Hindsight is 20/20

Capn Jack

Hello all,

I have been watching this website for a while and havent posted much, but I have gained alot of insight into my own head and life. I was born JW and Pioneered and all that good stuff, didnt get out until I was 23. Didnt know what to do so I started drinking and using all sorts of illegal substances. I would talk all night to people about the 'dubs and how f****d up they are, probably bored alot of people. I blamed my family and my wifes family and the congregation. I was pissed for a long time. Well eventually I ended up in the nuthouse from my drinking.

So now I have been sober for over 1 year, and I get to look back at it all in hindsight. It seems like the guilt and blaming worked for then, but now I just cant live my life that way anymore. Sure I can point the finger, but if I want to move forward I have to look ahead and be accountable for my part and learn from the whole mess. Dont get me wrong, I still get pissed all the time reading things on this site, or talking to my brother or mom when they will talk to me. I have also learned alot about life.

What I am trying to say is that now I can see where I was involved. I stayed until I was 23, even though I stopped beliving the "truth" long before that. That was such a valubale life lesson, being able to stand up for what I believe for th FIRST time, in spite of all consiquences. I am sure alot of you can relate to the high felt after leaving. I learned life doesnt always go my way, but I always have the option to change my situation. I learned that some people are willing to sacrafice family for faith, and thats their right. I hate it, but I had my part, and I am looking for that now.

I am looking for other peoples experience, how they made peace with their "past life". I am tired of sitting in that s**t and not growing. I dont want to have brutal images appear in my head (I have thought very deeply of what I would like to do to some JW's) every time I hear through the grapevine what my family is saying about me. How can we grow and move forward. Thanks for listening.

Happy Guy :)

I like the title for your thread.....so true. Much congratulations to you on kicking your substance abuse problems.

When I was young my grandmother gave me a nice picture in a frame and it had a prayer under the picture that said:

God please grant me:

The strength to change the things I can;

The serenity accept the things I can't change; and,

The wisdom to know the difference.

The above has always been a challenge for me in life. I have found that "letting go" of the past has been instrumental in moving forward. Doesn't mean you have to ignore the lessons of the past or learn from mistakes it just means you leave the luggage behind.

If you can find a very good psychologist to help you let go I certainly recommend it.

Capn Jack

Yeah, the funny thing is, to help me get sober, faith was important (not in god, but in something). That was kinda ironic I though.

kls

Hi Capn Jack, everyone that finds that they have committed their life and mind to the WT and then their eyes are open to see that it is a cult and they were tricked into believing a lie have a hard time . Some people drink some get depressed some even get suicidal some get heavy into drugs. We all want to hide a trauma in our past and will go to long length to hide it. I have no smart answer for you but now that you have lived the life as a JW and a drunk it is time to live for you. Leave the past behind and start your new life for you and enjoy each day and the accomplishments you have made and the demons you have fought.

kls

Hi Capn Jack, everyone that finds that they have committed their life and mind to the WT and then their eyes are open to see that it is a cult and they were tricked into believing a lie have a hard time . Some people drink some get depressed some even get suicidal some get heavy into drugs. We all want to hide a trauma in our past and will go to long length to hide it. I have no smart answer for you but now that you have lived the life as a JW and a drunk it is time to live for you. Leave the past behind and start your new life for you and enjoy each day and the accomplishments you have made and the demons you have fought.

Wolfgirl

Best revenge is to live your life well and find happiness. Most JWs are not truly happy. Find things to do that you enjoy, live your life the way YOU want to.

I think my anger helped me survive for a while, because I wanted to die when my abuse memories returned and were confirmed by my father's admission. The anger kept me going, but at some point, you have to let it go. Otherwise, it will eat you up from the inside.

For me, it was just realising that what they thought of me now didn't matter, because I knew they were wrong, and the people who truly love me know they're wrong too. It doesn't matter if they think I'm going to "die at Armageddon" because I know I'm not. Sure I'll die eventually, but so does everyone else. It doesn't matter if they think I'm some evil person, because I know I'm not.

And 30 years down the road, when they realise they've wasted their lives, who'll be laughing then?

Wolfgirl, of the "lovin' life" class

koolkeithfl

It doesn't matter if they think I'm going to "die at Armageddon" because I know I'm not. Sure I'll die eventually, but so does everyone else.

my thoughts exactly

ThiChi

Good points...

BrendaCloutier

{{{{ Capt Jack }}}}

You been snoopin in on my life? Or are you just trying to replay it? "Stick around long enough and someone will tell your story" Heard that one yet? Well, you just told pleanty of my own.

I was born and bred to be a JW wife. Pulled out of school after soph HS year, blah blah, appropriately married the JW man at 18, faded in the next year or two, and because of HIS alcoholism, mine got triggered. Plenty of drunkeness and debauchery in my past. Lot's of anger and resentments toward JW's, WTBS, and my parents because they couldn't show me (they didn't know how and were prevented from) unconditional love, even after I cleaned up.

Well, I've been clean and sober now for 14+ years. I've walked the walk. I know, it's a royal pain in the arse, but worth every bit of it.

I recently went over to my elderly parents house and, setting aside my anger and resentments, thanked them for adopting me, raising me, the things they taught me. I am, indeed, grateful for these. And I was AMAZED at the results. They were open, even tearful, and invited me to come back and keep coming back, and to bring over my live-in boyfriend. Trust me, this is NOT my parents of 10 years ago.

Time wounds all heals.

Hang in there, bro. You're on the right track. PM or email me if you want more yak yak

Brenda

blcloutier at yahoo dot com

Capn Jack

Hopefully with more years behind me this will become easier. I just keep thinking that my family will wake up and say "oops, we were mistaken, we do love you".

"You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one" : )

Hindsight is 20/20

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