Australian Identification Guide

by unclebruce 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • unclebruce

    In Australia we like things neat and orderly. That's why our beer is colour coded - green lables for southwark etc.. White Australia developed from six very distinct colonies. We can tell each other apart as soon as one says a word (especially poor sods like me inflicted with a Lexy Downer {Adelaide} accent).

    Being perennially inventive, and with all this talk about terrorism on the TV, we've come up with a new identification code. An English cricket commentater bought some of this to the nations notice today. I've reseached and filled in the gaps. Australian women all look the same to me but you can tell where aussie men come from by our hair styles, namely:

    New South Wales: Shaven head

    Victoria: Mustache

    Queensland: Long hair & ponytail

    Western Australia: Crewcut

    Tasmania: Shaggy and windswept

    South Australia/Northern Territory: Parted down the middle

    uncle-axhead-bruce .. heey come all the smileys are from NSW?

    WARNING: This guide may not always work. Don't come crying to me if some moustache wearing brute from SA thumps ya for suggesting he's a Victorian! (you should have noted his hair part).

  • PopeOfEruke

    Unc, what are they putting in the Shiraz in Adelaide these days? Strike me pink, that was a weird post... Pope (*wears a big hat*)

  • unclebruce

    ...what apart from Adelaide water? com'on - I'm not backing down. You're all shaggy and windswept under that thing aren't ya! besides, when was an English Cricketer known to be wrong?

    and an edit thing - ...mmm maybe you need to get out more - there are even regional variations - down here in SE NSW most of the men wear beards

    ..then there is Papua New Guinea where highlanders have big calf muscles, coastal people have big biceps, really black natives are from far east papua, men with big fuzzy afros are from Sepik and western highlands etc...

  • Peppermint

    I have an uncle and many cousins living in Tasmania. They are defiantly of the shaggy and windswept variety.

  • Englishman

    More Aussie terms:

    * Log on - Make the barbie hotter

    * Log off - Don't add any more wood

    * Monitor - Keep an-eye on that barbie

    * Download - Getting the firewood off the ute

    * Floppy disc - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

    * Window - What to shut when it's cold outside

    * Screen - What to shut in the mosquito season

    * Byte - What the mosquitos do

    * Bit - What the mosquitos did

    * Mega Byte - What the Townsville mosquitos do

    * Chip - A bar snack

    * Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

    * Modem - What you did to the hay field

    * Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

    * Laptop - Where the cat sleeps

    * Software - The plastic knives and forks they give you at the Red Rooster

    * Hardware - The real stainless steel cutlery

    * Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed

    * Mainframe - What holds the shed up

    * Web - What a spider makes

    * Web site - The shed or under the verandah

    * Cursor - Someone who swears

    * Search Engine - What you do when the ute won't go

    * Upgrade - Steep hill

    * Server - The person at the hotel who brings the counter lunch

    * Mail Server - The bloke at the hotel who brings the counter lunch

    * Sound Card - The one that wins the hand of 500

    * User - The neighbour who keeps borrowing stuff

    * Network - When you have to repair your fishing net

    * Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

    * Netscape - When a fish manoeuvres out of reach

    * Online - When you get the laundry hung out on the washing line

    * Off line - When the clothes pegs let go and the washing falls on the ground

    From "Consumer Choice" magazine (Ireland)

    * State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford

    * Obsolete - Any computer you own

    * Microsecond - The time it takes for your computer to become obsolete


  • unclebruce

    I'd give you an Aussie term English! ... but I'm a bit circumspect since getting deleted on h20 for calling thirdson a drongo..imagine if I said he was two licks short of a polywaffle.


  • mama

    very funny bruce, but i am sure all the australian women wouldn't like being lumped in as one lot. As for accents, its the same here in canada, ppl can tell right away if your a newfie, or from cape breton, newbrunswick, ontario etc. Very funny though, tc. mama

  • itsallgoodnow

    Funny post! I don't know much about australian accents, but I think Lleyton Hewitt's accent is pretty hot, and he's from your area, so.... to American women, your accent is just as cool as any other Aussie's!

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