Living Will Form

LIVING WILL FORM:

I, __________________________________ (fill in the blank), being of
sound mind and body, unequivocally declare that in the event of a
catastrophic injury, I do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by
artificial means.. I hereby instruct my loved ones and relatives to remove
any and all life-support systems, once it has been determined that my brain
is no longer functioning in a cognizant realm. However that judgment should
be made only after thorough consultation with medical experts; i.e.,
individuals who actually have been trained, educated and certified as
doctors.

Under no circumstances -- and I can't state this too strongly --
should my fate be put in the hands of politicians who couldn't
pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it. Furthermore, it is
my firm hope that, whenever 'the time' does comes, any discussion about
terminating my medical treatment should remain private and confidential.

After seeing what is going on in Florida, however, I am acutely aware
that the legislative and executive branches of state government are fond of
meddling in family matters, and have little concern for the privacy and
dignity of individuals.

Therefore, I wish to make my views on this subject as clear and
unambiguous as possible.

Recognizing that some politicians seem cerebrally challenged
themselves (and with no medical excuse), I'll try to keep this simple and to
the point:

1. While remaining sensitive to the feelings of any loved ones who
might cling to hope for my recovery, let me state that if a reasonable
amount of time passes -- say, ________ (fill in the blank) months -- and I
fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't
ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the
tubes and call it a day.

2. Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact
a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these
boneheads will mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to
the health, education and the future of the millions of Americans who aren't
in a permanent coma.

3. Under no circumstances shall any governor in the USA butt into
this case and order my doctors to put a feeding tube down my throat. I don't
care how many fundamentalist votes he's trying to scrounge. It is my wish
that he plays politics with someone else's life and leaves me to die in
peace.

4. I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails
to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these
people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my
behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

5. It is my heartfelt wish to expire quietly and without a public
spectacle. This is obviously impossible once any elected officials become
involved. So, while recognizing the wrenching emotions that attend the
prolonged death of a loved one, I hereby instruct my relatives to settle all
disagreements about my care in private or in the courts, as provided by law.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his
or her existence a living hell........and for GOD's SAKE, keep that damn Jesse Jackson away from me!!!

Living Will Form

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