I seem to have had a drastic personality change since I disassociated myself. I have gone from a relatively calm human being to someone who is full of anger and sometimes what feels like an overwhelming rage because of shunning. How do you deal with those emotions???
An almost uncontrollable anger
Sorry about what your going through.
Most of my family is out now although not all. It used to be more trouble but you know as time passes you get used to it some. I still get angry about it and I find it's best if I can talk to someone or some people that understand what I'm going through. Usually it's one of my siblings. If they aren't available at the time I need then...well I usually come here to the forum.
It'll get better chuckyy.
hi Chuckyy. i was always very mild-mannered, even when i got out. i basically plunged myself into the world without even thinking about it..as time passed, i beagn having severe panic attacks... after two weeks of these crippling episodes, i went to a psychiatrist...a real Sigmund Freud type, who took me in deep and showed me that in my case, the root of my anxiety was anger--- it was finally surfacing after years of pushing it all down, and i had to let it come out. and i felt it more than i ever did, and i started swearing, which i had never done, and allowed myself to feel the anger... then we began techniques to recognize what was really at the heart of all these inrtense feelings and deal with them accordingly. in my case, i just had to feel them all...the anger the hurt the loss, the humiliation at being lied to and betrayed by people i loved, locked away during my formative years, everything. it never really leaves you i mean i consider myself very happy, but then i'll read something here or see something in a movie that will upset me... the trick is acknowledging it for what it is and dealing with it directly, which is much healthier than denying them. i can't tell you what to do; i can only share my experience with you. and it will get better. honest.
Believe it or not, this is a very normal and healthy part of the grieving process.
If your anger is troubling you, though, try to find a way to focus it in a positive way. You might find it helpful to do something physical to burn off the incredible energy that anger can create. You also might want to find a way to channel your anger that produces benefits for other people (and for yourself as well). I daresay that anger over being lied to and emotionally abused by the WTS is partly what motivates many ex-JWs to come to places like this. Once a person realizes that they are not alone in their feelings, the anger tends to lessen and people begin to focus on rebuilding their lives and finding ways to help and support other people in the same situation.
Welcome to the forum.
Incense..did we have the same therapist? lol..I could relate to so much you said! Scully is right..this is a normal process to go thru. Unforunately w/our background, many of us weren't properly taught how to deal w/anger let alone even allowed to feel it w/out having it associated w/guilt. For me it was many years of "stuffing feelings" that surfaced in uncontrollable rage. There was a time that I was terrible to deal with. Hot headed, sharp tongue, synical and sarcastic. I even got to the point of physical violence. Once I faced it head on, dealt w/the pain and found outlets to express it and feel it I could move on. Just remember, anger is only an emotion...learning how to effectively deal with it is the key. For many years I was alone w/being and ex dub. In fact, before this board I had never met anyone that was in my shoes! I always wondered where all the ex's went! Like they just fell off the face of the earth! Walking alone for so long w/out having anyone truely understand my pain was difficult on me. I did the best I could, but it wasn't until I met folks who could relate, who could offer support, suggestions and a kind hand did I progress further in my recovery process.
I totally understand. I was a very angry person for years. Like the others mentioned above...I had a terribly short fuse, swore, screamed, yelled, even at the silliest things...it'd set me off. But for 18 years at home, I was never allowed to be angry. It was partly the religion, but partly because of how my parents raised me. My father was the only one that ever had the right to be angry. So I stuffed and stuffed until my first public reproval...I exploded into rages all the time. And what's so troublesome is I HATED myself afterwards. Mostly because it reminded me of my father.
Years of counseling and praying and learning activities that helped me channel the energy of my anger towards other things. Running was my choice of blowing off steam. A kickboxing class I took years ago helped tremendously too. I used to love pretending that every kick and punch into the bag was a punch to the Watchtower. I'd imagine a brick coming down one by one. Amazing how releasing that was to my psyche.
You're not alone.
I don't know whether you still believe in JW doctrines, but I do.
If you do, this is how I see it. You are carrying your torture stake [you can notice the load more] (Matthew 10:38-39 -- there are other verses too that have a similar expression.) You are being persecuted and anyone who desires to believe in Jehovah, the real Jehovah (2 Timothy 3:13.)
But if you no longer believe in their doctrine, it doesn't apply to you.