Life on the outside

by Peppermint 1 Replies latest jw friends

  • Peppermint

    Being a Jehovah?s Witness caused me mental anguish.

    Lack of love in the congregation, feelings of not doing enough or doing the wrong things. All this made me sad. These are the things that made me leave. Not the teachings.

    To be quite honest I enjoyed the certainties of the truth, it gave me a solution for everything I saw around me.

    Now that I have left all has changed, I no longer see the truth as ?the truth? and the issues of feeling unworthy have gone.

    Trouble is, I now have a big hole where the truth used to be. I miss some of the people (not all for sure) but there are friendships developed over years that have now just gone. I miss the feeling of having a supernatural being looking out for me. I miss feeling innocent. I miss the answers to everything.

    I sometimes think would I be happier to have stayed as I was? It?s like being offered that pill in the Matrix, how would I or you choose now? This feeling also makes me question, should I expose falsehoods in the society to my family who are still in?

    I hope things get easier as time passes, I?m sure they will.

  • scootergirl

    The longer you are out, the more truth you see, the more support you experience and when you take your steps towards step at a time, you will one day look back and realize that that void was filled, you are happy and free and will understand why you went thru what you have gone thru. It's a process and what you are feeling many of us have. Change is uncomfortable sometimes, and uncertainties are scarey. Of course it was easy being in the borg w/all our decisions made for us..lives laid out neatly w/out any effort on our parts. You have a wonderful journey ahead of you to discover YOU. To find what was taken away from you and YES, life gets much better! Hang in there!

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