My experience of almost getting out

by crizlee 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • crizlee

    Im 17, baptized, parents are baptized, dads a MS. been baptized for 5 years now. Ive never had a relationship with god all my life. I only got baptized to impress this girl i like. lol. Its my senior year and I declare to make my way out. I was antisocial all my high school life because I didnt think it was possible for anything happening between me and my classmates. But a month ago at work, i work with my dad btw which is going to make this story ironic lol.

    this chick at work became interested in my life and noticed i didnt want to be a witness. i guess she sort of freed me by taking me to parties and hanging out with me for 2 weekends. then she stopped for awhile. i found her journal which didnt note a crush on me or anything, then i started my own online journal and expressed my feelings in it. and i put it in my instant messanger profile. one night when she got on, we chatted, and i guess she read my journal and subscribed to it at the same time. in it i said this:

    "A few weeks ago i met this girl at work, or should i say she met me. she invited me to hang out with her friends and party. she showed me the life i wish i had. at first she had confused me with her signals of calling me up and flirting with me. but now i think i understand, she wanted to know her boss's son. but after 2 weekends of me hanging with her and her friends, i think she has lost interest in me. i notice the flirting stopping, the replies to my txt messaging not coming. i felt insignificant again. and to think i started working more hours just to be around her to get that chance. but i tried to make matters better by stopping by work "to pick up drinks for my friends" but to really talk to her and ask her out. i need someone to talk to. life is pathetic, she was not at work. this girl, i felt like, she was one of a kind. shes smart, she has deep thoughts, she is beautiful. i dont want it to end. shes a really fun person, best of all, very unique. if there is anything i can do to make things work i would do it. my time with her was the best time ever in my life. i hope in the future i will have times like these again. but it still frustrates me that im left again in loneliness."

    We chatted all night and she told me she wasnt avoiding me, shes just very busy. in the chat, she said she isnt looking for commitment because of the guys at her high school are immature, and so I ask her if she thinks Im immature. she says no, and i ask her since you dont think immature, want to do something just as friends. she agrees. the next day i see her with 2 guys and i write in my journal this:

    "I was looking forward to seeing kara.

    We seemed to really connect on last nights chat. but as i came up to work i saw her hanging out with 2 dudes, which was kind of annoying. well when we chatted she said she was a very busy person like she had no time for me, so i just disregarded the annoyance because i could talk to her on break. i covered the frustration with a smile, as always. smiling always makes things better, you are more easy to be approached and it makes the day better. during my shift one of my workmates offered to trade me hours so i could work later. i took his offer to work till 10 in hopes that ill get a better chance to talk to her. and so she was going on her break, but she was with a lot of her guy friends too. maybe im jealous or wanted to talk 1 on 1 or i was too held up in the kitchen. i finally got to take my break once it slowed down, outside by myself, thinking about the day. i really felt the vibe that she doesnt want to talk to me anymore or isnt interested in me as a friend atleast. maybe im more like the insignificant guy-who-works-at-my-work-place. i hate being played, it freaking sucks.

    The rest of the evening was crap because she wouldnt talk to me. i came home feeling like crap, so i did some physical exercises to free my mind from the frustration and stress. and to start off my weekend i have to go to work in 4 hours to clean the parking lot. damn i really hope i wont be lonely this weekend. no one deserves to live a life like this. i freaking try so hard and it never seems to accomplish anything."

    I wasnt expecting her to read that. but the next day, surprisingly she was very nice, and asked me to go on break with her and again today. there were 2 guys that i think she knew but didnt talk to them whenever we were on break, she only waved bye. not only that but all of her friends comment in my journal now and everyone at work thinks we are in some kind of relationship. lol. not only that but im cool with everyone at school. my life is going to be so great once im out of the house and this religion completely. i regret my past but i really did learn something from it.

  • Quotes

    Hey crizlee,

    Thanks for sharing. Delving back 20 years into my distant past, I remember feeling many of the same things you are feeling, and had a similar experience with a girl. My problem was I was not as smart as you and was still head-over-heels in the JW religion.

    I know it feels bad when you get mixed messages from the ladies, but don't feel too bad: we men have been trying to figure out women for thousands of years! ;)

    It wasn't clear from you post just how close she is to these other two dudes, but IMHO, be cool about it! Can't she have frineds who are guys and still be interested in you as more than just a friend? Remember too that if those guys were hitting on her then she was likely awash in emotion fueld by hormones (just like you, hey hey!). Ask yourself how you would feel if to young ladies were showing interest in you, even if it was just to be friends. Would you spurn them because you were working on another girlfriend? Personally, I welcome all friends! Maybe your young lady was just making friends...... and if she was cruising for more than a friend, well, it really is a jungle out there, so you'll just have to convince her that you are the better specimen!

    ~Quotes, of the "romance seems so much easier when its someone else's problem" class

  • crizlee

    She even told me she has a lot of guy friends and yes i do have friends that are girls at school thats why i tried to say i wasnt jealous but annoyed. truely i do feel um stupid for writing that one entry.

    and about standing up for her, she told me my dad yelled at her today for her doing her homework at work when there was nothing else to do. i dont think i can do it. my dad will think there is something between me and her because he specifically yelled at her. if i must tell my dad, what should i say? or should i just do homework with her on break or after work? i told her i would say something to my dad. this other girl that works there thinks i wont.

  • lisaBObeesa


    Your post brought back memories for me...memories about wanting 'out' so badly.

    I just wanted to get out and be with PEOPLE. I felt so trapped as a young person.

    I remember waiting until my whole family was asleep and then going out and sitting on the front steps, late at night on a saturday night, and listening to the sounds of PEOPLE. All those people.....driving cars, listening to music, watching TV, being at parties, dancing, talking, LIVING. I just wanted to be out there.

    I did get out there as soon as I could, and I am glad I did. But I got into some trouble because I had had a sheltered life. And since I was not 'wise to the world' as they say, I got hurt. (But things came out ok!)

    All I can say is that I remember feeling some of the feelings you write about, and it will get better, and you will have a relationship....and be picky about who you get involved with...and be careful if you decide to really 'get out' because being a JW does not prepare us well for the real world...

    Anyway, sorry for rambling.......

    Take care!


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