I have been watching this website for a while and havent posted much, but I have gained alot of insight into my own head and life. I was born JW and Pioneered and all that good stuff, didnt get out until I was 23. Didnt know what to do so I started drinking and using all sorts of illegal substances. I would talk all night to people about the 'dubs and how f****d up they are, probably bored alot of people. I blamed my family and my wifes family and the congregation. I was pissed for a long time. Well eventually I ended up in the nuthouse from my drinking.
So now I have been sober for over 1 year, and I get to look back at it all in hindsight. It seems like the guilt and blaming worked for then, but now I just cant live my life that way anymore. Sure I can point the finger, but if I want to move forward I have to look ahead and be accountable for my part and learn from the whole mess. Dont get me wrong, I still get pissed all the time reading things on this site, or talking to my brother or mom when they will talk to me. I have also learned alot about life.
What I am trying to say is that now I can see where I was involved. I stayed until I was 23, even though I stopped beliving the "truth" long before that. That was such a valubale life lesson, being able to stand up for what I believe for th FIRST time, in spite of all consiquences. I am sure alot of you can relate to the high felt after leaving. I learned life doesnt always go my way, but I always have the option to change my situation. I learned that some people are willing to sacrafice family for faith, and thats their right. I hate it, but I had my part, and I am looking for that now.
I am looking for other peoples experience, how they made peace with their "past life". I am tired of sitting in that s**t and not growing. I dont want to have brutal images appear in my head (I have thought very deeply of what I would like to do to some JW's) every time I hear through the grapevine what my family is saying about me. How can we grow and move forward. Thanks for listening.