To recap: My sister left her family for about 2 weeks, she had been depressed for months (years possibly) and information also surfaced about her being molested by our older half-brother (my fathers son) when she was little. My family tried desparately to get her to come back and get therapy and it worked.
Right now my sister is staying with my parents and they are helping her (and her husband and kids) get back on their feet. It was not so good for the two boys at first and they felt abandoned, but she is back now and they are doing so much better. She is also seeking professional help. Her and her husband decided to not divorce but move foward slowly (going on dates, etc.) My parents helped the husband and fixed up their house a bit, helped with bills, etc. My sister on her two weeks "vacation" spent it with a guy she had been seeing on the internet from England who came over...was crazy, suicidal, she asked him to go back home and he did. She also spent a great deal of money on clothes and furnature using the credit cards...A sign of severe low self esteem if you ask me.
I had talked to the husband, my brother-in-law a lot of the phone through this whole thing and realized that a lot of the things my sister said to him were just grossly exaggerated. I have a new-found respect for him. He went through a lot and he is a really loving father and husband. I do not blame my sister, as she was so depressed and she had a really distorded view of her life, she did not want to be a wife and mother anymore. If they had a fight--she looked at it as him picking on her, etc...and thats how I initially was on her side. I tied to be supportive no matter what, I knew that she was telling me things that she did not feel comfortable telling the rest of the family, so I was really her only help in coping.
The more I was around her, the more I knew there was an issue and that she is mentally unwell. Her self esteem is horrid and just felt that she was not only fat and ugly, but undeserving of a good life, a bad wife and mother, etc. She was not herself by any means.
My family has gotten closer together and I have even recieved good encouraging emails from my other sister who was normally the front-runner in the shun-game but she has since changed her attitude about me. I have had great conversations on the phone with my father and mother and they have said without provocation that they all intent to come to my wedding even though it is on an assembly day (oops..). They have gotten closer to Mike and really saw us as an asset in helping my sister (and my brother too...he had some issues but not so bad). My family had said really nice things about Mike and given our relationship a lot of validity.
A couple nights ago, my sister and brother-in-law invited us our to dinner so we went. Mike and my BIL and I had great conversation. I unfortunately felt some bad feelings/vibes coming from my sister who seemed to be picking on her husband, rather short with him, etc...it just did not seem right. Her husband was obviously trying REALLY hard (almost too hard) to make her happy and make sure she was having fun. We felt bad for him because it was obvious he was doing all the right things but it was just not enough for her. I hope that with the continued dates they go on and cousuling, she can work things out.
She had her judicial commitee and will be "publicly reproved". I am not sure what that is all about because I have never seen that done! (Or have I?). My brother was privately reproved recently (girl issues...oops) but for public...they announce it...does that mean people will not talk to her? Even so I do not think it will be so detrimental to her as she is glad she is not DF'd and it seems all her close friends and family are rooting for her and thats all she needs.
My oldest sister wants us three girls to have a lunch together to discuss the molestation and our feelings and how we can move on from there. As far as I know it has only happened to my sister, but perhaps my oldest sister is starting to remember things? To behonest, I have suspected something like this happening to my sister. Odd.
In any event, things have improved dramatically on the home front.
an update on my sister
by jwbot 6 Replies latest jw experiences
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jwbot
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bikerchic
(((jwbot))):
My family has gotten closer together and I have even recieved good encouraging emails from my other sister who was normally the front-runner in the shun-game but she has since changed her attitude about me. I have had great conversations on the phone with my father and mother and they have said without provocation that they all intent to come to my wedding even though it is on an assembly day (oops..). They have gotten closer to Mike and really saw us as an asset in helping my sister (and my brother too...he had some issues but not so bad). My family had said really nice things about Mike and given our relationship a lot of validity.
Good things do come out of adversary sometimes. I hope the family lines of communication remain open to honesty, compassion and understanding.
Thanks for the update.
Kate
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Poztate
She had her judicial commitee and will be "publicly reproved". I am not sure what that is all about because I have never seen that done! (Or have I?). My brother was privately reproved recently (girl issues...oops) but for public...they announce it...does that mean people will not talk to her?
With public reproof they used to just read out the name and say that you had been publically reproved.They do not say what the reproof was for. Shunning was never part of a public reproof but I am sure some of the"super dubs" would avoid any such person as being bad association.
Mind you I have been lucky enough to be out for almost 25 years so there might be "new light"? on the subject.
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lonelysheep
(((jwbot and your sister)))
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StinkyPantz
Wow.. All I can do is give you all hugs: ((jwbot & family))
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jwbot
Thanks for the info Poztate.
She did not go to the meeting this morning, stayed home sleeping...she is still depressed but working really hard about it. I worry though. -
AlmostAtheist
I always treated "public reproof" people really well, since it was obvious they'd been through something bad, had screwed up, and had been repentant over it. I didn't know of anybody that avoided those people, but that just may have been the clique (sp?) I ran in.
Thanks for the update, glad to hear things are progressing. And that your family is treating you like a human!
YOU are a GREAT sister! I hope my kids support each other so well.
Dave