Letter to my mom

by DIM 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DIM

    Here is a letter I'm sending off....let me know if you have any suggestions, I want it to be to the point and also positive:

    Dear Mom,

    I now realize that I can never be the son or person you want me to be. I?m doing the best I can to be a great son to you and dad, but too often I am left with the impression that you view me as ?spiritually weak? or even an ?apostate? In various publications that you follow and believe, they say something along the lines of:

    We need to examine, not only what we personally believe, but also what is taught by any religious organization with which we may be associated. If we are lovers of the truth, there is nothing to fear from such an examination.

    Based on my life experiences as well as many sleepless nights of research and soul searching, I do not share your beliefs. I think the guidelines and moral principles that you and dad have taught me are excellent, and I thank you for that. I have so many great memories, and have really enjoyed your company when you came out to visit. This letter is very hard for me to write, but three issues you brought up must be addressed immediately.

    First - Mrs. DIM and I have nothing to do with any problems you are having with DIMS sister. In fact, you and dad took great pains to keep her away from us when we really wanted her to visit on her way to NZ. I think DS is a brilliant, beautiful person, who at 17 is really trying to find herself. I have never talked to her about any of my thoughts about anything ? because she is a kid and should not be put into the middle. You can go on not believing that, but that is the truth.

    Second ? please stop taking shots at people who may still be in contact with me and consider me a friend. I won?t go into names or discuss anything about my friends with you ? I truly hate the gossip culture that exists in your religion and I won?t give you anything to fuel that. We?ve heard how (and I quote here) ?DIM is a master apostate? and ?DIM is just following Mrs. DIM? and ?Oh, I wonder if he?ll start smoking now?, or even ?he sent us a demonic cd w/ a demonic album cover? and the list goes on and on. It is a truly bizarre attitude to take towards people ? instead of trying to find out what is going on, bury them into the ground. I find it very puzzling.

    Third - In your letter you state that ?you won?t scare me back? ? yet over ½ a dozen times you imply that Jehovah is going to kill my entire family in the very near future. I do not share your beliefs and do not want you to ever again imply or state in any spoken or written form that my daughter will be killed . This is the only time I?m going to make this demand.

    We love you mom, but sometimes the written word is harsher than you may have intended ? I know you only want the best for me, and it makes me happy that you care for me so much. I just do not share your views and I don?t think I ever will. I know it is easy for you to dismiss this due to ?bad association?, but I really don?t know what you are talking about ? we have no friends back home and do not speak to anyone really.

    Sometimes I think that it would be easier for you if I fit into a certain category ? maybe the person who had a lot of problems after leaving and then came back..Instead I have turned into a 27 year old man with a beautiful family and I don?t do any drugs, have money problems, cheat on my wife, smoke, or even drink that much.. I am a man now, not a boy. I have tons of great memories growing up and I will not dwell on any negatives ? please accept me for who I am. In the past, I wouldn?t respond to your letters for the sake of keeping the peace, but from now on I will respond to each and every one of your letters because I am tired of having to apologize for who I am.

    I hope you and dad are doing great and wish nothing but the best for you guys ? we?ll keep sending pictures of daughter as much as possible.


  • Jez

    Great job. I started a thread about this 'coffee with my mother.' I firmly believe now that we can't let them set the rules for the relationship entirely without imput from us df'ed ones. i am afraid that we are so grateful for ANY association that we accept alot of crap that is unacceptable in a relationship. So to place boundaries and teach her how to treat you, is a step in the right direction and is a way of gaining peace, control and hopefully respect.

    Take heart in the fact that you are never alone in this weird weird conditional family relationship JW tradition. Jez

  • Jez

    Forgot something:

    It really threw my mother for a loop when I left it to HER to decide whether or not to break off the relationship. Remember that they are conditioned to think, "THEY left US" It is a way of alleviating the guilt and project it elsewhere..soooooo...don't let her. Tell her in your letter that your door is always open, you will always be there ready and able to have a relationship with her if she can accept you for who you are now. Please click on my post history and read that thread about "coffee with my mother" as there are many ideas in there as well, I just don't want to retype the whole scenario again. Lots of ppl had some wonderful ideas as well in that thread.

  • Princess

    It's good DIM. I hope she takes it to heart, she stands to lose so much with the three of you.

    Hugs to Mrs DIM and little DIM.


  • Funchback

    Hey, DIM!

    Man, I am glad that you and Mrs. DIM are alive and doing well! (GO EAGLES...E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!).

    I think your letter is mature and polite, yet firm. If they choose to "shun" you, or not accept you, then THEY made that choice. Let THEM live their lives with a guilty conscience.

    I'm proud of you, J.

  • badwillie

    Very firm but loving letter DIM! I wish I could say I have as many good memories as you. It's nice that you acknowledge that to her too.

    Ultimately, if you just keep on doing what you are doing (building a TRULY successful family), they will be forced to recognize all of your achievements. People only respect people who stand up for themselves...this letter shows you can do that very competently. I congratulate you on this big step.

    Glad you are enjoying life with baby too!!!

  • DIM

    thanks guys...i'm mailing it off tonight...we'll see how it goes over.....

    hope all is well back in PA badwillie and funchback - watching the eagles every week / hope we win this year - of course, i could always fall back on the 'hawks if the eagles let me down again....

  • cruzanheart

    Great letter, DIM! Sometimes you have to set firm boundaries.


  • HappyDad

    Great letter DIM.

    You couldn't have said it better. A lot of love is in those words. I just hope your parents see that love.

    I wish you the best. Thumbs Up


  • josephus

    sweet letter very kind but tough i liked it and wish you and your family well.

    good luck


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