Have to think something through, wish I could use some of your advice.

by Daunt 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • Daunt

    I'm in a pretty tough pickle at the moment. I was on this site before under another username but I haven't been here for a long time. So here it goes... I am fully convinced that this religion isn't what it's cracked up to be. However, I'm not in any position to leave. I'm only 16 (17 in a few days) and I need to decide what is the best course of action. I really can't have my psyche messed with anymore by my parent's isolation, I have so many things to do and so many people to see but I will never do those things or see those people if I stay under my parent's roof. I'm wondering how I should leave, I'm having a troubling time thinking about whether to just up and go when I finish high school and when I'm 18, or slowly break away from the religion while I'm still at home. Both will cause my parent's emotion distress which I don't want to happen, however I do know it's inevitable. They might inhibit me from the few activities I can enjoy if I start seperating from my meetings but if I just go and leave that will bring Them even more pain. So what do you guys suggest I should do?

  • seeitallclearlynow

    Hi Daunt, welcome back! It's got to be very tough being a "minor" in a JW household, if you don't want to follow the JW lifestyle. It varies in a very large way from family to family.

    I've sent you a PM; hope to hear from you.

  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    Whatever you do you should thoroughly think it through. Make a list of pro's and con's. Maybe talk to people who have actually left and see if you are willing to deal with that isolation.

    If you start fading away while you are still at home are you willing to have everyone at the KH talk about you? You know how everyone loves to gossip about the "bad ones."

    Also you realize that if you do this while still at home there may be consequences for your parents. The elders always seem to hold the parents responsible for their children's actions.

    If you plan on leaving home start saving now so you can be fully self sufficient. If you receive medical coverage from your parents you may have to find a job that provides this for you too.

    You have some very hard choices to make.

    My husband is treated almost like a stranger by people in his old KH because he is fading away. His own mother only calls when she needs something fixed and he is the only one who can and will do it for free. My husband is a good son, he's decent, moral and kind....but she cannot get past what the ones at the hall will think if she comes around us and our children.

    Good luck.

  • Narkissos

    Hi Daunt,

    To the little information you give, I'd answer: Try to enjoy your present life as much as possible and avoid unnecessary clash with your folks, while actively planning for what you'll do when you finish high school. E.g. independently financing college and living in another place if you're up to that. One year is not too much!

    Take care.

  • Axelspeed

    I agree that you should think this through.

    Though I dont know all the details, my suggestion would be to definitely finish the last yr. of school before considering moving out, as difficult as this may be. You want to assure yourself the best chance of success and at being self-sufficient. The last thing you want to hear are the "i told you so"s and have to at some point return home - so maximize your odds of success by finishing school. You already are finding out the truth about the Truth, so you are halfway home already.

    Next, if you can get to college, do it. It will give you a forum to make new friends. If you can go to school away from home, the better you will be able to make a good break or fade.

    You didn't say if you were baptized or not, but if you're not....don't !

    You are young and fortunate to already be making the discovery many took years to make...enjoy!


  • stillajwexelder

    You could always do what I am doing - lead a double life - I visit and post on this board but remain a witness to please my wife

  • setfree

    Being the type of person that I am i.e. "show me the facts", Talk with your folks about your concerns. Show them why you feel the way you do. If you have been doing research, share with them YOUR findings. Good luck

  • Daunt

    Thanks for posting guys. Ya I'm planning on taking it slow and easy then breaking away. But I got a good year and a half to think about it so Im going to take my time.

    And the hard part about it is... my Dad's an elder. One son disfellowshipped and another son lukewarming it and one daughter that's the greatest JW in the world.

  • AuntieJane

    Hi Daunt and welcome! I agree here with setfree. Esp with your age, you are at a time in your life where it is very normal to be questioning beliefs, etc. Put a few "innocent" questions out there, starting with ...we ARE to search into things carefully, right? So I just wonder about this..... Something along that line. You are wise to take your time, but personally I feel the more honest you are with them (again, just slow, one question at a time) the more comfortable you (and they) will be. And I think you have a plus on your side, they do already have a son DF'd and one a little ahead of you at getting out?...so ....I feel they won't be as surprised as you think they will if you ask some ??? at this point in your life. Good Luck, and stay on this board, you will find lots of support.

  • OUT and about
    OUT and about

    You could always do what I am doing - lead a double life -

    He he! Sounds like all of the kids living with parents at my old hall. Ok, who's down for a trip to the titty bar after the friday meeting?

    Seriously, though, we have to do what we have to do. I'd say try to be on your best behavior until 18. Then leave for the military! Trust me, it's tough being on your own at first, until you get used to everything. And don't rely on roomates to foot part of the bill. They will screw you every time. A roomate is fine, but be sure you can afford the place on your own, if things don't work out. I am a landlord, and I can tell you it's amazing what people think when it comes time to pay the rent. And don't think friends are different. They are the WORST! I have had to "evict" 3 friends. One was a very close friend, and that was the most difficult and painful. You DON'T want to come crawling home after this! Enlisting in the armed forces will put them over the top, to be sure, but it has it's merits.

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