Spoke to an old JW friend this week

JustTickledPink

My ex-best friend still lives in the area and we haven't spoken since I was announced as being DF'd although I had left years before. Anyways, I decided to call her up. We used to hang out, we went on trips together, we had a blast! So I call her up and ask her what's she up to. She actually talked to me for about 15 mins, no mention of JW stuff... just life stuff. So I ask her what she has going on?

No job, she stays home. She has a 6 year old son in kindergarten, she isn't pioneering, she stays home during the day and putters around and watches TV. Her husband still hangs drywall. She isn't taking any college classes, never really wants to work... etc. She isn't even volunteering at his school.

It sounded so boring. I told her about my job, our trips last year, the college classes I am currently taking the degree I am seeking, what my husband does, what we do on the weekends, etc. I hate to sound mean about this, but I had so much more going on with my life.

I started to think about when we were teens, she was a part time grocery cashier and quit her job at 19 to get married to her JW drywall hanging husband... and hasn't done anything else since except have 1 child 6 years ago.... I started to think how people like that are mentally lazy, and are more content to go through the motions of boring life, than DO something with their lives.

It's much harder to QUESTION things and start investigating and really make some choices about life... it's much easier to sit back and do nothing. It's easier to be mentally lazy and not improve yourself, it's easier to go through the motions and sit by idly and wait for the "new system" than to work hard and make something out of your life... and the WTS makes it so convenient to do, you just have to show up to the meetings and your spot in the "paradise" is reserved.

I started to think how JWs critisize other religions for having church on Sunday ONLY and preaching that "God loves you" ... but I realized that other churches actually encourage civic duty, community service, children's programs, political activism (polls in churches) and discuss REAL issues and form voluteer groups to help out in times of need. How, a lot of churches encourage education, sucess, and many very successful business people are "big shots" in their churches... they encourage their members to be active... not mentally lazy.

Anyways, it was interesting, I doubt we'll talk again... but it just confirmed again for me how much wonderful it is to be on the outside.

Doubtfully Yours

This person, based on your description, is not happy with her life at all. She seems to be in a rut.

DY

bikerchic

This person, based on your description, is not happy with her life at all. She seems to be in a rut.
DY

DY I don't see how you can make such a statement about someone you don't even know. It very well could be that this person isn't as motivated to do all the things JTP is motivated to do and is just as happy with her life the way it is. Just because one person is busy and doing lots of interesting things and another is busy raising a child, staying home doing household things (running a home ain't a cake walk) doesn't mean she isn't happy or satisfied with her life. JTP obviously wouldn't be happy or satisfied staying home raising a child which is why she isn't doing that.

Just my observation DY different strokes for different folks.

Kate

steve2

Anyways, it was interesting, I doubt we'll talk again... but it just confirmed again for me how much wonderful it is to be on the outside.

Sounds like talking to her was helpful for you. I think that's really good. I remember after I'd been out of the JWs for about 6 years, one "accidentally" called on my house. She was new to the city. I didn't know her and she didn't appear to know me. I did not tell her I was an ex-JW. I was still collecting my thoughts and wondering about what her purpose was.

She introduced herself, got into the usual spiel and I realised in perhaps just a few seconds how much I had moved on and how stuck in the past she appeared to be. I honestly felt like there was nothing I wanted from her or wanted to tell her. I politely stopped her, said "Thank you for calling but I'm not interested" and she said "Okay. have a nice day" and left. I always look back on that moment as an important one for me in terms of acknowledging to myself that I had left the JWs behind. I did not have any desire to reach out to her and "correct" her or share my story.

At the same time, I knew that had she known me and inquired, I would have talked.

JustTickledPink

The story was more about me feelings, although I do wonder if she is happy.

I do know that about a year or two after they got married, she was extremely unhappy with the marriage and sex .... I remember her telling me that the only time she was going to have sex with him was to get pregnant.... Shortly after having her child, they bought a new house and she moved into a seperate bedroom. I really have no idea if that is still the arragement, but it could very well be.

Happiness isn't something I measure JWs on anyways.

steve2

The story was more about me feelings, although I do wonder if she is happy.

I understand. I too think about some good JW friends I had, especially the issues they were facing in their personal lives when I knew them. Given their rigid thinking on many life issues, and the limited range of acceptable options to personal problems, I kind of imagine they're probably still stuck. This seems to be especially true of married JWs who are unhappy and unable to communicate even with their mate who is a JW. I noticed that some just steel themselves for a miserable life together, perhaps too guilt-ridden, fearful or lacking in sustained motivation to get out of the rut.

My impression is that, an unhappy JW is easier for the Watchtower to control than a happy one - although ultimately the fruitage of chronic unhappiness is a lethargic, "heavy" kind of lifestyle where the individual tries to get by doing as little as possible.

freedom96

I think it is great that she talked to you, but yes, it is easy to see how people can get into a rut, and especially when witnesses live the ultimate rut, in that there is not much time for anything else.

Another problem with witnesses, is that you really are not allowed to dream about a better life, unless it has to do with the "new system." So people just stay in their rut, with no real hope of the future, except this pipe dream of a paradise, that deep down I don't think most witnesses even dream too much about that.

iiz2cool

When I was a single JW there were several single pioneer? sisters? in the congregation who actually believed they had some inborn right to get married and immediately stop working. Some of them even voiced this sentiment at watchtower studies, saying it was the husbands responsibility to support them!

On the other hand, many of the brothers? weren't much better. Of all the brothers? I worked with in the 20 years I was a JW, I only met 2 who could do an honest days work without whining. There were even a few elders I knew who sent their wives to work full time while they quit their jobs to pioneer? and "prepare talks". I noticed much of their "preparation" took place in a local bar I also visited on occasion.

They always seemed so eager to take the path of least resistance, cut corners, do the minimum, and get involved in "get rich quick" schemes. They are by far the laziest people I've ever met, both physically and mentally.

I don't understand what they want with a "perfect paradise earth". Most of them are too damn lazy to do anything with it anyways.

Walter

jeanniebeanz

it's easier to go through the motions and sit by idly and wait for the "new system" than to work hard and make something out of your life

This is something that truly frustrates my teenage son about his jw dad. His dad is quite intelligent, and showed a lot of promise early in life. He is a talented draftsman, and could easily have been an architect. However, because of the anti-college slant of the witnesses, he never went.

Our son cannot understand why, in spite of the fact that his dad is now in his early 50's and could still get a degree and do something with his life, he chooses to live with his own father now in his 80's, and work drawing pictures for 1/4 what he's really worth. Although I do not believe that the ex is really happy, he would rather wait on the 'paradise' than take action and lead a fulfilling life. I know that he has serious doubts about the teachings of the WT, and cannot figure out if he is too lazy to pick himself up and do something, or if he is afraid to face the scrutiny of his family.

One thing I am really thankful for is that our children are using him as a cautionary example, and fully intend not to pursue his choices. They, all three, have goals in life and want education. Their goals are (in order of age): Division Manager (retail), Civil Engineer, and Archeologist. My youngest being six wants to be Batman... Still working on that one.

Although the goals may change as they grow, each occupation will require higher education. I couldn't be happier in that my children will not face the same dim future as I did as a child.

Jean

Spoke to an old JW friend this week

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