Shunning, for reasons not related to religion

by neverthere 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • neverthere

    It appears I am being shunned. How you ask? I have been trying to establish a relationship with my father's family back in Scotland. I have sent letters, emails, phone calls, none of which have been returned.

    I found out the reasons why too, get this

    Reason 1: I want to know who my dad's biological father is and know where his family is from

    Reason 2: When my parents seperated and divorced I chose to live with my mother and not my father who was a major alcoholic and ended up dying because he drank.

    Shunning sucks, no matter the reason, I figured some of you here might better understand how much this hurts than on other boards I frequent, thanks for listening.


  • kls

    They probably have the mentality of ," she wanted nothing to do with her dad so that means us also". Instead of knowing he was a drunk and in no way capable of taking care of a child. There is nothing you can do that you have not already tried. Some people are so blind and one sided. I know you want to get to know them but it sounds like there is a rift which is no fault of yours. You made the right choice and the only one you could and it is their loss.

  • hubert

    I agree with KLS.

    You made the effort, they can't be bothered.

    Forget about them, and get on with your life.

    (((hugs))) from Hubert

  • Scully

    Sorry this is happening to you. No matter what the circumstances, it's painful.

    Being thousands of miles away makes it easier for them to rationalize that they'll never have to face you or own up to their shunning, too.

    You also may have to realize that they may have been told things about your mother (and yourself) that are less than flattering, which may have contributed to their response to you. Perhaps they are guarding some family secrets - maybe you and your siblings were supposed to receive part of your grandparents' estate that should have gone to your father, for example, which will result in them losing heirlooms.

    The thing about shunning is that it is effortless: a person merely makes a decision to exclude you. If faced with having to answer for their behaviour, it's so easy to lie and say "We never got any mail from you." They can justify this by thinking that you'd never bother showing up in Scotland to actually meet them face-to-face.

    Love, Scully

Share this