Ever Make Friends With Someone Whom You Once Shunned?

by Englishman 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    I did.

    I'd made an aquaintance, also named Mike, in the old Portsmouth South congregation. It turned to friendship and we became friendly rivals. We were very similar in outlook, had the same persuasive ways and vied with each other to be top of the pile.

    After a couple of years, Mike was disfellowshipped after breaking his terms of a recently imposed probation. (Thou shalt not bonk Sister P or you're out, Pal. ) He did so bonk. And was, therefore, out.

    I'd moved up to Leigh Park by this time and duly shunned my old friend Mike. (My God, I feel so ashamed!) I was in a loveless marriage by this time, living in the grottiest of council estates and had absolutely nothing in common whatsoever with my then wife. I was 25, desperately unhappy and convinced that my worthwhile life was coming to an end.

    I'd had yet another visit from the PO and his assistant. They come to admonish me to keep my wife under better control. This happened from time to time, usually after I bore the marks of one of her quite frequent assaults. Worse still, my parents were also telling me that I should control her better. So I felt pretty shitty all in all.

    After one particularly bad bout, she'd kicked me in the face when I was lying down and broken a tooth, I happened to be sat in a transport cafe in Farlington. I was lonely, unhappy and desperate for some company that would make me feel good and not under some JW admonition. I thought of my old pal Mike and how much fun he seemed to be having. I'd seen him at soccer matches with several new friends, although, I had of course ignored him.

    What the hell, I thought, I'm going to visit Mike! The committee can go stuff themselves!

    So I did. I surprised him at his place of work. He was delighted to see me and rushed me back to his place for lunch with his wife and himself. (Apparently, she'd forgiven him). I stayed with him all day. Some of his friends turned up and also made me feel welcome. This was the best company I'd had in years! My disfellowshipped friend had more to offer than Brooklyn ever did!

    Well, a lot of things happened over the next few months. I learned to smoke cigarrettes and drink whisky and met wild, wild women, just like the song. I separated from my ex. I changed my job. I revamped my wardrobe, bleached my hair and made up for lost time.

    The DF'ing committee latched on very quickly after I'd walked around Fratton Park at an assembly accompanied by my DF'd friend and outed me within a couple of months.

    3 months later I met Her Ladyship. She was working in a casino and I fell head over heels, just like in the movies.

    There's lot's more that I may post later. However, I'd gone from having a friend, then shunning him, then being friends again which led to ME being the one who was marked for shunning by others who had been MY friends who later came to talk to ME and then got marked for shunning.....it just goes on and on.

    I've learned one thing though. Friends do not come cheaply and never again would I abandon one on the whim of someone else.

    Englishman.

  • Sassy
    Sassy

    I was pretty fortunate now that I am outside the WTS, that I never shunned anyone because they were dfd or da'd.. I have family that is dfd and friends who are either dfd or da'd. I just couldn't bring myself to shun people I loved.... and now that I know I would have done it for stupid reasoning, I am feel even better about my decisions.

  • Gadget
    Gadget

    Yeah, my brother in London.

  • Markfromcali
    Markfromcali

    Yeah, I mean it may not be where I hang out with them all the time or anything, but the brother I got DF'd in fact. But at this point it's really just that the JW judgement is irrelevant, I mean I may not want to even be around them - not out of some other standard of judgement but you just might not be the kind of people that hang out together - but I'm not going to do this shunning business where you don't even say hello or look at people in the eyes, I mean what the hell is that anyways?

  • dawn27
    dawn27

    I shunned my father for about a year after he got df'd,, I was mostly angry with him for cheating on my mom. He understands now that some of my hurt was justified, but that I regret that time of not being close. There was alot of issues involved, but the elders telling me to shun him and not leaving the descision up to me played a big role in my finally getting out. I told them that my dad had wronged me and not them.. so to stay out of it. I then started thinking about why my dad had left the jw's and that his actions might have been a "way out". So, now we get along well and understand why each of us did what we did.. He had been unhappy living in dubville for longer than I had realised. He forgives me for being angry and shunning him and I forgive him for leaving the jw's in a less than honorable way and causing tension in the family..

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