Run Ins

Max

I had a run in with a witness and it took me along time to get over it, I still don't talk to that witness. Some of the witnesses I know are two faced and it makes it hard not to feel aggresive when I go to the meetings, I sit there and think what am I doing here but I feel better when I leave so that is why I suppose I still go, it makes me feel good even though I feel there alot of stuck up attitudes when some feel they are more spiritual than others. It feels like such a struggle to go there but yet I really want to be there. I suppose if I didn't have the run ins that I've had I would feel more at peace.

Maverick

I can relate to the conflict you feel. I would go to the meetings and take in the information, I love to learn and this satiated that need, but the phony people turned me off. I would go and then leave right after to be at peace. After a while I started to dread going and I have learned when you dread doing something it is time to make a change. One day as I prepared for and planned my day I remembered that I needed to be home at a certain time to make the Book Study, a feeling of melancholy came over me at the thought of having to sit with those people. I decided at that point not to voluntarily put myself through that, I'm a grown man and should be able to do that which I like and leave off from that which does not serve me. I never went back and they never came looking. I wish you peace.

Granny Linda

I've been out for so long, but surely remember as a kid that feeling of dread.

Sometimes we can think we feel better for doing what is so routine...simply because it's so familiar, but not necessarily what is needed.

With my experience in AA many years ago I got to the point that my time was better spent doing personal reading/writing/ anything that helped develope self-esteem, rather than sitting in a group that began sounding all too JW like. Judgement and better-than attitude.

I've sat in many different type groups and found that basically they are all alike in their judgement of anyone not agreeing with their agenda, so found other ways of spending my time that affirmed me.

granny

under74

"...but surely remember as a kid that feeling of dread."

My childhood seems like a blur of depression when I think about it. I could barely function on the days of the meetings knowing that I'd have be there among people that didn't care for me or my family...i knew this from the constant rumors and the fact the all the kids at the KH avoided me and my siblings like the plague. It's ridiculous looking back on it now.

There's absolutely no need to torture yourself. I know the rules are that you attend the meetings and put up with it, but these are man made rules. I personally don't believe anymore but I think it's possible to believe without the Watchtower Society and all the petty snots in the congregation.

All the best.

Incense_and_Peppermints

the most important thing is this:

I sit there and think what am I doing here but I feel better when I leave so that is why I suppose I still go, it makes me feel good

don't let a few people with issues taint your experience, or make you question your own motives. keep on ignoring it, including putting all thoughts of them out of your mind. expressing your feelings assertively when the next "run-in" comes ('cause it most likely will) will help also. i usually view two-faced people as rather cowardly, 'cause it takes more courage to be true to yourself and not be preoccupied with what others think of you. what you think of yourself is what matters, ultimately.

Carmel

That feeling of dread came to me early in life. I remember hiding in the barn on Sundays to avoid going "out in service" or to the Sunday afternoon "talk", which was more often than not, a reel-to-reel recorded talk. Then the watchtower rote training misnamed the "study". Friday nights and wed nights were hard to avoid. Finally ran away at age 14 to get away from it all.

carm

gotout

When I see former witnesses in my area I treat them like I do anyone else I know. I say a friendly hi. It is their choice if they wish to reply, it makes no difference to me if they do or not. I will not practice the same horrible ill manners they do. As for going to a meeting, gagggggggggggg. Why in hell would I subject my self to that dribble again. Why would I allow myself to be treated like a sinning outcast by people I don't like? I still worship Jehovah, but it is from my HEART. It is not among a bunch of stuck-up hypocrites, who think they are better than eveyone else. Why are you doing that to yourself?

Max

Thank you for all your comments, I appreciate the time you took to reply. It looks like I have to really search within myself my motives for meeting attendence, I have some great friends there and have been a JW most of my life and I really don't want that to change. Anyway changing the subject, I am off on holiday this week and will be back in the new year, so I do wish you all a happy holiday and all the best for the new year "2005"

Cheers

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