Loosing it

by FiveShadows 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • FiveShadows

    Back when i was 16 i graduated from highschool two years early. I started at a school that most are firmilar with: DeVry institute of technology. During the course of my studies...my counselor informed me that i needed to pay off my student loan for my BOOKS by the end of the second month or the school would've kicked me out. Being Naive as i was back then...i agreed and started hunting for a job..parttime. As a result i ended up in Hollywood with a radio broadcasting job. I would not only recieve the job but also 'hands on training' and education needed to go further with it. I would be paid 200.00 per show...and had to do at least 7 shows a week. (For those that don't know me...this is my DREAM JOB) I would become an 'independant producer..' and since i had completed high school...and still minor...i had to work part time. ...my intentions were not in anyway to quit DeVry...but it was the second month and i needed to make money FAST and this oppertunity arrived and gave me the ability to not only make enough money for my books...but also launch another career that i could've enjoyed more so then Electronic Engineering. I would school in the morning...drive to LA (1 hour) in the afternoon...work..and learn...and drive home for dinner and studies. This was AMAZING.. My father on the other hand was against it. My mother or my father (can't remember) are not Jehovah's Witness'...but I was. They (although i think it was my mother) informed me that if i took the job...not to come back home. I HAD to take this job...because i felt as my counselor told me...i would get kicked out of DeVry if i didn't pay off my books. I told my father that he was a hypocrite for everything...and has put me in a horrible position. I was damned if i took the job...and damned if i didn't. My parents would NOT have enjoyed the fact that i was thrown out of college. As a result...i was thrown out before my decision could've even been decided. I couldn't go to any of the brothers in my area because i was 'spiritually weak.' I called up a brother that i knew in Texas ...who picked me up 2 days later...i was homeless without any way to ...go to school...or whatever. But because the brother HELPED ME...he was despised. I left...had to drop school for the sake of shelter.

    I am now 22...I am no longer a jw and my father is deceased. My mother has been pushing me to go to college again...which i finally agreed. We decided to go to San Juaquin Valley College in Ca ...so i may get my associates degree in business. This is a private college and offers great oppertunities in the field of business....and once again i thought perhaps the music business might look promising. All the paper work was filed...everything completed EXCEPT ...a signature for the loan from my mother. She wanted to 'discuss the matter with my brother' who is still in the organization. Not only does my brother hate me...but finds any reason to go become the advocate against me. So ...like a dog he barked at my mother at how she shouldn't waste her money and insinuated that i will fail and never graduate. Mind you, my mother is the only thing keeping me in this house...because she is not really a 'jw.' My brother if i may add...has a bachelors degree in Electronic Engineering and is currently teaching partime at a school. He is roughly about 3 years older then i am. As a result...I am unable to attend this college...because my mother pretty much has been convinced that i'm a failure. I TOLD him...that i was kicked out of this HOUSE and of ALL people he should understand what that feels like, as to why i didn't complete DeVry. The animosity lingers in from every aspect ...the moment he arrives...the moment...he sleeps...the moment when he leaves...etc...etc..He really HATES ME...and as a result...i am unable to attend this college now and ...i don't qualify for grants. I despise religion so much.

    I really don't have a point to this...but i needed to get it out...


  • Valis

    Good luck on your college! Don't forget to check www.fastweb.com for scholarship opportunities.!


    District Overbeer

  • under74

    FiveShadows- Go to a financial aid counselor at the school and try to explain the situation. They have the option of declaring you an "independant student" which means you will be able to take out loans on your own. On top of that they will only be using your income in the financial aid process so there's a good chance you will qualify for grants.

  • BrendaCloutier


    Sounds like your brother is both jealous and has a serious ego trip. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

    Do whatever it takes to get back to school. Work your arse off if that's what it takes. It will be worth it, and You ARE worth it!

    Hugs and good luck


  • BrendaCloutier


    A very close friend of mine is back in school getting her teaching certificates for primary and secondary school, and is going for a cert in behavioural education, too.

    She's 48. She's had to move back home with her mom and step-dad to Ellensberg WA (Central WA Univ) after her husband said "I'm going to Florida and you're not" (with another woman).

    Her mother got her bachelors at 39 with no husband and 7 children to care for.

    Her grandmother got her bachelors at 42 and became Dean of Women at Central when she was 48.

    What I'm saying here is, it's never too late, no matter what odds are against you. But earlier is better.

    Go For It!

  • seeitallclearlynow

    Five Shadows, I'm appalled at all the maneuvering and frustration you've experienced due to family and JW religious issues! Wow, that's tough. It's really sad that you're made to feel that your own brother hates you. I'm hoping that's an overreaction on your part. Of course I hope no one's brother hates them! I'm sorry to hear about the extreme tension. That could turn around in the years to come, you never know. I hope so. If not, at least you don't need to hate him back and have that eat you up.

    So now it's been made clear I think that no one is going to help you with this - not that you asked, right?? But anyway, you appear to be on your own so to speak in connection with your education and I hope you are able to go forward with it on your own. If not now, then maybe later.

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