Confused about making it work

by LMB 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • LMB

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 19 months. Well, to make a long story short he explained to me that he was unhappy, going through a mid life crisis and was not sure what he wanted so now we are on a "30 day break". Now the 30 days are up and I have to decide whether or not to fight to keep him or let him go.

  • confusedjw

    This can't be good.

    I can't give advice on such few details, but my rule of thumb is to look down the road and see which decision will leave you with fewest regrets.

    Start there.

    Good luck

  • JustTickledPink

    I love the title of your thread, that says it all.

    My personal philosophy is that if you are "trying to MAKE it WORK" that means that it's not the right relationship. The best relationships aren't the ones that you constantly have to work at, they are the ones that everything falls together, you are both happy, you talk, you enjoy each other's company. If you are constantly finding yourself WORKING in a relationship, what's the point?

    Yes, it takes effort to keep things spicy, you do have to put forth effort to make the other person happy... but you shouldn't have to constantly WORK.

    Find a relationship where there is joy and you will be happy. My philosophy is "when you know, you know" ... I did what you are doing so many times and finally one day it all fell together and I couldn't believe it could be so easy and so wonderful. Then I KNEW.

    Good luck.... relationships can be such a headache, but I truly hope you get what you need and want in life!

  • logansrun

    Just Tickled,

    I humbly disagree. Anything worthwhile -- and relationships fall into this category -- demands work. Just how "natural" this work is is another story. I don't think I could ever "work" at being an engineer because being an engineer is simply not my cup of tea. I could "work" -- and it would be WORK! -- at being a lawyer, teacher, counselor or Rabbi (hehe).

    Good relationships require work. See Bradley work. Bradley can work. Work, Work, Work.

    As for the original thread I might interesting first post on a forum about Jehovah's Witnesses. I haven't the foggiest what you should do. Maybe go to the Kingdom Hall for advice. j/k


  • JustTickledPink

    That is exactly why I said relationships require EFFORT, which to me means you are actively doing something productive. You can't just sit on your arse and expect the other people to just love your laziness. No relationships require effort, but WORK to me sounds more like you are constantly swimming upstream.

    I also could never be an engineer, I could work all day at numbers and math and would never accomplish anything. I am however very detail oriented and precise and good at what I do, but it's still work. I do it for money, not because I love being here. Work in my mind translates into doing something for money. Something you wouldn't do just for the love of it, that is more your efforts spent on hobbies, relationships, etc. It even takes effort to go shopping all day... But I wouldn't consider shopping "work" ... just like I can't think in terms of "I have to go home and face my man and work at our relationship"

    Although I love it when a man WORKS for my attentions... so I suppose men can work at it, I'll gladly sit back, Cosmo in hand and pretend like I'm working at it.

  • BrendaCloutier

    l'll pull a Dear Abby here: If you both decide to attempt to make it work, seek relationship counselling. It's a bitch, if not damned near impossible to have a one-sided relationship. In the mean-time, dig out the toys.

  • LMB

    Thanks guys I needed that input. I just think in terms of "this to shall pass". I just don't know what lies ahead since you never know what is in store for you. I guess when you care for someone deeply that does not mean that you are profoundly in love.

  • Sally

    Well, were you sleeping with him? Maybe now that he's gotten what he wanted he's had a "crisis of conscience" and decided he'd better get back in Jehovah's good graces. You, being worldly, were never a keeper all along. You won't make it through the big "A" and Jehovah doesn't care about you so why should he really? Sorry, but I've seen this.


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