even back then I didn't pay for attention. I have no clue how much money in total Russ let himself get screwed out of. She promised to pay him back. She didn't.

    Here is where I'm learning the art of NOT WAITING:

    ****

    ....I just looked at the newspaper and read my bullshit horroscope. "Don't break too many hearts". Fuck you. That's a good one for Roxanne. I might talk to her in a couple of weeks... maybe....
    ....Russ is definately not going to get his $30.00 back from Mercedes. Boy did she ever take him for a ride! I'm glad I never fell for that bitch....
    ....It is 2:02 pm. Hope Trina comes. If not, I go eat lunch. If so, I go eat lunch....
    ....Where's Trina? No Trina today? I'll wait till the end of break. Fuck, I'm hungry. I need some food. What the hell, I'm going now. See ya later. Bye at 2:07 pm.

    ****

    I had noticed that my mother had been snooping in my room again. I had written about it quite a few times, but I didn't think it was worth mentioning. I would notice things moved around in my room, and my phone was being played with. This time, my mother had accused me of taking a pair of her clipon earrings. Also, a lot of my ramblings about Trina are not worth mentioning in here.

    Even though I didn't write about it, there was one particular day in early October when we had wet snow. I was on the packed bus going home, and the hot girl I had noticed in school was standing right beside me, hanging onto the same pole as me. I was fucking nervous. I was trying to figure out what to say to her, but I couldn't muster up the courage to speak. She accidently touched my hand while hanging onto the pole. She didn't apologize or anything. Neither did I. We ended up sitting next to each other after a few people got off. I was still nervous as shit. We got downtown, and she got off the bus. SHIT!! I kept on missing opportunities to talk to this hottie.

    ****

    Oct 8, 1996
    ....Things this year are definately looking up. I haven't gone to a meeting since my last talk and my dad hasn't gone since the convention. He doesn't say anything about God anymore. I think he sees that i really don't care about the religion and I guess he doesn't either, so I guess we're dumping out of it together....

    ****

    So, I'm finally no longer associating with the Jehovah's Witnesses. Thank God!

    ****

    Oct 10, 1996
    Back here at the fucking Library. Tuesday nite at Rum Runners was okay. Me and Trina got up to do "November Rain". I did dance with her - twice, but I really wasn't all that happy. Depression came over me and I have no clue why. I guess it's kinda like those stupid gatherings mom used to drag me to and I couldn't stand them. I was never happy at them. I'm so out of place from those religious bastards my age, it's sickening. They like all the current music, I like all the old shit. They like video games and I like making cheezy programs on a Commodore 64. I haven't really found anyone with a lot of the same interests as me - except Chris (a friend in my electronics class). Anyway, I've been quite depressed for the past couple of days, it gives me the thirst for killing myself again....

    ****

    Here I am battling depression again. The good thing is that I'm realizing why I'm depressed. I had grown accustomed to being depressed at large gatherings (usually Jehovah Witness gatherings). The only thing I have to do is make an effort to reverse it. This didn't happen until years later.

    ****

    Oct. 20, 1996
    Listening to "Custard Pie" on a Sunday. Lotsa things to write about. Last night I went to Rum Runners. It was Karaoke. Becky (Storm) was there. AJ was there. There was a girl named Liz sitting next to me. She didn't pay much attention to me. I went up and sang "December" and "All Apologies". After that, I got a lot of attention. Liz introduced herself....
    ....I also met Kim who goes to Tec. During the week, I met the attractive "Renee" who I kinda had an eye on ever since school started. She kept telling me "You're so mean" and I wasn't being mean at all....
    ....Hope I get a date with Renee. Trina will be jealous. I noticed she gets jealous when I'm with other girls. But she's seeing that Erin guy....

    ****

    Okay, I have to tell you about how I met Renee. Me and my friend Vanessa were sitting on the bus listening to Guns N Roses in her walkman. Renee was sitting in front of us eating a cookie she bought from the school bakery. They come in packages of 12. Vanessa said "Excuse me, but could I trouble you for one of those cookies?" Renee said "sure" and gave her one. She also offered me one, but I declined.

    When we were getting off the bus, Renee was giving a cookie to someone else. Here's my opportunity! "Look, now she's giving cookies out to everybody!" Real fucking smooth. After I got off the bus, I though that was the goddam stupidest thing anybody could ever say.

    Later in the week, Renee sat down in the library at my table while I was reading "Come As You Are: The Story Of Nirvana". She arrived with the loser guy that used to hang around with Roxanne. Me and Renee actually started a conversation. Of course, I was somewhat nervous talking to this attractive hottie.

    Another thing of noteable mention, my dad had started following in the steps of his friend Eddie. My dad was trying to do the "buying & selling" thing that Eddie was doing. Basically, it's just finding old junk at garage sales and selling them at an auction. I came across an old wind-up record player for $10, and I bought it. My dad pestered the shit out of me to sell it at the auction, and he kept telling me that we could get big bucks for it. It only sold for $65. My dad also sold the wood stove that used to be in my grandparents' house. It sold for $125. I'm pissed off to this day that he sold it. I have no memorabilia left of my grandparents.

    ****

    Oct 21, 1996
    Talked to Renee today. Trina got in shit from Miss Bouchard and that's probably why I didn't see her at the end of the day. I got on the bus and met Renee. I heard her say that I was the hottest guy in the world. I said "what?" She said "Nothing". I mentioned that I liked Blue Oyster Cult. She said she had a couple of their albums! I couldn't fucking believe it! She loves Janis Joplin. After I mentioned BOC, we really started talking. I think she likes me quite a bit. She has really nice blue eyes. Fuck she's cute and she's 16. The school newspaper came out today. I took 2 copies. I'll send one to my sister because it has an article I wrote in it. Anyway, bye at 5:00pm. See ya soon Renee!

    ****

    Okay, I'm already in love. Someone else who likes BOC? I had thought all the hot girls liked that Spice Girl shit, but here's one who's into my kind of music!

    Here's where I get really stupid:

    ****

    Oct 23, 1996
    Fuck, I had to babysit Reid last night....
    ....I got really bored and decided to scrape the BOC symbol on my left arm. First I drew it. Then I scraped on top of it with a small flat head screwdriver. It didn't hurt much....
    ....I haven't seen Renee yet. I might ask her out. I think she really likes me. She's 16 yrs old with beautiful blue eyes. She likes picking shit up at garage sales, like me....

    ****

    I had developed a problem with self-inflicted pain. I recall scratching a big wound on my hand, being bored as hell during the convention. The scar is still there. However, the BOC logo has faded a long time ago. Another dumb thing I did was carve "I Love Renee" into my arm. Whenever I get a tan, the scar vaguely shows up.

    ****

    Oct 26, 1996
    Seems like a long time since I wrote. Lots has happened in the past couple of days. On Thursday, I got Renee's number. I also saw some of her drawings. She's one hell of a good artist! Also, she's not 16. She's 15. She sure doesn't act like 15. She tells me a lot of people pick on her because she dresses like a slut. She's worried that her problems might become mine. I told her that I won't stop liking her just because other people don't. Yesterday (Friday) we had a day off and I ended up spending the afternoon with her. While I was waiting for her, I ran into Santana. He met her, but I wonder what he thought of her. We had lots of fun going through the videos and magazines at Red River Bookshop. I told her she's a really cool person to hang out with. She asked me today what color my eyes were and I told her I had to look in the mirror. I said I don't pay much attention to myself. She said "You don't know what you're missing". You can tell she likes me. I hugged her before we split yesterday. She liked that....
    ....We've become very good friends within the past couple of days. She really likes having me around. She hopes we'll be friends for a long time. She's very good looking. If we start dating, Roxanne will be very Jealous. Anyway, bye at 8:40 pm.

    ****

    A couple things I have to mention. Hanging around with Trina and her friends had a very positive effect on me. All her friends hug each other. Because of this, I started getting used to being "touchy" with women.

    Now, I was completely tired of just being friends with women. While Me and Renee were in Red River Bookshop, I said to myself "I gotta let this girl know I like her more than just a friend". While Renee was looking at a video, I made like I was leaning on her shoulder looking at the video as well. I was a bit nervous, but she didn't detest. She didn't say anything. Also, when I was bending down looking at videos, I was able to scope out her nice ass. I had no problem giving her a hug before she got on her bus. What was the result?

    ****

    Oct 17, 1996
    Renee likes me more than a friend! I can't believe it. I told her I like her a lot too. We are now planning a date. Friday nite go see a movie. Cool! She wants to go out with me....

    ****

    This is the first time in my life that I got a date with a girl that I really had the hots for. Now in my journal entries, I start going on about how much I love Renee, and how she's the perfect girl. You know, the typical love shit.

    October 31 was the Halloween Dance. Renee dressed up as a French Maid. It was a fucking sexy costume. However, she told me that other girls were picking on her because of her costume. She seemed to have an incredible problem with being picked on in school. I figured I'd be the one she runs to. This was the first day that me and Renee held hands. I was creamin' my pants. I was in heaven.

    I had also become friends with Renee's sister Jenn. After the Halloween dance, I met Jenn's boyfriend Sheldon. He was dressed up as Peter Criss from KISS. We went over to Sheldon's parents house afterward, and all we did was sit, talk, and listen to music. This is when I had really noticed how fucking huge Renee's breasts were.

    ****

    Nov 4, 1996
    Friday, Me + Renee went to a movie. It really sucked....
    ....While we were waiting in the bus shack, we saw a puddle of puke and we were trying to guess what it was. Yesterday, I must have talked to her for 3 hours. She's not here today, but her sister gave me the BOC ETL and the Led Zeppelin Coda [albums]. After I finish this, I'm going to go have lunch and then go home. I wonder what Roxanne will think about me and Renee dating. I told her about mom's religion. Those bastards (the Elders) are after me for not being at a meeting for so long. Sheldon's pretty cool. Me and him have quite a bit in common. I have like 60 bucks coming my way. Renee said she was going to buy me a present and so I gave her some hints on what I like. She didn't give me any hints so I will have lots of fun shopping for her. She wants a picture of me, and I want a picture of her....

    ****

    The excuse I had begun telling my mother to go out with Renee is "I'm going to my friend Chris's house". She seemed to buy it every time.

    ****

    Nov 5, 1996
    Listening to "Veteran of the Psychic Wars". Thanks to Renee for letting me borrow ETL. 8:18pm. Me and Renee sat behind Roxanne on the bus. Renee says she's jealous because Roxanne's so good looking. Renee came and hung out in Electronics a bit today. Basically everyone knows who she is now. FUCK I love this song! Where the hell has Russ been? I haven't talked to him for like a week. Is he going out with Melanie again? Or is he working? Or is he dating some9one else? Fuck who knows. If I tell him that Renee paid for our date last Friday, he'll be pissed off since Mercedes hasn't paid him back his $40.00. I tell Renee she's good looking but she doesn't believe me. She seems to think she is not worthy of anything from me. She wants to buy me a Christmas Gift but she doesn't want me to buy her one. I wonder why she's like that. She's very sweet. She calls me now. Actually, Jen calls for her because she's scared of my mom. I don't mind. Yesterday I waited with Jen for the bus. Roxanne was there too - ha ha. She said that Sheldon thinks I'm pretty cool. I asked [Jen] if I was one of the better guys who have gone out with Renee. Roxanne sturned her head. Jen said that I had no idea what kind of people she went out with. Anyway, bye at 8:37pm. Renee likes my green eyes.
    Nov 6, 1996
    Renee went to the washroom. I'm in the library at 1:04 pm ........ Jen and Sheldon will be going to Red River Bookshop after this period ........ In Rock band, we have been invited to play at Ozzie's on the 29th. I gotta start memorizing those fucking songs. Mr. Uruski said that this is the best band we've ever had. Fuck will mom ever be surprised if she sees me up there singing. Gel sounds really good........
    .... Renee drew me a picture with the BOC symbol. It looks really cool.....
    Nov 15, 1996
    ....I'm still laughing about what Jenn said to me and Renee "After a while, all that giggling and laughing will stop and then you'll fuck." It probably won't be long until that happens. She hates Trojans but that's all I got....
    Nov 23, 1996
    It's Saturday and Renee wants me to come over. There's nobody but her home. Is it possible I'll lose my you know what today?.....
    .....Can't wait. I gave myself a crash course on sex by popping in a porno this morning. Will she have a condom or will I have to use mine? Wait. I don't even know what's going to happen there....
    Nov 25, 1996
    ....I'm making Renee a videotape of Me for Christmas. She thinks I'm getting her a picture of me. I'll probably get her that Black Sabbath CD too. I was thinking of getting some crystal art, but I'll probably save that for her birthday.....
    ....Renee calls me her little hedgehog. I call her my little squeak toy. She must have said "You're so cute" about 150 times on Saturday. Tongue wrestling is cool. I'll get to see her in 10 minutes. She doesn't like her face being touched. There's a reason but she won't tell me what it is.... yet. New BOC [album] in a few months. You bet your ass I'll be the first to get it.

    ****

    Just to clarify, Trina's best friend's name is Sky

    ****

    Nov 27, 1996
    Sky is in the hospital. Trina wants me to go there with her, but I have a bad feeling about it. My depressing state is haunting me and I have no desire to get away from the house today. If I go, it will hit me. I'll ask for the info so I can go see her on my own time with either Russ, Renee or by myself....
    .... Me + Renee might catch a movie next Friday. Our one month anniversary this Sunday....

    ****

    On November 29th, I played my show with the high school rock band. My mother had no idea that I was singing. I told her that I would be playing guitar. She was absolutely shocked that I did the singing. Now, I start facing issues with the JW requirements.

    ****

    Nov. 30, 1996
    I'm in a real shitty mood. Mom won't shut the fuck up about our show yesterday. We rocked. Anyway, Rick (a JW elder) called a while ago, 2:45 to be exact (3:05 now) and he wants to talk to me about why I haven't been at the meetings. I need some encouragement from Renee. I'm probably going over there tomorrow. Rick is coming 7:00 pm Monday. I have to prepare myself for it. I want to quit the JWs and stay with Renee and it will improve my life a hell of a lot. But then, I don't want to hurt his feelings. Good thing it's not John (the guy who studied with me). That would make it real difficult. I hate this....

    ****

    In order to prepare for my "Shepharding Call", I listened to some Blue Oyster Cult to calm me down.

    ****

    Dec 2, 1996
    The two witnesses are coming over today at 7:00. I was in a shitty mood all day and I only got 4 hours sleep last night. Renee noticed that I was in a shitty mood. But she can always make me smile. I was feeling kinda down. I took the 10 with her, then caught the 12. I had to run into that bitch Melanie (Russ' girlfriend) on the bus. Fuck I hate her. She said her and Russ have been together all along. I knew something was up. She said "I must be doing something right because he keeps coming back to me." Russ has a real weakness for the opposite sex. "I know you don't like me for some reason. Terry [Russ' brother] is filling your head full of shit. I know. It's because I steal Russ away from you. I can make him do anything I want him to do." The bitch probably made Russ break his plans with me all those times. "Tell Russ to call me when you get home" FUCK YOU! Do it yourself! Renee is right, she is ugly. I hate that. I'll tell Russ he should break up with that bitch. I have no idea what he sees in her. Renee is way prettier and a hell of a lot more considerate than her. Bitch. I would never go for her. I had a feeling Russ had someone since he hasn't been home very much. He probably fucked her by now. I failed telling [Melanie] my true feelings about [her] today. I almost did. I didn't want to feel more shitty than I already did. I must prepare for tonight. I won't tell russ, let him talk first....

    ****

    So, my shepharding call was the usual. Pray, discuss, look up some bible scriptures, discuss, leave. Here's the details I wrote:

    ****

    Dec 3, 1996
    ....Yesterday went really well with Rick and Ted (JW Elders). Rick looked like he was ready to cry. Ted told me if I don't stay with the religion, I'm toast........ I'm very glad I'm free from all that pressure that came with the religion.

    ****

    Basically, what happened was that I was asked if I still wanted to be an unbaptized publisher. I gave them a "not right now anyway" just to give them the hope that I would come back. It was then that Rick's eyes filled up with tears. The following Thursday, it was announced from the platform that I was no longer an unbaptized publisher. I didn't really give a shit. I was free! At this point I just wanted to leave all of my JW past behind me. I wanted to just forget about it, but I had no clue the scars would remain.

    Meanwhile, in school, Renee was having problems with an ugly bitch who was constantly teasing her.

    ****

    Dec 5, 1996
    Yesterday in shops we ordered pizza and I brought my guitar. We were sitting there and suddenly I heard shit go flying. I thought, "Uh oh, Renee got pissed off at that fat bitch." I was right. Renee threw two chairs, a screwdriver, a circuit board and a pair of pliers which hit Mr. Rollick. Renee got suspended for 4 days along with the other bitch. I brought Renee her backpack at the end of the day. Her eyes were all puffy. I felt so bad for her. She got upset when we were heading toward the bus stop and said some things to me....

    ****

    What Renee said was "I don't think we should go out anymore because it seems my bad luck is rubbing off on you."

    ****

    ....I nearly cried. But Jen calmed her down and Renee took my hand. I forgive her. People said things to me which kinda pissed me off. Toomer told me to wear hockey padding when I go to her house. I told him to fuck off. Hanuschuk (the teacher) told me to be careful with her, or around her. I told him that he has no Idea what she has gone through. I went to Renee's last night which cheered her up. Her dad drove me home....
    ....I don't blame Renee for bursting out at that bitch. I've gone through shit at school but I kept everything inside. Last night I told her what I went through in Grade 7. She told me about her worst experience, which I won't even write in here about in case anybody finds this. It's a total secret and far too personal to write about. I cried after she told me about it. Bye at 8:23pm.

    ****

    Although I won't go into detail about Renee's secret, she basically told me about the sexual abuse she suffered.

    Since Christmas time was rolling around, I had to get everything ready for my first Christmas since I was five years old. I got Russ to help me make a video tape for Renee. When I look back on the video now, I laugh my ass off. It's one of the funniest fucking things I've ever done! I actually got her some cheap crystal art - a swan. The thing was actually really nice.

    Renee was dogging me about spending money on her, so I made a joke out of it. In the video, I show the box that the gift was in, and attached a fake price tag on it that said $149.99. Since she wanted a picture of me, I made a slide show of pictures of me in the past. I also made credits for the video on my Commodore 64 to put at the end of the video. I then did a cameo of myself at the end making fun of the "It's Patrick!! He took out life insurance" commercial. Since I knew Renee was going to ask for clues about her birthday gifts, I bought some glow-in-the-dark paint and put it around the windows on the video tape. Since she was into creepy, dismal stuff, I bought her a skull candle holder.

    Also, Renee gave me too many clues about the gift she bought me.

    ****

    Dec 24, 1996
    Yeah, it's almost been a month since I wrote. I never wrote about when Me and Renee were on the couch and all the buttons on her shirt came undone. She went to change it but turned around and flashed me. She left today for Dryden (a little town in Ontario) and it is really fucking boring right now. Her mom got me a gift. I can guess what Renee got me. A flag of either Led Zeppelin or The Doors. I told her one of her gifts glows in the dark (the video). I also bought her a swan with crystals in its wings. She's going to call tomorrow. This morning she called before she left and Mom was up here so I couldn't tell her I love her. I fucking hate my mom. About Darren: this guy likes a lot of the same music I like. On the day of our last exam, he took me + Renee's numbers. He's called Renee a few times, but he hasn't called me once. I think he has a crush on her. If he dare touches her, I'll kill him. For some reason, I didn't like him since the day I met him and that was before I met Renee. Anyway, bye at 9:17pm. Wait - I found out Russ is still with Melanie. What a stupid jerk!

    ****

    Darren was this loser guy that tried to hang out with us. He was fucking ugly, dorky, and had this big brown stain on the front of his teeth from smoking too much.

    ****

    Dec 29, 1996
    Listening to Fire of Unknown Origin at 11:37am. There is a high suspicion that Russell's Mom is dead. My dad said yesterday that an ambulance came and took Russell's mom away. This morning Linda (a neighbor) phoned and said that she heard that his mom was dead. Where was Russ when this happened? Melanie's probably. Yesterday I went to Larry's. I had a acouple beers, gave him his Elvis tape, showed him the Christmas video I made for Renee. Asshole Darren hasn't called yet. Not even a Merry Christmas. Renee's supposed to be back tomorrow. I can't wait. I should phone Russell. Shit, I'm really starting to wonder. If Russ ain't home, I'll phone Joanne (Russ' sister). Mom was up here yesterday. I found the cushon for my chair on my bed. Fuck, I don't know. Anyway, bye at 11:38 am.
    12:56pm. Just got off the phone with Russ. It's true. She died of a heart attack. The whole family's over except for one sister, deciding when to have the funeral, how to do the obituary, etc. Anyway, bye at 12:57pm.

    ****

    Now came the time where I realized how fucked up Russ' family was. His brother, Rick, believed that he could communicate with Russ' dead mother. Apparently when there were candles lit, they would suddenly go out on their own. Also, according to Russ' brother, she wanted a candle and a cigarette lit at the kitchen table every evening. In light of all this, Russ' other brother, Terry, also believed he could communicate with Russ' dead mother. I had a recording of Russ having a conversation with his mother through Terry. The conversation was about how Russ was trying to look like Kurt Cobain. I can still clearly remember him saying "Don't lie to me!" It all kinda freaked me out how his family was going insane.

    December 31st, I went over to Renee's place to do the countdown to the new year. Renee was crawling all over me and kissing me, and her mother got pissed off at her and apparently gave her shit for acting like a slut.

    On January 1st was Russell's Mother's funeral. I was asked to house-sit for them while they went to the funeral. I gladly accepted. While I was there, I phoned Renee. Her sister Jenn picked up. She told me that Renee was really upset about what her mother said and not to take anything Renee says seriously. Renee got onto the whole "I think we should break up because bla bla bla. I hope you understand". I took to heart what Jen had told me and said "okay". I was a bit nervous about the whole thing, but I kept reminding myself of what Jen said.

    When I got home, my mother was pissed off because some girl named Jennifer left a couple of messages on the answering machine. Jen said it was important that I phoned her. When I did, Renee apologized and said she really didn't want to break up with me.

    ****

    Jan 3, 1997
    first entry of '97. My guess of Renee's gift was completely accurate. It was a Led Zeppelin flag. Her mom got me a Tom + Jerry T-shirt. Anyway, Russell's family is going crazy. Terry thinks he has contact with Russell's Mom. I'm going to Renee's today. She told me that Sheldon told her "If someone wanted to go through all that work to make a video, just to make you laugh, then he's a very special person. Don't let go of him". They loved the video! Renee loved all her other gifts too....
    ....She also told me last night she wants to meet my mom and get it over with. This year the convention's in Brandon, so Mom will be gone for 3 days! Me and Renee will have a blast. I should write in here more often. Anyway, bye at 10:09am.

    ****

    I was eagerly anticipating the Karaoke contest at school. I was excited about showing the world (or at least my school) that I COULD sing.

    Around this time, I started realizing that there was something wrong with me psychologically. Everytime someone near me would raise their hand really quick (ie. to scratch their head), I would flinch or duck. Years later (thanks to Gary Busselman on JWD) I found out that this condition was called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I knew I got it from all the physical abuse I suffered at home and in school, but I didn't know exactly what it was or how to get rid of it.

    Whenever I had this occur, people would usually ask, "What? Did you think I was going to hit you?" How do you respond to a question like that when you don't know what's wrong with you?

    ****

    Jan 8, 1997
    Karaoke will be from the 21 - 23, I think........ Yesterday I went to Renee's. My depression mood hit me. She was acting kinda strange herself. Before I left she put her arms around me. She called Darren a fucking asshole. I wonder why? I'll ask her tonite. I didn't really talk to her yesterday because she had a headache.....
    ....Me and Renee have been going out for a little over 2 months and it couldn't be stronger. Unlike Becky, she knows things don't last forever. She never says we'll be together forever. She said that in the beginning, she didn't think we would last very long....
    ....What really pisses me off about Darren is that he has called Renee quite a few times and he hasn't called me once. I basically don't give a shit if she talks to him, but I really think that he's got a crush on her....
    ....My fucking reaction (PTSD) appeared again yesterday in shops. I fucking hate it. I feel really bad when it happens around Renee. She says she understands, but she doesn't know what it's like. Hanuschuk told me the day we came back that he was sorry for what he said [about Renee]. He said "I didn't mean be careful around Renee, but be careful in general." What the fuck is that supposed to mean? It still upsets me a hell of a lot. Renee is still pissed off at him and I do not fucking blame her.....
    ....I miss my fucking car. I'll probably get one in the Spring and I can go to Renee's whenever I fucking feel like it. If we ever broke up, I'd not only miss her, I'd miss her family. Anyway, bye at 1:56pm.
    Jan 9, 1997
    Listening to "Drive" at 8:22pm. I'm scared. Renee told me today that Kim told her that Darren has a crush on her. I think she was talking to him when I called her, cause she said "Hang on a second" and hung up on the person on the other line. I love Renee a lot, but I'm still scared. She said she likes to give everyone a chance. I'll be devastated if she leaves me. Anyway, bye at 8:25pm.
    Jan 16, 1997
    I'm fucking scared it's falling apart between Me + Renee. Some other guy that Kim introduced her to is dying to go out with her. Renee's very pissed off at me. She wants me to be at her place more often so I've made a promise to her that I would. She didn't believe me, though. I'm going to her place today with Jen and hopefully we can patch it up. Another thing I'm pissed off about is that Adley goof (one of the other guys who auditioned for lead singer). He came to Mr. Uruski with his lousy lyrics and wanted to contribute to Rock Band. So I might end up singing his lousy lyrics. Actually, I'll refuse it. If all I'm contributing is my voice, then I'm not worth fuck all....
    Jan 18, 1997
    Renee phoned at 11:59 to break up with me. She didn't really tell me a good reason. I'm not giving up. She says she still cares for me, but I don't get it. I have a feeling she'll reconsider. I NEED to talk to Jen. I was trying to remember Sheldon's last name but I couldn't. Jen + Sheldon will straighten her out. I desperately need to talk to either one of them. Anyway, bye at 1:27pm.

    ****

    Like you didn't see it coming.

    What I've noticed from even myself is when I'm making a phone call, and I'm nervous, I'll watch the clock which is what I'm guessing Renee did since she phoned at almost exactly noon. And if you're wondering, yes, I cried. I was so sure that this was meant to be. I was so sure that she was the one for me. I was so sure that I'd lose my virginity to her. She was the only one special enough for me to give it away. I felt incredibly lost.

    The next day (Jan 19) I went over to Renee's place to meet up with Jen. We planned to spend the day at Sheldon's place. Renee's parents were sitting there. I brought a card for Renee and asked them to give it to her (lord knows what I wrote in the card). Her parents said they still consider me a friend of the family which was nice. Going over to Sheldon's made me feel a bit better. It was good to have someone there to talk to and make me laugh. From that day on, I continued to develope a friendship with Sheldon & Jen.

    The following Tuesday (Jan 21) was the Karaoke Contest. I was still extremely heart-broken. Renee came up to me and tried the "still be friends" bullshit on me. I didn't want to talk to her, but I felt more compelled to get my ass up on stage and put on a damn good performance. The first song I chose to do was Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven". Quite a long song to do, but I did a fantastic job! However, I lost to a guy who sang "She Talks to Angels" by the Black Crowes.

    On Wednesday, I decided to give it another shot. I sang "Patience" by Guns N Roses, and did yet another fantastic job! The thing that really pissed me off was I lost to a guy who sang "Billie Jean". Actually, the guy couldn't sing, but he did some fancy dancing in the middle of it. So much for it being a Karaoke contest. Jen told me that I was the best singer that day, and I should have won. That same day, I found out I had groupies. There were a total of 3 girls who would make an effort to talk to me because of my performance! Yes, things started looking up a bit.

    One thing that I forgot to mention is that Renee was an aquaintance with this girl named Laura. Laura told Renee that she thought I was hot (which pissed Renee off). Basically, after Renee was out of the picture, Laura started moving in.

    ****

    Jan 30, 1997
    Looking for a new woman. Laura seems to like me but I don't know. Bar this weekend. Maybe I'll give Liz my number. Hope there's Karaoke. Today, things got really fucked up in computers. I was sitting there and two girls came in and sat at the computer next to me. I tried making conversation with them, but they kinda ignored me. At the end, Kirby told me that she was a Jehovah's Witness. SHIT!....

    ****

    What''s funny is one of the girls I was trying to talk to comes to the Ex-Jehovah's Witness meetup almost every month.

    ****

    ....Yesterday I tried to hang out with Renee, Darren, Kim, and Laura. I only felt worse after. I can't hang around with Renee. Everytime I look at her, it hurts me. Valentine's day is coming. I've never had a girlfriend near Valentine's day. This sucks. Anyway, bye at 1:59pm.

    ****

    So, now I've discovered that the "let's be friends" thing really doesn't work. Renee and Darren were playfighting, and it just tore me up inside. After that, I started avoiding Renee like the plague.

    ****

    Feb 2, 1997
    Listening to "Dance" on 97.5 FM at 9:18pm. Yesterday I saw Becky at Value Village with some guy. She died her hair black and lost a lot of weight. I talked to Silvan last night and told him I might go for TRISH. I can't hang around Renee. It depresses me....
    ....Rum Runners is gone. Need new bar. That pisses me off. No car, no girl, no bar. I'm back at fuckin 0. Anyway, hope I see Trish tomorow. Bye at 9:20pm.
    Feb 7, 1997
    Listening to "Poison" on my new $2.00 Alice Cooper CD. Things are weird. Laura told me today that Renee wants to tell me something. She asked me if I would ever go back to her. Then she asked me who broke it up. She said Renee's been wanting to talk to me for a whole week. She asked me why I haven't called her. I told her that she hasn't called me either. Today Laura's friend Rachel asked me "Do you like Laura?" I didn't give her a very good answer, which is good. I told her "She seems like a decent person". She said "You confuse me". It's obvious that laura wants to go out with me, but we have nothing in common. I don't have any desire to go out with her. Here's how I see it: Renee may want to ask me back out and she told Laura, so Laura wants to grab me before I go back to Renee. That's my guess. Renee's probably going to call. The way she'll do it is to get Jenn, Laurie or Sheldon to call first. [Laura] came into the shop yesterday which really surprised me. Everyone thinks that I'm going to go for Laura, but I won't. She acts her age - 15....
    Feb 9, 1997
    Listening to "Elvis on Velvet" at 9:31pm. I woke up this morning and decided "It's time to move on"......... Laura didn't call today. I think she knows that I really don't want to go out with her......... Yesterday I told Laura I had a toilet in my room and played her the sound effect....

    ****

    Some clarification on the following post. Little did I know, the Winter Concert (which was in the school gymnasium) was significant. During the concert, a band called "Evening of Strange" played 2 songs: "Fortunate Son", and a song called "Straight In The Ass".

    Another thing that was significant was Renee's first guy after me. I wrote a song for Rock Band called "14 Days" which was basically a reference to Renee's two week relationship. The rest of the song is about the hardships of being a Jehovah's Witness, but not wanting to be one. Here's the lyrics:

    I'm locked up in a cage

    I'm always full of rage

    The pressure of it all

    Weighs like a red brick wall

    Hoping to end this phase

    Waiting for 14 days

    Frustrated, don't know why

    14 days 'till I die

    I wrote these lyrics (which were incomplete) for a riff that one of the guitar players came up with. The riff didn't work out, and the other guitar player decided we should do a really fast punk song. I asked, "What about the lyrics?" He said, "Just use what you have". He said, "For the chorus, just sing Oi! Oi! Oi!" The song was completed in five minutes, and it went over extremely well at our concerts.

    ****

    Feb 13, 1997.
    Today sucks. I had history and then we had to go to this lousy winter concert. It was very boring. I have a craving for a smoke. I have to stick around for my spares because I'm supposed to meet Sheldon downtown. Yesterday I found out some things about Renee. She had been going out with some guy for two weeks and then he cheated on her. She said she really liked him, but he's an asshole. I thought it was a little humorous, but I kinda feel sorry for her. This morning she seemed really happy....
    ....Anyway, last night I was talking to Silvan on the phone. Mom comes upstairs and starts pressing buttons on my fucking phone. I asked her "Why do you have to be so ignorant?" She said "Don't talk to me like that. You don't treat me with respect." I said "Neither do you, pressing buttons on my phone." She said "How would you like it if I treated you with no respect in front of Sheldon?" I said "go ahead, I don't care!" I know Sheldon wouldn't put up with shit like that. Did I mention the 3 reasons that Renee broke up with me?
    1) She didn't have the same feelings for me that I had for her, and she felt bad about it.
    2) She didn't feel like dating anyone at the time.
    3) We weren't getting along.
    The last two are major bullshit. The night before everything was fine and she was making comments of how I had a nice butt. We kissed, hugged and said goodbye. The next day I get the phone call. Now she's fuckin' up. Roxanne's in here but she's too much of a snotty bitch to come and say "hi"....
    ....I don't know when the Valentine's day dance ends, but I really don't care. Valentine's day sucks. The good thing about it is I don't have to spend any money. Me and Laura were beating the crap out of each other yesterday in shop class. Anyway, bye at 12:58pm.

    ****

    Mar 5, 1997
    Been a fuckin long time since I've written. I've been able to avoid Renee all day. It's her birthday today. She's going out with another guy I call "Pinball Wizard". He held Renee, Jen, and Sheldon up for 2 hours (at the mall) playing a fuckin pinball game........ Wizard went to Renee's and played pinball on her dad's computer for 6 hours - with headphones on! What an asshole! I never did that!....
    ....Laura has a boyfriend and is not chasing after me as badly. I'm after either Trish or Joelle. Joelle and Dennis' sister Carla were at the show on Saturday. That was a fucking wicked show! Don't need to write about it because it's on video. After, me and Stacy (my cousin) went over to the other side [of the bar] and got smashed. We came in 2nd place which isn't too bad. It looks like Renee's got no friends.....

    ****

    A note worthy of mention is that Joelle and Carla were Jehovah's Witnesses (and not very good ones since they came to my show). It seemed that I just couldn't escape the JWs.

    On March 6, 1997, I was at Sheldon's place and he said that he had something to tell me about Renee. Something that might freak me out. Renee started dating another girl. That hit me like a brick, and tell me what guy wouldn't freak out finding out his ex turned Lesbian.

    ****

    Mar 12, 1997
    ....Jen + Sheldon are engaged but don't have no rings. Sheldon wants me to help out with the wedding....

    ****

    Around this time, I was doing a lot of talking to Russ' brother Terry who lived across the back lane from me. Apparently, Russ and Melanie had broken up and got back together. According to Terry, Melanie was pregnant with Russ' baby. It turned out to be bullshit.

    One thing that I didn't mention was Jen + Sheldon were going to get KISS tickets, and I wanted to go. I gave them the money and they picked up the tickets for me. They were lucky to get them because KISS sold out in 45 minutes. This was my first real rock concert.

    ****

    Apr 30, 1997
    ....KISS was fucking wicked! Explosions, fire, it was awesome! You could get stoned off the pot fumes. This Guy Matt invited me into his band to be a singer. COOL! But this is the best - Roxanne [a different girl named Roxanne I knew] is setting me up with Ramona. I didn't know this was going on. She has a note for me. Her mom's a Jehovah's Witness and doesn't want Ramona who is 22 to date any worldly guys. She's supposed to explain it all in a letter, but she does want to go out with me.....
    ....Renee was in a fucking horrible mood today - but I wasn't the victim of that.... Darren was! Fuck he's annoying! Apparently Renee has another boyfriend. She'll never keep any relationship going. Ramona told me that she never dumps anyone. The guys always do the dumping - mostly because of her mother! I'm used to it so I'll have no problem dealing with this mother. Maybe I will. Summer Daze CD is coming out with 3 BOC songs on it and I gotta get it....
    ....I dedcided I'm not going to grow my hair long after all. It's pissing me off. Anyway, I should go now at 8:25pm. Bye.
    May 12, 1997
    ....The dude with the glasses from Evening Of Strange gave me a tape with a bunch of their songs on it. I'll probably be writing a shit load of lyrics tonite. Hope we'll be ready for the talent show on the 30th. It is being put together by Kids TV on channel 12. Hopefully we'll be on TV....
    ....Everyone notices my haircut. Ramona says it looks better. I need to meet some chicks. I need a girlfriend. But I'll never get one because I'm far too groovy. Just kidding....

    ****

    Now I've found myself in a new band, the one that played at the Winter Concert. The tape they gave me had the incomplete versions of the later completed songs "No Reason To Hide", "Tell Me Why", and "Quarter After Three". We did the first two at the Kid's TV carnival, and also a song I had originally written for the high school rock band called "Livin' In The City" which was my pride and joy for the longest time.

    At this time I realized that Graduation was fast approaching, and I was trying to decide if I was going to attend the Grad Party. The teachers were hyping up the Grad Party, saying that it only happens once, and it's something that will remain forever in your fondest memories. They planned to have a fake casino where you could bet with play money. I got suckered in. I also touched a cigarette again.

    On the May long weekend, me and my buddy Myles got together for a night of drinking. He had the good stuff - Crown Royal. We were getting hammered and playing a racing game on his computer. Racing games are so much funnier when you're drunk! Afterwards, we played around with Mario Paint. Again - better when you're drunk. We stayed up until 3:00am drinking and playing video games.

    The following week was Field Day at school. We were all gathered into the auditorium and told that even if we weren't taking Phys Ed, we had to sign up for at least three events. All I wanted to do on Field Day was hang out with my buddies! We were all given a pencil & a piece of paper to sign up for Field Day. I circled some random events, put the name "Rick Fusterman" at the top, filled out my shop class as "Drafting", and handed it in. I was free from any embarrassment and committment on Field Day. When the day came, Myles brought the leftover alcohol, and we mixed it in with a one litre of Pepsi.

    ****

    May 23, 1997
    Things with Evening Of Strange are pretty cool. We need (1) A new bass player, (2) a new name. Grad's gonna suck. Fucking fake casino. Fucking no date. Silvan said he was going to find me one. I suck. Grad sucks. Tragically Hip sucks....
    ....I had my first drag in months. It felt good. Fucking Renee's gone to Dryden - hopefully for good. Her parents split up. Jen + Sheldon are looking for jobs. Noone knows where Laurie (Renee's other sister) is.....
    ....Last weekend me + Mike went to the forks to check out the flood benefit concert. I met Sheldon + Jen there. They were with a guy named Noah. Then fucking Darren + Renee came which changed my mood. We went to Darren's which sucked. Renee was having a hard time dealing with her parents' breakup. I told her if she needed to talk to someone, give me a call. She said "Why don't we ever talk anymore?" Then she said the same thing to me that I told her. I'm not the one with the problem.

    ****

    I need to expand on what happened that weekend. Me and Noah got along very well on our first meeting. His favorite Blue Oyster Cult song was "Veteran of the Psychic Wars". We began singing it and were having a great time! Shortly after, Jen told me that Darren & Renee were supposed to show up. I told Noah, Jen, and Sheldon about the time Darren was trying to come up with a nickname for himself:

    "How about Bricks? Naah, bricks is too heavy. How about DD the PF man? (DD is Darren's initials, PF= Pink Floyd, Darren's favorite band). Naah, too long."

    Then me being an asshole, I throw something funny in, "How about Shoes?" From that day on, the name "Shoes" stuck with Darren. Noah busted a gut laughing.

    When Renee and Darren showed up, I could tell that Renee was pretty disturbed about her parents; she had tears in her eyes when she told me about it. We ended up going to Darren's shithole apartment (with a shared bathroom). The place was cramped. Being the dork he was, he threw on some Pink Floyd and turned his strobe light on. The goof didn't want to shut it off. We were just sitting there complaining about it. Then he pulled out his guitar to show off. He played a Pink Floyd song - the only song he knew how to play. Everyone else spoke up and said, "Let Ben Play!" Darren reluctantly handed the guitar to me, and I showed off my shit. I know I blew him away, and he didn't like it. Eventually, I ended up sitting beside Renee which made her incredibly nervous. I was doing good getting over her, so it didn't bother me that much.

    I'll tell you something, I was happy as hell to get out of Darren's shithole.

    As far as my band went, we came up with a new name. The bass player was making fun of the drummer, "Yeah, there's Matt masturbating in the corner, trying to get the proper motion". I looked at him and said, "Hey!" The bass player looked at me and said "Hey! That's a good name". I said, "Yeah, Proper Motion!". The name stuck.

    My electronics class always had a picnic at the end of the year. This year, me and a couple other buddies decided to stop at the liquor store on the way there. Me and my buddy Myles split for a 26er of Canadian Club, and my other buddy Ryan bought a 12pak. We headed out to the park site for some fun. The genius in the class hooked up his ghetto blaster to a car battery which lasted all day. When the teacher wasn't looking, we were pouring the booze. Me and Myles were getting absolutely sloshed. We grabbed a couple of Ryan's beers and went drinking in the bush. We came back absolutely shit-faced, and poured another Rye & Coke. The teacher looked and said, "Is there alcohol around here? You guys, if anyone finds out, I'm going to be in big trouble!" Good ol' Myles said, "Relaaaaaax Hanuschuk, noone's going to say anything". The subject was then dropped. I don't remember much else at the picnic, I was too drunk.

    On Color Day (awards day), Ryan brought the leftover beer from the picnic. When the teacher walked out of the room, we each grabbed a beer and chugged it down. Just before we went to the auditorium for the awards, me and Ryan went behind the school and chugged some more beer. Ryan happily accepted his award - drunk.

    As I expected, Grad wasn't all it was hyped up to be. I invited Jen + Sheldon to it. After the ceremony, there were goodies in the Cafeteria. I saw Roxanne standing with her parents, and I saw her dad for the first time - a tall, old, skinny guy. I couldn't help but laugh and say to myself, "I was afraid of him?"

    The grad party sucked, and Roxanne didn't attend. All I remember was the drunken mosh pit where I was slammed into the sound equipment. Another thing that was noteworthy, everyone recieved a grad glass. When everyone headed to the fake casino in the other room, they left behind their grad glasses - except me (as far as I know). When the fake casino was done and everyone came back in, all the grad glasses were gone. I didn't dare show anyone that I still had mine.

    School was finished for me. All I have to say is that it was the best year of school I had! I now had to step into the world of reality. However, the world of reality didn't just hold the responsibility of adult life, it held a price to pay for it.

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    If you wanna hear the song "14 Days" that I performed in Factor, you can download it here:

    http://music.download.com/benpony/3600-8666_32-100296002.html?tag=list

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit